Wandering in the cold[open]

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A lawless town of anarchists, built on the ruins of an ancient mining city. [Lore]

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Wandering in the cold[open]

Postby Mastermind on December 9th, 2010, 10:24 pm

AWARDS


Jokor
Skills
Observation +1, Negotiation +1, Running +1, Brawling +2, Weapon (Thrown Rock) +1

Lore
Stealing From the Weak
Grabbing Wild Animals Can be Painful
It's easy to fall when the ground is wet
Don't steal from girls with big brothers
A Twisted Ankle can get you killed
Shapeshifters are Scary
The Strong Prey on the Weak in Sunberth
Pee Warms the Legs

Notes
You asked for some writing tips, so I'm going to give you a bunch. First off, make sure you put spaces after punctuation. It makes your posts a little hard to read when you don't put spaces after your periods and commas. I noticed you started doing this in your later posts, so I imagine someone has already given you that tip. Also, you may want to spellcheck your posts. Try to avoid the F-bomb, and use "petch" instead. It's the Mizahar equivalent. NPC interactions are usually limited to barkeeps, shop clerks and the like, unless it's a flashback. Proof read, proof read, proof read. I hope I don't come across like a jerk here, but I like where you character is going, and I want to see your writing blossom.


Niera
Skills
Brawling +2, Hunting +1, Stealth +1, Rhetoric +1, Weapon (Dagger) +1, Running +1


Lore
The Chill of Nudity in the Rain
Making men blush with your body
Slumming It, Rats for Dinner
Most People Don't Walk Around Naked
The Strong Prey on the Weak in Sunberth
Hitting Weak Spots

Items
Dagger

Notes
Please re-read the Kelvic lore. Your fox fangs don't carry over into human form. Maybe I just misread, and you meant normal human teeth, but it came across as actual fangs, not just human canines. Also, same thing as above. Proof read and spell check your posts, to make them easier to read for others. And avoid controlling NPCs, especially having them give you stuff.


Trassen
Skills
Reimancy +1


Lore
The Strong Prey on the Weak in Sunberth
Gathering Amusement From Other's Suffering
Scavaging in Sunberth

Items
Bloody Winter Blanket

ALL
If you have any issues with my awarding, PM me, and we'll discuss it. I only awarded one point for some skills that were used, since they weren't used more than once or twice, nor with great detail. For more XP, go into more detail.
Last edited by Mastermind on December 10th, 2010, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mastermind
Sunberth AS
 
Posts: 55
Words: 19833
Joined roleplay: December 9th, 2010, 12:57 pm
Race: Staff account
Office
Medals: 1
Peer Reviewer (1)

Wandering in the cold[open]

Postby Mastermind on December 9th, 2010, 11:50 pm

I am re-grading this thread. I was excited to grade my first post and did so hastily. I have since read some enlightening things about grading. Realizing I was ferociously stingy here, I will be re-evaluating the entire thread. All participants will be PMed after I have finished and edited the above post.
Image
User avatar
Mastermind
Sunberth AS
 
Posts: 55
Words: 19833
Joined roleplay: December 9th, 2010, 12:57 pm
Race: Staff account
Office
Medals: 1
Peer Reviewer (1)

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