An Education [Kendall, Cathan]

[Hadrian]

3rd Spring, 511 A.V. Now Hadrian had met Cathan, Kendall, and Sondra, and spent some time with all of them. Having survived a hunt with Cathan, some strange visits with Kendall, and Sondra's cooking, he finally got around to keeping a promise, and that was to teach Kendall a thing or two that he had learned. So he met Kendall at the door to his father's suite within the more prestigious area of the Citadel let to people who weren't members of the Order, and he was pleased to see Cathan, who liked the light that came in from the windows, he remembered. Not wanting to give them the grand tour, he hurried them toward the room he had taken for the time being, though they could catch a glimpse of more opulence than the common man could call his own on the way. Even his room, temporary though it might be, had windows that let out onto the sky and light and air, which most residents of Syliras lacked. There was a haunch of fresh venison for Cathan, more human repast for Kendall, overstuffed armchairs and a bed, tables and a desk, an armoire, and a little fire burning away the last of winter's chill. A cozy den, Cathan had called it before, and indeed it was. "Make yourselves at home," he said diffidently, not sure how to play this: as social call, class, or some mixture of the two which threw him off balance all the more. "It's good to see you," and that much was truth.

[Cathan]

Hadrian's residence was still a place of wonder for the Kelvic. The home boast rooms after rooms after rooms, alone the kitchen Cathan had come to see during his last visit larger than some of the room he had staid at during travel. Thick carpets muted ones steps and while the place offered more furniture than he saw a need for, the shapeshifter could not deny the man's domicile was rather comfortable. From his last visit he knew of the curious need to remain quiet till they reached their destination, and so he made an effort to trail along behind Kendall and Hadrian in silence.

It wasn't until they stepped into the room the young magecrafter had taken as his own, Cathan grinned. "It is good to see you too." He searched the other man's face. "Well recovered from the hunt too it seems."

In had been an eventful day, that morning in the woods. A fox. A bear. Magic. It was not everyday the canine could claim to have helped bringing down an animal as large and dangerous as the beast just woken from winter sleep. He had not done all that much when he was honest, yet that was a detail he liked to keep to himself and which lost in significance the longer he thought about the occurrences. It had been a wonderful day, a good hunt.

"Hmn, deer is it not?," Cathan continued, his amber eyes darting towards the venison resting on a nearby table. The Kelvic's nostril flared and he licked his lips. Not waiting for an answer he continued over to the meal, tearing a small piece of meat off with pointy fingers. It was pretty clear the shapeshifter deemed courtesy dealt with, turning his attention to his well-deserved reward. If only showing manners would always harbor so rich treats! Suddenly he wondered if it maybe did and only his frequent failings in the field of civility let him go with out. Then he decided it was unlikely.

Quietly he strolled over to the chair he had already sat in that night he had been drinking with Hadrian, the one which would allow him to glance out of the window when he leaned to the side a little. The plate with the food he had brought with him and with easy he balanced it on his knee.

"Don't let me distract you," he offered with a smirk, a lick over his fatty fingers. "I will remain here and, hm, watch."

Magic. He had learned so much about it in the past two seasons. He knew he could trust both Kendall and Hadrian using it, yet the Kelvic was not sure he trusted, or even understood magic just yet. However, he was sure his friends' lessons would prove very insightful in that regard. With a last glance from one man to the other he leaned back to tear yet another piece of his meal. After the ice attacks Hadrian had launched in the woods some days previous he even felt a little curious.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Hadrian's living quarters were quite impressive. They reminded him a bit of his own home back in Zeltiva, in the way it was more high-end than other places of residence. Kendall knew he would not go home any time soon, if ever. As he walked through Hadrian's abode Kendall's eyes took on a more distant look. This was the first time he had been in someone's home since he was kicked out if his own. Over the past few seasons tents had become his only home, for lack of a better world. Hadrian's words did manage to make a small smile break through Kendall's dazed state. Make yourself at home. Kendall liked the sound of that, especially coming from Hadrian. "It is good to see you again too Hadrian." Kendall was caught between wanting to be more affectionate and wanting to be proper. He settled on a friendly smile, although it was hard to hide the more girly side of his emotions that wanted to show Hadrian that he fancied him. "It did not bother Hadrian last time but I shouldn't push it." Not knowing what else to do, Kendall sat down on an armchair, running his fingers over it's covering. He missed the furniture of his home back in Zeltiva. Most of all, he missed his desk where he wrote his poetry. None of that would seem the same anyway. The warm memories of home were slashed and tattered now though. He had a new home though. At least in a way. Although the home was more like a tent it was with Cathan and thanks to him Kendall was no longer alone. Kendall looked over to Cathan who was wolfing down venison. While some people might have been embarassed to see their companions do this in front of others Kendall was happy just to see his companion eating. He often felt bad that he did not have the skill you supply Cathan with food nor the money. He cared for the Kelvic as if he was his brother. They had known each other for a few seasons now and had created quite the bond over their trip though the wildlands. Kendall was a little worried about being around both Hadrian and Cathan. Both knew completely different sides of him. While Cathan knew the quiet and more reserved side of him, Hadrian he seen who he really was. He knew his secret before Cathan did. That fact bothered Kendall. Cathan should have known first. Cathan trusted him and he hid who he truely was from him. The truth would have to come out someday if they were to stick together. The problem was when. Shyly, Kendall looked at Hadrian. "I am ready when you are." He was a little scared. He was not raised around magic and the only magic he had used was reimancy. Hadrian seemed to be skilled in it's workings. He just was unsure of how he would react to this new art. Auristics would be a little scary but he would be able to handle it in time. It was the morphing that worried him the most. He had gone through such a radical change already. How would he react when the change was self imposed?

