[Kabrin Road] The Wind That Buffets the Flame (Ethan)

[Kendall Saarinen]

37th of Summer, 511 AV It had been another restless night. Kendall had barely been able to sleep, even when Hadrian had tried to console him. With the mage's arms around him, the Azenth was able to drift into dreams, at least for a bit. Nothing would keep his mind from from Kel's birthday. Kel was Kendall's older brother and growing up was much like a friend to him. The pyromancer never had the close relationship with his sister that most other girls did with their sisters. Suanna never showed an interest in her little sister so Kendall's older brothers, Kel and Layton took him under their wing. In a way Kendall had been basing himself off of them as he tried to figure out how to be male. It was a little past noon and Kendall sat alone a bit off the Kabrin Road. He tried to calm his mind as he sat, attempting to meditate. Every couple of minutes a shiver would rip through his body, tearing him from his relaxed state. With a small sigh his eyes fluttered open taking in the forest around him. The Azenth was exhausted. He wanted to sleep but he did not think it would come to him. His thoughts felt like they were racing at him a million miles an hour and of course the shivers that he had started to have did not help either. Blue and green eyes stared out into the trees. As Kendall stared into their leaves a memory shot though him. "Mom! It's me, you have to believe me. I'm so scared. I don't know whats going on and I just want to come home." The blond let out a stifled, pained yell. His nails gripped into his scalp as he tried to get the thought of his mother out of his head. He was remembering when his mother refused him after his accident. "Mom…" He winced at the memory as he looked down at the grass around him trying to keep the tears in his eyes from falling. "I wish I could be home with you. I want to be with Kel. I've never missed his birthday." Kendall could not keep the tears from falling anymore. He felt them streaming down his cheeks faster than he could wipe them away. He wished that Hadrian was sitting with him, using his skills with water to pull away his tears. He needed to be alone for a bit. He could find comfort in Hadrian when he calmed a bit. Kendall stared into the grass, his blond bangs hanging in his eyes. He breathed in slowly as a shutter ripped through his body. He breathed out, letting his Res escape his body and hover over his hands. Within moments in it was ignited and burning bright over his palms. "Ivak… I'm so scared. I don't know what is going on lately. I can't sleep, I am getting panic attacks, I have even started getting sick from the stress." Kendall let the flames rise from his hands so they hovered in front of him. Wiping tears from his eyes, Kendall ran his fingers over the mark on his wrist. "I am happy, even if I do not seem like it. Hadrian makes me happier than I have ever been. He has been taking very good care of me and if you have had any part of that, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart." His finger trailed over the flames like he was following a maze. He shivered again as he stared down at the mark. "I do not want to ask you for too much. Please, if you can, give me strength. I just need to get through this." He reached out to the flames to feel the warmth play against his fingers. "Thank you for everything Ivak."

[Ethan]

Ethan had become accustomed to sleeping in the trees. It was the easiest way to keep an eye on everyone and he found it relaxing to have the cool breeze on his back as he slept. Creatures that climbed this high didn't bother him and he was definitely the largest bird in these woods so it was safe enough. If an animal went to close to the camp. A loud shriek would warn the others. He was effective at what he did but as the summer days dwindled. He was becoming more melancholy and slept longer. Talked less and tended to keep in his animal form to avoid the questions of his group.

Not ever having the time to build a nest. Ethan simply perched and rested on the branches. Spiders would sometimes become curious about him and creep along his tail feathers. He knew by the look and feel of them if they were a threat. It was hard to explain but call it animal instinct. Their movements gave away their intentions.

He was having another night of uncomfortable dreams and restlessness so their company was appreciated. A few hours after he finally drifted to sleep. A loud scream ripped him from sleep. His eyes shot open and darted to sound. Even in the dark he could see Kendall with extreme clarity. The young Mage was away from the camp and off the main road a little. Not a smart move in the middle of the night but he looked safe. Nothing was around him and he was damn sure of that. Out of all the people in the group he had especially careful eyes on Kendall. Both as a personal friend and Hadrian's lover. Hadrian made it very clear Kendall was first priority.

Ethan lifted himself up from his more ball like way of sleeping and gently shooed the arachnids from his feathers. They scurried off cautiously but not scared. Things bit when they were scared. With that done he spread his wings and dropped from the branch. Quiet as a specter her floated above the came and gently touched down onto a branch behind Kendall on the other side of the road.

