[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

[Kendall Saarinen]

I was talking in chat about my sonnets and I decided to post them in here because I really don't know how to explain them. They are kinda depressing but I really am proud of them. They are meant to go along with one another. The two people were married and something happened. The poems are supposed to not tell too much. It is mostly up to imagination. Take it how you will. It would be interesting to see what everyone thinks it is about. To Anthony April and May have again come and gone My love why you still are not here with me? All I have is the echoes on the lawn Showing where our young love used to be   Why did you go, was life really that hard? Do you recall the life you promised me? The children who would wrestle in our yard? Or our summer vacation to the sea?   My wonderful Anthony We were so happy and newly wed Only one year in counting were you bound to me Before you joined the ranks of the dead   So I will remember the sound of bullet and bone And every time I hear of suicide I will know why I am all alone ~Katherine To Katherine I did not mean to hurt you Katherine My dear I never meant to see you cry But after everything I’ve been through It was finally time to say goodbye   There were things about who I used to be Things a soul such as yours should never know Although you thought you knew all about me I could not tell you why I had to go   Do not waste your youth visiting my grave I am deeply dead and so far away I cannot return all the love you gave But all the memories I left will stay   So if you miss me, know that this is better I’m nothing but a suicide letter ~Anthony

[Isette]

Wow, those are intense, Chesh. <3

[Kendall Saarinen]

Words, Words, and Additional Words I have had some lines of poetry and music stuck in my head lately. Here they are. (Super simple intro) "You could crush me/ But please don't crush me/ cuz baby I'm a dreamer for sure" -Some song by Mayday Parade that I'm too lazy to look up "We are just little thread. Space, the room. Earth, the bed. A woman's sewing us for the infant universe. She wants no more thoughts and no more drugs. Money or religion. Shes tired of friends and their coincidences." - "Spread the Rumors" By Socratic "I want to know what he knows. I want to feel what he feels." -No idea on this one but it is stuck in my head. Lemme know if you know. "Love come quickly/ Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in/ It's on the brink/ Love come quickly/ Because I don't think I can keep this monster in/ It's in my skin" - "Gunning Down a Romance" by Savage Garden "Just dance it." -Maxxie Oliver from Skins (Kendall's model) "Mountin' the trail, but you got it in sight. Sometimes our only way is jumpin' I hope your not afraid of heights. Reach in my pocket, for a bill that isn't there, To face all of the un-doings, is still more than I can bear. Love is the reason, theres a meaning to the world. We're giving love." - "Meaning" by Gavin DeGraw

[Kendall Saarinen]

There is a poem that will not stop circling around and around in my mind. I don't really know why. Today I finally decided to look through my poetry books and I found it. This is one of my favorite poems so I hope you all will like it. The Calm of Calamity By: Christopher James Ruff In the eye of the sky the night bent down and sighed, and said with a smile, to the wind as it cried: "Your tears form the oceans and with it the tides, time forms the tears that you cast from your eyes, your salt forms the land and the earth becomes mortar, which dictates your path with direction and order, as the rivers lay softly asleep in their beds, you cry with great plumage from violet to red, as you to your sons and you to your daughters, I'll keep gentle watch over the earth and its waters, and as much as you control the ebb and the flow, as sure as the currents carve the pathways below, as swift as the tides rotate from high to low, that's as swift as you came and as quickly you'll go."

[Kendall Saarinen]

Total Revenge (I understand the lyrics are in the video) When I like you, It's total revenge. I want to, but I can pretend, That I don't need to be by your side again. Wrap me up, In a plastic case, Pat me down, With your warm embrace, I wanna know Where you lay your face at night, For all these years. You're a problem, That I can't abide, I could sleep well, If only I tried, But I stay up and dream of a bride to be, Oh me, Oh my. Give it up, I can't wait no more. I am stuck on your bedroom floor. With the thought, That I may not be, As great as those who came before. There's a man assigned to me, And he checks on my stability. We discuss you every week. Then I rinse and rinse, repeat. But maybe, I can show you, Baby, Maybe, I can relax for good, Whoa baby, I can show you, Maybe, Baby, There's a man assigned to me, And he checks on my stability, We discuss you every week, Then I rinse and rinse, repeat. And he charges by the tear, Til I weep no more strictly out of fear, That I can't afford your love, And the moon just burns above. This song has been stuck in my head since I woke up and I felt like posting it. I just love the lyrics <3

