Peer Review- Fishing

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy role playing forum. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

This is the Archives forum for Peer Review.

Moderator: Scribes

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Ferrin Al'Mandrikan on April 30th, 2016, 4:14 pm

True.

The baits are below techniques. There probs a bit hard to see, but they're there. Worms, Leeches and lures oh my! :)
Image

"With a heart of steel, I raise my blade in combat. The only thoughts I have in my mind is whether I'd return home to my family. I am a soldier, and will fight for love and peace. That is the way of being a Syliran Knight"-Ferrin.



Sig :
Dimensions Changed to: 300x150 pixels.


Credits to Prophet for making this amazing Sig. He does a great job!
I'm Open To Guest Storytelling Let Me Know, and I'll See What I Can Do!
|| Syliras Lore * Syliras * Plotnotes * My Scrap *Ferrins CS ||
User avatar
Ferrin Al'Mandrikan
Loving Family Man - Protective Squire
 
Posts: 1072
Words: 705389
Joined roleplay: July 16th, 2015, 1:02 am
Location: Currently in: Sylrias
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Artist (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Eleazar Victor Syroin on May 1st, 2016, 12:15 pm

On locations you forgot to include the outer oceans. Also Crab fishing can be done with a net held open with a metal ring attracted to a line with bait suspended over it (normally in a small net) or in crab traps which work on a similar method but are left normally with a string attached to a boi or similar flotation to mark where they are.

In short; you article is a good start but it needs more information and detail on all the different techniques and tools available.

Links to the fauna lists that detail mizahar only fish would also be useful too.
14/14
Fast feet and an unsound mind make a man fly.
User avatar
Eleazar Victor Syroin
Ownership is a matter of Opinion
 
Posts: 226
Words: 154090
Joined roleplay: December 24th, 2013, 11:13 am
Location: Sunberth
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Eleazar Victor Syroin on May 1st, 2016, 12:17 pm

Another note on the baiting front; Other fish can be used as bait. Especially if fishing for huge fish like sharks or other monsters that live int he Mizaharian oceans. :D
14/14
Fast feet and an unsound mind make a man fly.
User avatar
Eleazar Victor Syroin
Ownership is a matter of Opinion
 
Posts: 226
Words: 154090
Joined roleplay: December 24th, 2013, 11:13 am
Location: Sunberth
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Ferrin Al'Mandrikan on May 1st, 2016, 1:23 pm

Thanks! I'm get to working on it!
Image

"With a heart of steel, I raise my blade in combat. The only thoughts I have in my mind is whether I'd return home to my family. I am a soldier, and will fight for love and peace. That is the way of being a Syliran Knight"-Ferrin.



Sig :
Dimensions Changed to: 300x150 pixels.


Credits to Prophet for making this amazing Sig. He does a great job!
I'm Open To Guest Storytelling Let Me Know, and I'll See What I Can Do!
|| Syliras Lore * Syliras * Plotnotes * My Scrap *Ferrins CS ||
User avatar
Ferrin Al'Mandrikan
Loving Family Man - Protective Squire
 
Posts: 1072
Words: 705389
Joined roleplay: July 16th, 2015, 1:02 am
Location: Currently in: Sylrias
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Artist (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Ferrin Al'Mandrikan on May 3rd, 2016, 2:50 pm

All updates have been made, sorry forgot to mention earlier. All of them, but the history of hand fishing. I'm still working on that one. :)

But, any other recommendations is great!
Image

"With a heart of steel, I raise my blade in combat. The only thoughts I have in my mind is whether I'd return home to my family. I am a soldier, and will fight for love and peace. That is the way of being a Syliran Knight"-Ferrin.



Sig :
Dimensions Changed to: 300x150 pixels.


Credits to Prophet for making this amazing Sig. He does a great job!
I'm Open To Guest Storytelling Let Me Know, and I'll See What I Can Do!
|| Syliras Lore * Syliras * Plotnotes * My Scrap *Ferrins CS ||
User avatar
Ferrin Al'Mandrikan
Loving Family Man - Protective Squire
 
Posts: 1072
Words: 705389
Joined roleplay: July 16th, 2015, 1:02 am
Location: Currently in: Sylrias
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Artist (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Shimoje on May 3rd, 2016, 3:28 pm

Though, but there
2nd sentence, redundant.

No one knows when the fishing responsibility had become constructed, but now as fishing is being more commonly used by the locals of Mizahar.
this doesn't make sense to me? Perhaps something more along the lines of: No one knows when fishing had became a responsibility, but now fishing is a common job among citizens of Mizahar.