"I am happy, even if I do not seem like it. Hadrian makes me happier than I have ever been. He has been taking very good care of me and if you have had any part of that, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart." Kendall seemed so... Upset. It was evident the young man was going threw some tough times. If he was so happy then what was a matter though? Should Ethan report this to Hadrian, it seemed Kendall needed him?

"I do not want to ask you for too much. Please, if you can, give me strength. I just need to get through this. Thank you for everything Ivak." No sooner had he said the words did Ethan swoop in and silently touch down to the right of the man. For a second he admired the ball of fire and the others control of res. A swirl of ethereal light surrounded the bird and shifted him into a man. Ethan crouched in front of Kendall with a worried look.

”Is everything alright Kendall?” He wanted to touch the others shoulder for comfort but didn't dare. Something was deeply wrong about him. ”Are you hurt? It isn't safe at night...And who is Ivak?” He looked at the ball of fire with curiosity.

[Kendall Saarinen]

A shiver took over Kendall's body, causing his arms to move up and wrap around him. He was not in his right mind at the moment, this much was clear. As he spoke shakily to his detained God he heard something near him. Instantly his attention snapped to the world around him. Where did the sound come from? In the low light a flash of light caught his attention. If Kendall had been thinking clearly he might have come to the assumption that the light was Cathan or Ethan. The blond was not though. When Ethan walked toward him, reflex took over. The reflex to protect himself. He pulled his two flames into one and dashed to his feet. He would not get kidnapped again. He could not let anyone hurt him like the animator did in Zeltiva. Kendall gripped Ethan's collar in an attempt to pull him forward and intimidate him. Despite Kendall's soft looks he actually was quite strong. "How the petch do you know my name?" His mismatched eyes glared at the Kelvic as he held the flame close to him. His auristics started to light up an aura around Ethan but in Kendall's scared fury he did not see how familiar it was. "You think I am some petching weakling since I am short don't you? You think I am just a soft pretty boy. I will tear you apart if you even look at me wrong." A crazed look took over Kendall's eyes as he shoved Ethan backwards. The memories were racing back to him of the night of his accident. He winced as the images flashed past his eyes. He gripped at his head, his teeth clenched as he began to feel the shivers creeping back over him. This was exactly what this person wanted though. They wanted him to be scared and unable to defend himself. Why else would they sneak up on him in the dark? Forcing himself to get enough composure to fight of the man before him, Kendall got to his feet. The blond shrugged off his jacket as he looked forward, leaving his arms uncovered. He rarely took of his coat unless he was wearing a long sleeved shirt. Kendall did not want others seeing his mark unless he wanted them to. The blond's arms were much more toned than one would think. Around his right wrist, a red flame was marked proudly on his skin. The Azenth stalked forward toward Ethan, his green and blue eyes locked on his target. He pulled the flame over his hand, smiling a bit darkly at the heat that it threw over his skin. "I will not let myself be put in harms way ever again. Leave or I will light you on fire. I have no problem letting you burn."

[Ethan]

