Oh, that really sounds good, and the drinks, too. I've never had a fruity drink like...ooof!"
Shiress's words abruptly cut off with a grunt when she suddenly found herself in an awkward battle to take hold of the basket that the innkeeper thrust her way. At the same time, she struggled to take in all that Tazrae was saying. It wasn't hard to pick up on the young woman's mood, though. Frustration, agitation, and shame all rode the forefront of Tazrae's tidal wave of words.
"Of course, you can come in, Taz," Shiress assured, turning with a nod of her head in the direction of the couch, "Can I call you that? You can call me Shi if you'd like. Let's have a seat, and we'll talk all day and evening if you want to." Shiress led the way inside and placed the basket on the table in front of the couch, pulling the two glasses from within and setting them out.
"You never need an excuse to come see me, okay," Shiress said, bending her legs beneath her as she made herself more comfortable on the couch, "You've been very kind to me since I've come here," she smiled, "and I consider you a friend. Perhaps my only friend," she added with a laugh. Shiress looked thoughtful watching Tazrae, and she had the sudden desire to hug the other female. Shiress was a hugger, but she had come to learn that not everyone appreciated the sentiment, so she held back.
"I would be more than happy to share my experience as a mother with you, it definitely has its ups and downs, but I must say," she glanced at Tazrae with lifted brows, "I would really like to hear about these, what did you call them, Ixam and the company you keep with them, but we can do that another day," she grinned, "It'll be a good reason to get together again, maybe."
Shiress leaned back, placing her hands in her lap with a sigh as she thought about Ian and being his mother. "I think we'll start with the positives first," she began, "the best thing, for me, is the unconditional love, not only that I have for Ian, but the love he has for me, too. It's so easy for a child to love, even if that child isn't yours, you know." she shook her head, smiling, "If you show a child love, any child, and care for them, feed them, show them concern, praise them, even discipline them, they will return those things to you without the same conditions we as adults have,"
Shiress chuckled, "My mom used to say 'what you put in, you'll get back out' and it's so true," she leaned forward, warming to the subject, "it's nice to have someone rely on you, too. Have you ever felt the need to be needed and the elation you feel when you did something good for someone else? It's kinda like that. It gives your life meaning, purpose, and drive to get up every day cause someone needs you and relies completely on you to take care of them."
Shiress flopped back against the couch, deflating slightly, "There's a downside to being relied on, though, especially if you're a single mother like me. From the time Ian was born on the first day of Summer in 518, it's just been me. Every dirty diaper, every belly ache, every fever, every sleepless night, every bath, every tantrum, every child size issue or problem, each and every day...it's all been on me," Shiress smiled, but it was a little sad, "On the other hand, I get all the smiles and hugs and kisses that a little boy has to give, but it's hard, though, when you don't get any respite, or have anyone to give you a break every once in a while to go for a walk on the beach alone, sit quietly and think, or -mommy! Im done!- have an adult conversation." she finished, grinning at Ian's interruption and rolled her eyes.
Ian came barreling in from the kitchen, Shiress's thoroughly colored drawing held out for inspection. When the little boy spotted Tazrae, he came to a stumbling stop and stared before recognition brought a toothy grin to his round face, "Hey miss..." Ian looked at Shiress for help, "Tazrae," she whispered, and Ian straightened again, "miss Tazrae!"
Ian thrust the paper out toward his mother, "Very nice, son." she complimented, nodding her head enthusiastically in approvement, "How about you go and draw miss Tazrae a picture?" The boy nodded, and off he went the same way he had come. Shiress looked at Tazrae pointedly, "As I said, you never get time alone. Ever. But, even in that, there are rewards. Sitters, for one, although I've only had the chance of having someone watch Ian since we've joined this community," she paused, an almost angry expression crossing her features, "but even that comes with...certain scrutiny among...certain company who feel like time alone is abandoning one's child."
Shiress shook herself from the thought, giving the innkeeper a serious look, "I must say, some of the most lonely times in my life have come since I've had Ian. I think there are different types of loneliness, and you need to ask yourself what kind of loneliness you have. Is it for a relationship or companionship? I've had all the companionship I can have for the past four years, and still, I desire more than Ian could ever give."
Shiress scrubbed a rouge strand of hair from her face and planted it behind an ear as she shifted on the couch, "There are two separate beings that live inside a mother, I think. There's the mother, and then there's the woman. The mother is fulfilled by a child's love and the meaning that a child gives her, as I just explained. The woman is fulfilled by being set apart from the mother. When she's held and touched and loved. When she's made to feel protected, cherished, and valued as a partner. Those things are not things my son can ever give me. So, even being a mother," she shrugged, "I'm lonely, too."
Shiress grunted, smiling abashedly, "Ack! I'm probably not making any sense at all, but still, if you think being a mother would fulfill something inside you, and you don't think having your own child is possible right now, then one of the orphans might just be perfect for you," she paused looking thoughtful, "maybe you should start coming around the Children's Pavillion. Spend time with the kids and get to know them. Maybe one of them will tug at your heart."
Just then, Shadow, Shiress's huge black cat, came sauntering into the living room, the tip of his long black tail swaying idly, and jumped up on the couch, bypassing Shiress to sniff daintily at Tazrae's arm. The cat looked up at this human newcomer, his crystal blue eyes assessing. Whatever the feline was looking for, he must have found because Shadow let out a soft mew, then climbed into the innkeeper's lap, circled once, and laid down, emitting a rumbling, deeply contented purr.
Shiress grinned, "Or, you could just get a cat."