[Kendall Saarinen]

I'm moving all of my poetry to this scrapbook. Here are my rabbit poems! They were written about a girl who used to be my best friend. My Rabbit The wind blows hard these days Like ferocious ocean roar My closest friend, a timid rabbit Her feet, frightened lapine paws across the sylvan floor Do not flit away from your burrow When the hunter's dogs run and play Hungry souls have no eye for beauty And they will never go away It is amazing what the wolf sees When the rabbit bows her head to dine The brave lapine child dances with predators But is quick to fear what lies in seas of pine When pearly fangs and claws that scar Come to bite and throw attacks She will disappear like morning mist I, the wolf following loyally in her tracks She jumps from place to place Never staying a constant color When she is one way to my face She is a stranger to another When once we were as true as two can be There was never a fault in sight But my rabbit keeps on changin' And I will not see her tonight Life cannot be lived by washing one's colors clean Or changing one's natural pelt But I am losing her to forest madness I wish she knew how it felt So run my fleet footed forest friend Run from every rumble in the wood When once I saw myself in you I truly misunderstood My Rabbit, Part Two I should have taken the storms as a warning The forest winds never lie My Rabbit was preparing to depart Before I could say goodbye I should have never wasted my time With a rodent of her kind For she is simply woodland prey Without a stable sense of mind At risk of sounding proud I know my weight in the wood My paws shall stand where they are meant to be Because my place is understood The Rabbit's fur is growing muddy Her paws are sinking into the shifting land She does not see it is her own self-induced undoing That pulls her down through the sand The sick thing of it all is I would help her if she reached out to me She is more concerned with pleasing vile beasts That do not deserve the affection of who she used to be The company the Rabbit keeps Is a beast more vile than the rest With fur so mismatched and mangy And a soul one cannot help but detest This beast is horrid and lustful She would take any creature to bed But the Bucks and Boars of the forest are disgusted So she preys on the Rabbit instead The longer the Rabbit follows the beast The further she is from being free In turn the Rabbit is killing herself But she is too ignorant to see I'm done with her rabbit games If she knows what is best for her she will stay out of my hunting ground I am no longer going to protect her When the predators come prowling around I was always one of them I really should have seen All the signs were there I just did not know what they were supposed to mean Rabbit, keep away from my territory You made your choice when you pushed me away You have found a new place in the arms of the beast And in her arms you shall stay Let Mother Nature protect you May her winds blow kindly through your fur But watch your quiet tongue When you speak unkindly of her Just because your eyes cannot perceive her beauty And she is not as widely worshiped as the God before which you kneel It does not mean she is all around you It does not mean she is not real At least I found something Unlike you, I have solid ground on which I stand So when you go hopping through mixed matched faiths Just know you will never truly understand So when you think back and wonder Why your forests are grey and bare When the trees are dead and silent Because woodland creatures are no longer there In silence when the birds stop singing And the wolves halt their moon time call When the beast has moved forward Or was she ever really there for you at all? When she is gone who will you have? When you give everything you are away There is no longer substance in your soul And it is slipping every day Now that my opinions have been said My fiery words have had their chance to fly There is only one thing left to do My Rabbit… It's time to say goodbye…

[Kendall Saarinen]