Trust wasn't something Ethan gave out easily. As a Kelvic you learned to only trust people that are kind. People that are almost harmless. Anyone that could trap or hurt a Kelvic, usually would. Kendall, Hadrian, Lavia, Fraha, Sondra. All the people he ever learned to trust were either kind, or his own kin. So it was especially shocking when Kendall grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him forward roughly. "How the petch do you know my name?" He sounded so angry and deranged. For the first time, Ethan was afraid of Kendall. The Pyromancer's fingers bore into his skin and he could feel the heat of his breath. He almost expected to smell alcohol on it. Images of his childhood flashed threw his mind. The situation was much different than it was now. Ethan was just a child and his master towered over him. Yelling at the top of his longs. Disciplining him or training him to be “human”. Either way there was always pain and fear involved. Ethan snapped back into reality with a sharp shove that sent him crashing into the dirt. Ethan didn't understand why any of this was happening. Did he not remember him? The feeling of betrayal was setting in and it made him narrow his eyes in disgust. Looking up at the man he considered a friend. Trying to fight back the images of his old master. He quickly got up and brushed the dirt off his legs. A strange sense of calm came over him. He took deep breaths and tried to figure out why the blond was acting like this. His eyes constantly flickered between the fire and Kendall gripping his own head psychotically. He was deranged and it was plain to see. Ethan wanted to feel pity for the man, but it was harder than he thought. Especially when he gained his composer and started walking close to the Kelvic. Instinctively Ethan backed up towards the trees off the side of the road. Knowing he could escape easily threw the thicket of trees. "I will not let myself be put in harms way ever again. Leave or I will light you on fire. I have no problem letting you burn." Kendall's words were full of malice and he had no doubt of his intentions, but he had to try something. Hadrian would be even more furious if something happened to him... Wait a minute! ”Calm yourself dammit! Don't you remember me! I'm Hadrian's student! For Petch sake It's Ethan! Remember me dammit! The bird Kelvic you consider a Friend!” He edged closer to the trees and prepared to run at the slightest sign of danger. ”I won't hurt you Kendall. I came to check on you! We met at Syliras. The Stone Gardens, I posed for your sketches!” He was sweating heavily. Nervous and not liking the looks of this. What if he wasn't right, possessed? Even dangerous to the others! Hadrian would rather die then leave him like this! He needed to get the Hydromancer but didn't dare to move.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Ethan's words were demanding. More so than Kendall had expected from him. He did not want to take orders. He could still remember the words the man spoke as he readied Kendall for the experiment. "Step into the circle girl." "No… please. Let me go home. I'm so scared." "This is good fear. We are breaking down the old walls of magic. We are paving new grounds. Just get into the animation circle." "Please… I'll do anything. Just let me go." "The thing is sweetie, you don't have a choice. This is my game. You are just the missing piece to the puzzle. I can make you do anything." "I…" "Shhhhh… you don't have to talk. See, you are such a good girl getting into the circle. Now the fun can begin. Are you ready?" "N-n-n-no. Please let me…" "Too late…" The tremors were getting worse as Kendall felt tears start to trickle from his eyes. "I don't want to. I…" The blond seemed to lose his words as he tried to verbally fight back. "I never want to take orders again." He listened to what the kelvic was saying, even if he didn't want to. Hadrian's name seemed to break though the hysteria, at least a small bit. If he knew Hadrian the man had to be a friend. Or maybe that is what he wanted Kendall to think. "Petch it! No! Just stop talking!" Kendall just wanted quiet. Just him and the horrible flashbacks. Ethan had tread on dangerous ground when he came across Kendall this morning. "He said that too and he lied. He ruined everything for me." The sight of the animator was blurry in Kendall's mind but he remember the feelings and the pain. "We met at Syliras. The Stone Gardens, I posed for your sketches!” A different memory came to Kendall, pushing away the thoughts of Zeltiva. A peaceful garden with a stone fountain and a beautiful bird who acted too human to be any ordinary bird. Kendall's mismatched eyes looked up at Ethan, studying his aura. "Ethan…" Kendall reached out and touched Ethan's arm as if he was trying to see if the man was actually there in front of him. "I… I don't know. I d-d-don't know what j-just h-happened." A blush darkened his pallid cheeks. He was embarrassed. "I'm so sorry." He did not know what else to say or even what to do so he cried. He was not even sure why. He only knew that he had never felt so torn apart in his life.

[Ethan]