[Hadrian]

Once Cathan was eating -- though Hadrian flashed him a conspiratorial smile that tried to encompass their shared experience on the hunt, and nodded to say it was indeed venison -- and the niceties were seen to, it seemed that Kendall became a bit diffident and spoke instantly of the lessoning to be had, and Hadrian wondered if he had misread their previous meetings, if he had been boring Kendall who was really only interested in what he could teach him. Hadrian smiled, just a trifle tightly, and ducked his head, rubbing at his dark hair. He cleared his throat and tried to usher Kendall into one of the chairs without actually touching him, though his pale, slender fingers hovered close enough to doing so. It almost felt like more heat was pouring off of Kendall than the fire under the mantel. "Best get comfortable like Cathan here," he said, and turned the chair around so Kendall wouldn't be facing the fire or the window. "I'm afraid that the best way to begin is with meditation, because it calms the mind and makes it easier to get out of your own way... the mind, the negative ego, it will feed you false information when it feels like it's losing control. Or so I've been told. Basically thinking too much gums up the works and makes magic more difficult. That's why I have such trouble with the personal disciplines." All the while he was speaking, he pulled a table in front of Kendall's chair, but not too close. A taper was lit from the fire and set on the table. "Fire's a good focus for you, no? Anyway... When you are comfortable, we'll begin. Oh Cathan... you should feel free to attempt this too. I mean, it wouldn't hurt..." The Kelvic had seemed fascinated enough by magic, and if Hadrian could teach him how to see it, he might be better equipped to help Kendall and to avoid any sort of magus who might wish him ill.

[Cathan]

"It certainly tastes great," he grinned with a nod towards the slightly bloody meat.

Licking his fingers the Kelvic watched the exchange between his friends. It had come as quite the surprise to learn both Kendall and Hadrian had run into each other without his help. He could vaguely recall offering the magecrafter to arrange a meeting, but when he was honest the thought had slipped his mind soon after. Chance, it seemed, had corrected his lapse of memory.

It pleased Cathan to see the two sorcerers to get along so well. He had little knowledge of magic, yet when the university back in Zeltiva was any indication, magic users felt comfortable in the company of their own kin. Which made sense to the canine. Wolves were no loners either, instead they enjoyed running with their packs. Maybe mages were not all that different in the end. They certainly did not prove as frightful as some men had tried to make him believe in the past. The shapeshifter had respect for a power able to render a bear to shreds, but neither Kendall nor Hadrian were the sort of man eligible to inspire fear in others. Or at least they had never tried to scare him. Not deliberately anyway.

His friends were... benign in many ways, sometimes too much so for their own good, when Cathan was to be asked. They rarely asked him for help and never ordered him around, yet the Kelvic tried to find tasks which allowed him to help still. It made it easy to feel needed. And it satisfied one of the few instincts not originating in his animalistic nature.

Again he tore a piece of venison from his plate, listening with half an ear when Kendall urged to start with the lesson. Both men shared this passion for knowledge – a desire which seemed a little unhealthy at times, although Cathan was unable to dress the thought into proper words. His attention shift back to the talking sorcerer.

When Hadrian mentioned the fire would serve as a great focus for the other man, his eyes darted towards the licking flames. Almost two seasons in the company of a fire reimancer had eased his dislike of the dancing red, yet so far he had not overcome his aversion entirely. He cherished the fire's warmth at night, in the same turn it was hard to forget about base instincts. The kelvic cocked his head to the side.

"Ah... what are we trying to learn again?"

His smile gained a rueful edge and he scratched his his neck. When Kendall had said they would visit Hadrian for the two to study some magic or other, he had not actually considered asking what they intended to learn about. He had not thought any teaching might include him as well. The thought was met with curiosity and a little excitement. And a little worry.

"It has nothing with fire, now has it?"

[Kendall Saarinen]

There was a balance that Kendall was struggling to keep while sitting in the presence of the two men. His more feminine emotions were calling out to Hadrian, wanting all of his attention, while his more masculine emotions wanted to stay strong and silent in the face of Cathan. He had thought he had found balance in his swaying state of gender but now faced with two men, both knowing a different side of him, Kendall felt lost all over again. He took comfort in both of them for different reasons but those reasons conflicted one another just like they did with his emotions. This meeting would be difficult. One person would see a side of Kendall they were not used to. The thing was, who would that be? Getting comfortable would be a difficult matter. Kendall often envied how Cathan seemed to be able to just plop down somewhere and be calm. It was the joy of one who did not have an overly frenetic mind. Cathan could be calm and get lost in thought. Kendall was more trapped by them. Still, he followed Hadrian's direction and sat down on the chair. It was comfortable enough and he took a bit of pride to be sitting in one of Hadrian's chairs, even to be in his father's home. It was a connection. He had not had many since leaving Zeltiva. That in itself was a possitive and reasuring thought. Now he just needed to find something else to keep moving toward a less jumbled mind. The sight of the flickering flame helped to calm Kendall a bit. His hand began to move over to his wrist to wrap his fingers around the red flames that snaked proudly around his wrist. He stopped himself though, pulling his hand back to his side. Hadrian might have known on of Kendall's greatest secrets but he would keep his other to himself. Cathan knew about Kendall's connection to Ivak and so in a way, each man knew one half of his darkest secret. Kendall wanted to reach out to the flame and run his fingers through the licking fire. It made him feel closer to the one force that accepted him when everything else pushed him away. Appearances were more important though. He had to seem like he was a little bit normal, despite the obvious reason why he wasn't. Kendall smiled at the fire as if it was an old friend. He tried to find a bit of peace in it. "Just push the thoughts of Hadrian and Cathan out of your head. Try to find who you are, not what people see." He wished those two were the same thing. It was so difficult to try and live this double life. He watched the flame dance in front of him, trying to find harmony with it. To blink when it quivered and stare calmly when it stood tall. The thoughts kept rushing in though. He did not have any experience in meditation at all. His mind had always been an open book, letting things move every which way like the waves. He had let the emotions take over for the past few seasons and now they would not leave him be. It was like a million voices were talking in his head all at once. They were demanding him to think and worry. His eyes flicked over to Cathan defensively. The Kelvic had not always been the most comfortable man around fire yet there he was, staring into the flames. For a moment he thought to speak to Cathan, if only to get the raging words in his head to be quiet for a moment. He did not want to shake Cathan from his focus. A focus that Kendall was there to learn. After a few more chimes of staring at the flame trying to force relaxation Kendall's eyes turned to Hadrian. He felt bad that he could not even do the simplest of tasks that Hadrian had asked him to do. "Sorry Hadrian, I'm just having a little trouble. I feel like my mind is racing. Was it hard for you the first time you tried to meditate?" His eyes hovered on Hadrian for a moment before looking away and back to the flame. Kendall was feeling fear rush through him. He did not want to show Cathan how he felt about Hadrian. He knew he could trust the Kelvic. There was no doubt about that. He just did not want Cathan to push him away if who he really was started to shine through. He had trusted his family completely and they pushed him away. Why wouldn't Cathan do the same? Kendall tried one last time to look at the flame. He pushed Hadrian out. He pushed Cathan out. He pushed everything in all of Mizahar out except two things, the fire and Ivak. If he was scared and his emotions were raging then maybe it was time to turn to him. Kendall was well aware this was not time for praying. He needed to find something to push him into the meditative state though. "Ivak, please help me clear my mind and just focus." He tried to think of Ivak, far away in his mountainous prison. Absentmindedly his hand moved up his sleeve and his fingers wrapped around his wrist. Although the mark did not produce any heat Kendall could feel a sense of emotional warmth coming from it, although that could have just been the calm that was slowly washing over him.

[Hadrian]

"First, Cathan," he answered, "to quiet the mind, and then to open the eyes. Most people are born with the ability to see the djed, but are trained not to by superstitious parents. The best natural aurist I ever met was a girl whose father taught Auristics at the University of Zeltiva. I think she was encouraged from childhood to accept what she saw as real, while the rest of us labor under the prejudices of our parents against the magic that tore the world apart. But fear has its place in life, a warning, but not an insurmountable roadblock. Ivak's rage is understandable, and his destructiveness a natural process... But I have no fire to teach, Cathan. First we will try to see, and then I will try to teach Kendall to do what you do naturally." He put his hand on Kendall's shoulder, surprised to feel rather a lot of heat through his clothes. It felt like a fever, or perhaps the flush of embarrassment, but he merely patted the shoulder. "Everything is difficult at first. Even things that come quickly and easily, that ease can prove a difficulty later if one never learns to work through things... I always focus on my breath. Observe it. Control it. Sometimes the drip of a water-clock, or the patter of rain. Perhaps fire will help you meditate, or imagine the candleflame burning away all your unwanted thoughts until a stillness and emptiness remain. Fire can destroy, but it can also purify. What does the flame leave behind when you allow it to burn." When it seemed that Kendall had calmed somewhat, he began to move into Auristic meditations. "Observe the flame. Its flickering dance. Observe the nimbus of light around it. Observe the edges of that natural, visual nimbus. Can you see the energy it projects?" When Hadrian had started, there was often a translucent, colorless movement around things that was easy to shrug off as tired eyes or an optical illusion, and perhaps it was, but it often led the eyes to what was hidden. "Create a small fire in the palm of your hand, Kendall. Can you see the djed flowing down your arm? Can you see the flash of energy as it is transmuted into res? Can you see the flash of energy as the res is converted into fire? Can you see the energy of the fire? You are a pyromancer. See what is hidden in the fire. Know it intimately." There was a school of thought that said all this imaging was merely a trick to train the mind, and perhaps it was, but it hardly mattered if it tricked the mind properly, such that it could see the djed it wanted to manipulate. As he guided Kendall's meditation, and that of Cathan if the Kelvic was curious enough to follow, he engaged his own Auristics, which took nary a blink of his eye anymore, and watched the djed Fluxing down his arteries, shimmying out of his pores with that same flash of energy he described to them, only for him the res sang of morning dew and twilit snowfalls, the salt of the sea and bitter tears. Another flash in his mind's eye and the res had become water, rising from the pool in his hand to dance above his palm, little globules of water. They were beautiful, juggling themselves and reflecting the light from the window, from the fireplace, and from the candle. They were also an insurance against the fire getting out of Kendall's control. This was supposed to be a calming meditation, but one never knew with pyromancers. At the same time, he marveled at the finer detail he could See now, thinking he had achieved a new plateau in his work as an aurist. Likely he was more skilled there than he was even at magecrafting, since auristics cost only energy, while his more professional work required time, dedication, and what he didn't have a deal of: money.

[Cathan]

"Very well."

Hadrian's assurance that he would not have to worry about fire magic seemed to please the Kelvic. It drew a smirk on Cathan's face. It was one thing to be curious about a topic, another to study it. He saw no particular need to acquaint himself with the arcane. Four years he had lived well without magic and he had never felt anything amiss in his life. And yet, with both his friends so interested in the field, he started to wonder what was so fascinating about the subject.

He glanced over to Kendall, about to comment on the instructions, when he noticed the young man's concentration. Breathing out he threw him an an encouraging smile instead, continuing on his meal. Although only minutes had past since their arrival the venison had dwindled.

Cathan continued to listen. He had seen people meditate at the stone garden in the past, men and women sitting around, doing, as the Kelvic would describe it, nothing special. Some seemed to sleep, even when the canine was certain they could have found a more comfortable place to do so. He had imagined people would thinking a lot in the process – but listening to Hadrian he came to the conclusion that might not be true. It made things easier in the shapeshifter's mind. What would one think about all by oneself for three hours straight after all? Clearing ones mind deemed simple in comparison. In a way it was.

The Kelvic was untroubled by the concerns so frequently occupying the thoughts of more self aware individuals. He did not worry about food. When hunger plagued him, he would go hunt. He did not worry about shelter, as his demands in that regard were rather low. If needed be he had slept in the streets and not found the idea disturbing. Money was secondary to him as he spend it almost at random and rarely for him self. No, it was easy to not think about such things.

Instincts on the other hand were not as easily ignored. Sounds and scents presented his constant companions, easily picked up by keen senses. In this very moment he could hear the noises of a servant down in the kitchen, the unfamiliar music of a house largely unknown to him. Slowly the sounds woke his interest, the instructions becoming secondary to the chirping of a bird outside the window, the sound of a door opening somewhere in the depth of the building.

It wasn't until a flame came to life in Kendall's hand and water started to whirl around Hadrian's when the Kelvics eyes snapped back to the two other man. An empty plate was placed on the floor next to the arm chair and Cathan licked his fingers. With new found zeal the canine tried to recall his instructor's last words. He remembered little enough. Vaguely he felt bad for not listening more closely, but the feeling past quickly.

The dance of the elements was an enticing sight still. Amber eyes shifted from one man to the other, his skin tingling with a mixture of anxiety and curiosity. For a moment he wondered what he was actually supposed to see. Or if he was supposed to see anything just yet.

[Kendall Saarinen]

A smile played on Kendall's lips when Hadrian spoke of Ivak. He would not have expected such kind words toward the God from his new found friend but Hadrian left time pleasantly surprised. He felt a little more at ease knowing that Hadrian did not hold too much hatred for the fiery God. "That is one less thing to worry about." Just when Kendall had thought he had calmed down a hand touched his shoulder. A shock rippled through him at Hadrian's touch. He tried to focus on Hadrian's words as he looked into the flame. Hadrian had said to let the flame burn the thoughts away. How lucky was he that fate had united him with the tricky element. He looked at the flame, looking through it as if he was trying to see back into the past. Each time a memory came up he visualized it setting fire and receding back into the far reaches of is mind. He was not ready to let go of the memories. He still had to face them properly. At the moment they were nothing but roadblocks on his path to mediation. As the memories started to recede and succumb to the flames a slight color seemed to radiate from the candle in front of him. Kendall's eyes shot open in surprise and to his disappointment, the color seemed to dissipate. He had lost his clear state of mind. His eyes looked up at Hadrian as he continued the lesson. Kendall was more than eager to create the fire. He held his hand out in front of him and released the Res, letting it float above his palm. In a flash which usually was only filled with fire he saw a spark of color. He felt the warmth of the flame dancing above his hand and the heat absorb back into him, keeping his skin at it's higher temperature. He watched the flame dance over his hand, seeing the strings of Djed moving down his arm like a set of veins. The Djed seemed to hug tightly around his wrist where his mark was as if it was feeding off of it's fiery power. Hadrian had said to know the fire intimately. Kendall simply watched it with curious eyes. He was told to understand the fire but at times he felt the fire knew him much better. Ivak could silently watch him from his prison in the mountains but Kendall could only stare into the fire and hope to hear the God's voice again. He watched the flame quiver back and forth as his thoughts moved to the mountains. The fire was his safety and in many ways his home. It was strange that the girl born in the city off the sea was now the boy who found his solace in fire. "I see it." Kendall looked up to see Hadrian's drops of water suspended in the air around them. He looked over at Hadrian, seeing his aura for the first time. Like the other auras it was quite faint to his untrained eyes but he was sure with practice he would be able to see them clearer. He looked over at Cathan and gave him a small smile. He was not sure if he was trying to see the auras. "Can you see anything?" He was happy he was not learning about the magic alone. He always felt more comfortable with Cathan by his side.

[Hadrian]

"Oh, good," Hadrian said, obviously relieved. He was not confident in his abilities as a teacher. As a study partner, yes. But as the instructor, the authority, not at all. He could discover with a colleague, but this was just new territory and that was all there was to it. He, too, glanced toward Cathan to see if he was following along as quickly. Hadrian was of two minds as to whether it would be easier or more difficult for a Kelvic to pick up Auristics. They were magical constructs, but from what he understood, they were not inclined toward the magical arts for the main. Still, Auristics seemed like the natural place for a Kelvic to start as much as for a human. Animals relied upon their senses and instincts, and Auristics was about another sense and one's instincts in reading that information. He thought it would be a good thing if Cathan could see more than the average person, or wolf. He would then be better equipped to protect himself and Kendall. Hadrian was rather sure Sondra didn't need too much protecting herself. "Any luck, Cathan?" he asked. "Don't be embarrassed if not. I was crap at this for the longest time. Kendall's just gifted apparently." He smiled briefly at Kendall and then looked quickly back at the Kelvic.