More poems by me! WarTime Never is there peace like the moment a war subsides When account is taken of the casualties of both sides When dust clears and weapons fall like shining metallic rain The moment all warriors and knights know they can breathe again The castle is safe, the country secure by clashing weapons of might Knowing I can see tomorrow because I'll live through the night All soldiers knew when dawn broke and they could see the sun New life could now blossom for peace had just begun Though dictators stand on thrones of blood, steel, and broken men If we do not back down in fear we will see the sun again Who knew who were the first to fight like dogs other than dogs themselves? Giving into canine tendencies to put trophies on our shelves We must learn that not all dogs were born to fight Sometimes hounds must learn to bark before they start to bite It is not human nature to turn tail and avoid on coming war But if we destroy everything on Earth what is worth fighting for? Love Like The Weather Relationships change like the weather. Everyone knows that is true. But I never thought in a million years Our connection would ever fall through. The beginning was like sunny skies On a cloudless summer day I never thought the darkness would descend, The thunder stormed over and took it all away. Our classes togather were so innocent, Like the beginning of spring. Knowing that it is so strange, Now that you are gone I do not feel a thing. High school is like acid rain Corroding the hands we love to hold. Where we can find our truest friends In the same place where their identity is sold. Being good was not what you wanted You wanted all of Walled Lake Northern in your hands When I dreamed of us together Your mind burned with other plans. My best friend seems so far away now So far from the boy who was so true Because now it is like you are behind an icy shield And I can scratch the surface but I cannot get through. You hold the hand of a different girl every day She changes as the days pass by. I can see as time goes on and on and you push me away I was a stupid fool to even try. I've been so blinded by shallow fairy tales I'm done with Romeo and Juliet. Now I see the only times you are in love Are the times when I am the best you can get. I will admit it I'm not vain enough to hide Hand is so cold with out yours around it I still want you by my side If I told you I loved you could that be enough? What if I broke down on the phone? What if I am tired of being tough? What if you hurt me so bad that I would rather be alone? You built yourself around everyone else. You are so blind because you cannot see. When your beloved girlfriends drop you on a whim The person who continues to catch you is me. You used to be my beacon You always led me safely to shore. Now you've found your fame And you don't want to save me anymore. You always played with my emotions It hurt but I always said it was okay. You told me that you loved me But I now have a hard time believing what you say. Let's raise our glasses to the boy who showed me love was like. For the proof of how fast a heart can shatter. For all the years I wasted on you When it didn't even matter. My ABCs All alone But for tonight everything is Calm and bright. Don't worry now, Everything will be alright, For now the weather is clear. Going forward, never back, even in the rain. Hailing the storm clouds and the sleet In perfect streaks again. Just close your eyes and Keep sight of Long roads where you roam. For Monday brings Narrow pathways to quest your long way home. Only Passable when hearing the Quiet whispers of Real figments playing in the Shadows of our minds and never forgetting Tommorows milita will Undertake what yesterday always finds. Valient under compromising situations When X-marks the spot is hard to see. You'll continue to march forward in this Zoo this world has come to be.

[Renaria]

Those are some lovely poems. You have a wonderful way of writing <3 I especially like the rabbit ones (:

[Kendall Saarinen]

I made a Vantha today (not a PC, just a picture)! This would be what my Vantha would look like (if I ever made one). The model is Maika Maile. Before photoshoping After photoshoping (I love the purple Vanis) That is about it. I just wanted to show off my picture. I love Vanthafying pictures

[Kendall Saarinen]