Ethan had never seen anything like this before. Kendall must have been delirious. Speaking gibberish and mashed sentences to someone other than Ethan.. All the while he shook and cried. A thick layer of sweat gleamed in the light of his two fires. He looked crazy to say the least, but also harmless and in need. Ethan took a small step towards the man. Face twisted in a mix of sympathy and concern. ”Ethan...” Kendall placed a shaky hand on his arm. Ethan felt his heart beat in his ears but didn't have the heart to pull away. Kendall's fingers felt burning. "I… I don't know. I d-d-don't know what j-just h-happened." Ethan couldn't bare to see his friend so shaken up. So he wrapped his arms around him in an attempt to comfort the man. Kendall was burning up felt clammy and was crying. Something had come over him but whatever happen before. Ethan couldn't hold it against him. ”It's alright Kendall. No need to say sorry.” He rubbed Kendall's back trying to sooth him. He felt terrible for his friend and wanted to do anything he could to help. ”Just get it all out little brother, I gotcha now. Get it all out. Your safe. No one will hurt you with me around.” He didn't know why he called him little brother. Probably because of the height difference. He was a little older looking than Kendall so it worked well enough and seemed right. ”Whenever your ready tell me what happened.” As he hugged his crying friend. Ethan upturned a palm and let a small stream of Res pour out. It created a slight drag in his body. An odd, but good feeling. He let the dark gold ethereal gas stretch out into long thin fingers and mentally made it attract wind. Creating a small breeze to circle their heads. Hoping a little fresh air would cool his burning face and calm the blond down.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall was caught by surprise when Ethan hugged him, especially since the man was naked. While he wanted to feel comfort in his friend's embrace, the lack of clothing on him made Kendall want to pull away. He was getting more comfortable around Ethan but he did not want to be this close to him while he lacked clothing. He tried to keep his distance, even as they hugged, arching his back so there was room between them. When the opportunity allowed itself, Kendall slipped out of Ethan's arms. "Thank you for the hug Ethan. I'm not really in a touchy feely mood though." He looked down at the ground blankly. He worried that he might have offended Ethan at refusing his affection but he had his own comfort to worry about. He looked almost like a child trying to figure out the world. His fear was written all over him, not at hurting Ethan's feelings, just in general. Still staring at the ground, Kendall plopped down into the grass. Looking at him one could see that he was not all there, at least not at the moment. Once again, the blond started to cry. He didn't even know why anymore. He just wanted to go home. He wanted Kel. "T-t-today is my brothers-s-s birthday and I c-c-can't even s-s-see him." His words stumbled from his lips in broken stutters. He did not want to speak but in the same turn, he could not keep his thoughts inside anymore. "I miss him so much. I miss my whole family and I don't know if I'll ever see them again." Kendall was dancing dangerously close to his big secret. He could barely even comprehend the words that spilled out of his mouth though. "It was just my birthday and I've never been away from my family for my birthday." Kendall's hand came up to wipe away the tears from his mismatched eyes. He tried to breath in but his breath seemed to catch in his lungs. "I have Hadrian though. I had a nice birthday with him." Kendall seemed to be keeping up the conversation with himself, Ethan being merely a spectator to his little freak out. "He makes me very happy."

[Ethan]

When Kendall was so quick to get away from him. Ethan had mixed feelings of shame and rejection. He made sure his face didn't reveal what was inside, but he felt the sudden empty pain in his stomach none the less. He had called Kendall brother and it shouldn't be taken lightely. They hadn't known each other a long time, but they had become good friends or at least that's what he thought. Ethan was probably misunderstanding the friendship they had. Humans always lied and exaggerated. Even sweet hearts like Kendall and Hadrian weren't real all the time. They had a difficult time putting away their rouses around friends. He couldn't trust humans to understand how he or any Kelvic felt. He felt pity for humans and their emotional games, but he also felt alone. Perhaps Cathan would know how to deal with this? For the moment Ethan tried to ignore his thoughts. Kendall needed help. When the Pyromancer dropped to floor and started weeping Ethan was right beside him crouching. He wept about not seeing his brother on his birth day and not being with his family. Ethan didn't know what to say and only had questions now. Why would he be so upset about this? Couldn't he just have gone home then? Why not send a letter? This was no reason to weep but Kendall's anguish tugged at him. It was so real and deep. Obviously he was in pain and something wasn't being said. Kendall never talked about where he came from and neither did Hadrian. The Bird was curious now and questions needed answering. "I have Hadrian though. I had a nice birthday with him." Kendall spoke in an absent minded tone. Tears stopped flowing and he seemed to be talking to the trees. "He makes me very happy." At those words Ethan gave a faint smile. The more he knew Hadrian the more he felt jealous. How could he bond properly with a lover in the way? It made sticking around illogical and sometimes he wondered why he even was. ”I too would be very happy with a bed roll of Hadrian” He laughed and sat next to his friend. ”Now Kendall I think your going to have to fill me in on something. I just don't get it. If your this torn up about leaving your brother behind. Why not go back to wherever your from?” He sighed and crossed his legs. A copper hand stroked his goatee. ”Aren't you from Zelvita or something like that? You do know your sitting next to a bird right? I could make that trip with good winds. In about four days? Do you want me to deliver a message? Better to write then nothing at all?” He wanted to lean in but kept his distance and used his hands to cover any of his manhood that could be seen. ”Tell me what grieves you Kendall? I am following you to Ravok aren't I? I think you can trust me.”