Please note that earlier you said that fishing dates back to sometime pre Valterrain.

But, only those willing to learn of the fishing responsibility
Fishing doesn't only have to require responsibility as a job. It could be leisure fishing, sports fishing, or for survival. I recommend that you should change this to only those willing to learn how to fish.

This is quote important because knowing how to keep fresh fish is always good. No one wants to eat the fish gone bad?
Turning this question into a direct statement will make the argument stronger. Try to refrain from using questions or direct conversational words when writing a report or a professional reference to a specific academic writing. Also type with quote

This skill can be CO fused with tracking most likely. Though, very similar. When one scouts, they can find themselves using the "float" or a buoy to understand where the fish are at that moment.
Another typo. Did you mean confused?

The fish have a tendency to be out. But, not as much in the morning than at night. Best bring your gear later in the evening. That is usually when feeding time occurs. So prepare the bait and get to fishin' my friends.
For professional documents try to refrain from talking to your readers. Unless you intended this to be written as such.

This tool is built out of simple makeshift wood and it metal.
typo
Steinign
Typo.


Press the reels' button and as one swings, release. But, be careful if who's around you. There are also many other skills related to catch and release. Such as; longlinging or trolling.
I might be wrong but ancient or classic reel and rods did not have a button. The fisherman would use their index finger as a guide to cast the line and press it against the pole and release to stay the line. Most fishing involved a sort of technique where you would bob the line till it was weighted down. If current would move the line you would wrap or reel the line up and proceed with it until you either catch a fish or the current pulls/retracts the line too far?
'

nightcrawlers orgarden worms.
proper spacing please :D

help understand the feel and kf course
typo

Fishermen would have the capability of mangling with the fish, but still require a crew for at sea expeditions
What of the solo fisher with a canoe? :D haha, just joshing.

Overall Ferrin, it is a great article. The biggest thing that I suggest is although you are trying to keep the topic of fishing more on the light side is that this would be used as a professional document for readers to view about the skill. That is why I say refrain from "talking to your readers."

There are many things that could be added, like the use of chum, salt vs seawater, predators, risks & hazards of fishing, and etc.

Though, I really like your initiative and drive to complete this! Good Job Ferrin!
Shortly after departure of the Tipsy Wench, a deeply held secret started to show itself as Shimoje's mental stability started to become more clear. His hand will bear the mark of Lykata and glow with a symbol of Lormar.

test



Imagetest test testtest testtestesteste testtettttttt Image

test
User avatar
Shimoje
Scientist
 
Posts: 375
Words: 301120
Joined roleplay: March 26th, 2016, 11:25 pm
Location: United States
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Ferrin Al'Mandrikan on June 2nd, 2016, 2:31 pm

I have updated the thread. If there is anything that's missing, please let me know. Thanks!

What has been updated:

The Typos
Hazards
Salt Vs Seawater
The Bait
Predators
Risks and so on. :)
Image

"With a heart of steel, I raise my blade in combat. The only thoughts I have in my mind is whether I'd return home to my family. I am a soldier, and will fight for love and peace. That is the way of being a Syliran Knight"-Ferrin.



Sig :
Dimensions Changed to: 300x150 pixels.


Credits to Prophet for making this amazing Sig. He does a great job!
I'm Open To Guest Storytelling Let Me Know, and I'll See What I Can Do!
|| Syliras Lore * Syliras * Plotnotes * My Scrap *Ferrins CS ||
User avatar
Ferrin Al'Mandrikan
Loving Family Man - Protective Squire
 
Posts: 1072
Words: 705389
Joined roleplay: July 16th, 2015, 1:02 am
Location: Currently in: Sylrias
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Artist (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Shimoje on June 2nd, 2016, 2:35 pm

Looks much more complete. I will do a full review later tonight and hopefully help in getting this article ready for founder review!
Shortly after departure of the Tipsy Wench, a deeply held secret started to show itself as Shimoje's mental stability started to become more clear. His hand will bear the mark of Lykata and glow with a symbol of Lormar.

test



Imagetest test testtest testtestesteste testtettttttt Image

test
User avatar
Shimoje
Scientist
 
Posts: 375
Words: 301120
Joined roleplay: March 26th, 2016, 11:25 pm
Location: United States
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Ferrin Al'Mandrikan on June 2nd, 2016, 2:59 pm

Thanks for the Help Shim and Vell, plus all others! I am waiting for this to move onto founder review of course. Can't wait! :)
Image

"With a heart of steel, I raise my blade in combat. The only thoughts I have in my mind is whether I'd return home to my family. I am a soldier, and will fight for love and peace. That is the way of being a Syliran Knight"-Ferrin.