The Girly Man Club (AKA The GMC) The Divine Order of Feminine Men A brief history of the GMC and how they came to be: There was once a day where feminine men were scorned by society. People would look down upon them for their interest in fashion or their beautiful looks. It was hard for these men. They did not ask to be beautiful or extremely fashion inclined. It was simply a blessing and a curse. For a while there were murmurs about an uprising. Two men by the names of Kendall Saarinen and Julian Merideth had conversed and talked about their femininity. They could not make a stand with just two people though. Then on April 30th, 2011 another girly man like Kendall and Julian stepped foot into Mizahar. His name was Dra-Seven (but he liked to be called Seven). Immediately, almost as if it was an act of girly man magnetism, Julian and Kendall were drawn to Dra-Seven, befriending him almost immediately. The three laughed, giggled (well… maybe not Julian), and got odd looks from more masculine men. They were happy though. As they say, two is company but three is a crowd (or at least I think that is what they said…). It was just a joke at first but Kendall started to refer to them as The GMC, the Girly Man Club. Seven enjoyed this thoroughly, Julian remained apathetic (but historians have come to believe that deep down he really did care, but was hiding it to look cool). So the name was taken and the three became the founding members of the GMC. Next they needed members. The first member to join their ranks was Victor Lark. Everyone was more than happy to usher him into the ranks but Kendall was starting to wonder why he was the only person in the GMC who was not asian. This wonder lessened a bit when Denen Brokensong joined who was Drykas. Zeneth was the next to join and after a HUGE amount of pestering from Kendall and Seven, Veldrys was also allowed into the ranks. To this day, these seven men stand for all that is man girly. Who knows when another will join the ranks? It could be you (but it probably isn't). Rules for joining the GMC: 1. You need to be a guy 2. You need to either look feminine or act feminine. Preferably both. 3. All of the members of the GMC need to be in chat while you are in chat to be admitted in. (An amendment to this rule is underway seeing that the club is getting larger) Rules of the GMC: 1. If one girly man is hurt by someone, all the girly men are hurt by that person. To hurt a girly man is to declare war with the rest of the club. 2. Never grow a beard unless you absolutely have to. This includes long travels or times when money is scarce and needs to be spent on more important things like clothing and hair products. Current Members: Name: Kendall Saarinen Age: 22 Hometown: Zeltiva Relationship Status: In an undefined relationship with Hadrian Aelius Skills: Poetry, Writing, Reimancy Personality: Like most of the GMC, Kendall is quite feminine but he tries hard to hide it. He tends to be very awkward and a bit overly poetic at times. When looking at him one can tell there is something a bit off about him although few know what it really is. He is usually quite quiet but once one gets to know him he tends to be more affectionate and talkative. Factions or Groups: Azenth, Founding Member of the GMC Theme Song: "Wrong Body" By As Cities Burn Name: Seven Xu Age: 18 Hometown: Lhavit Relationship Status: Living/Canoodling with Larkums Skills: Astronomy, Cartography Personality: Passionate and inquisitive, Seven is an undisputed candidate for the title 'girly man'. Manliness just never suited him; he is short and thin and vain. As unassuming and naive as he seems on the outside (something that consciously works in his favor), Seven is an incredibly intelligent and opportunistic individual. He enjoys mapping the stars, reading, and his favorite food is apples. Factions or Groups: Founding Member, GMC Theme Song: "Starlight" By Muse Name: Zeneth Okeum Age: 6 (Appears roughly mid 20s) Hometown: Lhavit Relationship Status: In a budding relationship with Tamsin. Skills: Unarmed combat, climbing. Personality: There isn't much to say in terms of personality. Zeneth can be a cruel cruel man, but for what it's worth, he isn't the stereotypical mindless servant most of his kin are. He's a man that might need to go to some anger management classes at some point in his life, but at the same time is prone to rolling over onto his back for his bondmate. He's a vegetarian and a lover of all things black. TL;DR: He's a douche. Factions or Groups: Faction of the... cute Okomos? GMC? I don't know haha. Theme Song: "Mercy" By OneRepublic Name: Victor Lark Age: 19 Hometown: Ravok Relationship Status: Living/Canoodling with Seven Skills: Stealth, Acrobatics, Subterfuge Personality: His perpetual smile is more often derisive than friendly. He is incapable of empathy, but not for lack of effort; he turns people into projects in order to understand them, and loves nothing more than to investigate and annoy. He would rather pick a fight than think or read and, like a true girly man, he usually loses. In the rare occasions when he is alone, he likes to freerun and explore. Factions or Groups: Social Chair of the Ravokian Racists (what?) Theme Song: "Peacock" By Katy Perry Name: Julian Meredith Age: 25 Hometown: Syliras Relationship Status: Widowed Skills: Playing Cello, Music Composition, Hypnotism Personality: "I'm terrible at conversation when I'm not faking something." Smiling politely and making light conversation is so mechanical for Julian that he often has difficulty being genuine. It's his default method of interacting with most people, though he finds most social interaction to be trivial and as fleeting as it is meaningless. Beneath his cool exterior hides an ongoing struggle with a deep anger and a burning desire to understand himself. Hypnotism plays a role in the latter as he strives to control his own life. Playing music is one of the few things that brings him comfort. He has an aristocrat's taste in fashion, and keeps his hair long and sweeping: likely his only womanish traits. Julian is seldom far from a bottle of wine, and is partial to inviting just about any woman into his bed. Factions or Groups: Lhavit's Unregistered Wizards, Elder of the GMC Theme Song: "Glittering Cloud" By Imogen Heap Veldrys: Veldrys Age: 21 Hometown: Denval Relationship Status: Canoodling with Lucette Skills: Medicine, Morphing Personality: Veldrys doesn’t seem to be particularly girly at first. He doesn’t mind blood (he sometimes even drinks it), he likes cutting people up (solely for scientific purposes of course), he prays to Viratas, and he doesn’t always care whether he looks good either. The only reason why he doesn’t have a beard is that he can’t grow one as a Symenestra (he can do so with morphing though). On the other hand he abhors violence (apart from his own) and is often quiet and somewhat melancholic, and there is a part of him that appreciates beauty, no matter which form or gender it takes. Factions or Groups: GMC Name: Denen Brokensong Age: 18 Hometown: Endrykas Relationship Status: Petch-Buddies with Sama'el Skills: Herbalism, medicine, etc. Personality: Denen is a rather awkward, quiet young man, with a fabulous love of herbs and medicine. He is a rather demonstrative fellow, and could happily spend his day cuddling and gardening if it was possible to do so. He is terribly affectionate, and loves to tell stories and entertain children. One of Denen's dreams is to be a daddy one day, though he's not exactly sure how that will work out. There's always adoption! Factions or Groups: GMC sign language translator Theme Song: “Heavy in Your Arms” by Florence + the Machine Name: Laszlo Age: 1 year and 3 seasons. Hometown: The Ukalas. Relationship Status: Single Skills: Hypnotism, Seduction, Staring Wistfully Personality: Recently arrived to the mortal world of Mizahar, Laszlo is still unsure about his place in the world. His double existence as an Ethaefal and a Symenestra only further confuses him, and his personality may shift depending whichever form he's in. Though he seems distanced and disconnected from the goings-on of his universe, Laszlo is actually very observant and analytical, quietly processing his emotions and logical thought in his own time. Laszlo is outwardly kind and often a passive personality, but there is more ambition and intent behind his changing eyes than one might initially think. Factions or Groups: Syna-born Ethaefal Theme Song: "Carry on My Wayward Son" by Kansas Allies of The GMC: Name: Hadrian Aelius Age: 22 Hometown: Syliras Relationship Status: In some way, shape, or form with Kendall Saarinen Skills: Magic and Mistakes Personality: Terrible cold fish. Oh, well, he lives in his brain and only comes out when he has to, though life is demanding more of that now he's no longer a full-time student at the University. Also, he's more alert so he can take care of Kendall, Ethan, and the rest of their traveling companions as well. "If you want something done right, you had better do it yourself." Factions or Groups: Alumnus of the University of Zeltiva; Spy for the Syliran Knights; Informant for Zarik Mashaen [aka the male Mata Hari] Theme Song (with regard to Kendall, anyway): "You Made Me Gay" by Gravy Train!!!! Name: Sama'el Age: 18 Hometown: Endrykas Relationship Status: Single, but interested in Athe Stormheart Skills: Riding, Horsemanship, Scimitar, Webbing, Acrobatics Personality: Disgustingly ebullient. Despite the trials and tribulations of his childhood, he likes everyone and is, by and large, an unremitting optimist. He can't stay down for long; he's too buoyant. His code of honor is codified in the laws of the Drykas nation, but while he is strict in his adherence, he is also full of mercy and forgiveness. Gross. Factions or Groups: The Drykas Watch, the once and future Sunsinger pavilion Name: Jaelyn Baroth Age: 17 Hometown: Syliras Relationship Status: A few crushes, but nothing beyond that Skills: Sword, Spear, Shield, Riding, and swooning over GMC members Personality: Jaelyn strives to be the epitome of Knighthood in all that she does, and she does her best to put anything else aside. Girlishness is her weakness however, both in men and activities. She tries to resist, but that only makes it more tempting the next time. Factions or Groups: Syliran Knights, Fangirl of the GMC