[Kendall Saarinen]

To Kendall's auristic sight, Ethan's aura seemed to take on a hurt and dejected color. The blond had expected this to happen, even if wished it wouldn't. He couldn't expect a Kelvic to understand why he would be uncomfortable with him getting so close while nude. "Ethan… I meant no disrespect. I promise." His mismatched eyes looked up at Ethan from his place on the ground. Tears still clung to his eyelashes although they were short-lived as he tried his best to wipe them away. "I am thankful that you called me brother. It meant more to me than you know." Kendall wanted to explain everything to Ethan. He wanted him to know why he was so strange and why he was comfortable with his friend's nudity. He couldn't though. This was not the right time. The Azenth wanted to keep his secret to himself where no one else could hear it. He wanted to lock it up deep inside of him so it could slowly fade and become nothing. Ethan's next words made Kendall feel uncomfortable at first. He did not know how he felt about Ethan talking about sharing bedding with the man he called his lover. He had to stop himself though. He was not dealing with another human, he was dealing with a Kelvic, an animal. He probably did not mean anything romantic by the comment. It would have been much like Cathan sharing a bedroll with him. They were close friends and that made it okay. Ethan was digging further into Kendall's history though. He was asking about the things that the blond tried his hardest to hide. While he did not want to share his secret with Ethan the Kelvic deserved to know. Like Hadrian had said, he was traveling to the city of chaos for him. Kendall motioned for Ethan to sit down across from him. He was still uncomfortable with a naked man in front of him that was not Hadrian but he felt Ethan would take the news better if he was sitting. "Umm… Ethan." His mismatched eyes caught Ethan's. "There are things about me that are… I don't know… strange I suppose. I can tell you about where I come from why I cannot go home but I need to know that you will still see me as you do now. As your friend." Kendall felt tears well up in his eyes. "You just need to promise me you will still let me be your little brother if I let you know about me." He did not want to lose Ethan but perhaps it was time to bring him into the light. "Hadrian knows all of it already. I'll tell you… I just don't want you to be disgusted by me." The sight of Markus was still fresh in Kendall's mind. He had disgusted his once close friend because of what happened to him. He would never get that memory out of his head as long as he lived.

[Ethan]

There was a long pause between the two. "Umm… Ethan." Kendall's words weren't met with an absent minded Mmhmm. Ethan's mind was else where as he tried piecing things together himself. When their eyes met. The normally mix matched eyes, were now black as flint. They glinted with moonlight. His eyes were beautiful day or night. He had always liked Kendall's eyes. "There are things about me that are… I don't know… strange I suppose. I can tell you about where I come from why I cannot go home but I need to know that you will still see me as you do now. As your friend." Ethan could see the tears welling up, even in the dark. It made his stomach curl with grief. Why was Kendall so pained by this? What happened to him to make such an impact. "Hadrian knows all of it already. I'll tell you… I just don't want you to be disgusted by me." The mans spoke in a shaky voice. Ethan would of promised in a heart beat but the idea made him feel a little curious. Why was he feeling Sympathy so much and so soon? There had been many people he loved but sympathy and regret had been forgotten long ago. Lost in the realization of life's horrors... Until Hadrian that is. The Hydromancer's undying humanity was suffocating and almost intolerable. Like any medicine that worked. ”Nothing you can say, short of being a Kelvic slaver. Will make me disgusted of you. Animals know little of prejudice and less of hate. I myself have had a hard history.” He offered his hand. So that he could squeeze it if needed. Ethan had learned his lesson with physical contact. ”I used to make gold, by charming women with drinks and words. Only to quietly rob them as they were passed out. Some wouldn't pass out and I had to do things to keep up the ruse. I seduced men too but they often wanted to fuck me instead of drink... I did what I had to survive and have a full stomach.. Whatever you have done Kendall. Is no problem to me. You have been good to me and will always be my friend. So I promise I will stick by you.” He sighed heavily. He trusted Kendall but it was a hard thing to admit to someone as sweet and gentle as Kendall. He was so sensitive.