Sig :
Dimensions Changed to: 300x150 pixels.


Credits to Prophet for making this amazing Sig. He does a great job!
I'm Open To Guest Storytelling Let Me Know, and I'll See What I Can Do!
|| Syliras Lore * Syliras * Plotnotes * My Scrap *Ferrins CS ||
User avatar
Ferrin Al'Mandrikan
Loving Family Man - Protective Squire
 
Posts: 1072
Words: 705389
Joined roleplay: July 16th, 2015, 1:02 am
Location: Currently in: Sylrias
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Artist (1) One Thousand Posts! (1)

Peer Review- Fishing

Postby Shimoje on June 3rd, 2016, 12:33 am

Fishing is simple. One can simply take a boat out and sail out at sea and fish. Simple as is.
The second part "Simple as is." Seems redundant.

Though, but there are drawbacks of fishing and one has to know the majority of the tricks and techniques to survive while out fishing
Double conjections - conjenction function. You only need one or the either here

Also note in the description that at one point you say fishing is simple, and then you go back and say fishing is dangerous. I would expand upon this and say how fishing CAN be dangerous.

No one knows when the fishing responsibility had become constructed, but now as fishing is being more commonly used by the locals of Mizahar.
the word "as" is not needed in this sentence unless you wanted to expand upon it more. IE: but now as fishing is being more commonly used by the locals of Mizahar, it became clear that it is a needed skill for supplying food.

Observation: One needs to reach that particular level of clear perception. Keeping a nice and clean eye out for those schools of fish that live within the depths of the waters.
A clean eye is good yes, but I almost wonder if you meant "keen."

Food Preservation This is quote important because knowing how to keep fresh fish is always good. No one wants to eat the fish gone bad?


This is quite important.

Tracking: The difference between tracking and scouting is that one must simply take pursuit or action of following the fish of which the crew are searching for. Simple, but can be a quite difficult process.


Again, here you are contradicting yourself by saying it is simple yet difficult. A good way to prevent this is to state that skilled fished find it a much simpler process.

Simple Line and Rod (spool): This tool is built out of simple makeshift wood and it metal. It's hand crafted contraption creats a firm and steady catch and release technique. It comes with a hook and sinker which allows the caster to lower or raise the line and bait. The spool is a rounded contraption formed to contains the line used for fishing. Its positioned at the side of the hilt. Steinign the line into the spool can lose a challenge, but that is why one must always be careful in doing so.


A lot of typos here: Simple line and rod (spool): This tool is built out of simple makeshift wood and metal. It's hand crafted contraption creates a firm and stead catch and release technique. It comes with a hook and sinker which allows the caster to lower or raise the line and bait. The spool is rounded to contain the line used for fishing. It is positioned at the side or top of the hilt. Staying the line into the spool can cause you to lose a challenge, but that is why one must be careful while doing so.

Shellfish can also be used to be picked up as well. But, those are more inhabitant within the tidal waves on the outer most parts of the shore.


Shellfish can be picked up as well to be used. Though, they mostly inhabit tidal waves on the outer most parts of the shore.

Worms: Any type of worm is good for fish. The worms that fish favor most usually is either nightcrawlers orgarden worms.


Make sure to put a space between or - garden

Salt: Fish, such as whales, sharks, and any other deep sea creatures mainly dwell within the depths of these waters. The oceans are where to find the large amount of fish.


Fish; (just a grammar thing)

Seawater: Sharks and whales, dolphins, and others belong in these waters. It is most advised that one comes out to sea being prepared.


Sharks, whales, dolphins, and others (grammar)

The weather, this can be a hazard based on the thunderous waves or the treacherous winds.


The weather - This can be...

Risks:

The risk of loosing men out on your voyage is terrible. Be sure to look after them all.
Leaks are a huge risk when out at sea
Lack of food
Predators


I think these should be added to the risks: Drowning, loss of equipment, and stress.



To finish it up


Overall; after these changes I feel that you should be able to post to the founder review. Make sure you message Quip or Vellichor to tell them of your progress going forward.
Shortly after departure of the Tipsy Wench, a deeply held secret started to show itself as Shimoje's mental stability started to become more clear. His hand will bear the mark of Lykata and glow with a symbol of Lormar.

test



Imagetest test testtest testtestesteste testtettttttt Image

test
User avatar
Shimoje
Scientist
 
Posts: 375
Words: 301120
Joined roleplay: March 26th, 2016, 11:25 pm
Location: United States
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

PreviousNext

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests