[Aidara's Scrapbook] It's Real For Us

[Montaine]

Waaaaaant

[Alori Sai]

Now all you need is a matching green saber!

[Phoenix]

Uh.... He works!!!!!!

[Montaine]

I repeat my previous statement with this addendum:

Awww

[Seven Xu]

Hahahahahaha

R2 don't give a petch 'bout nothin'.

[Aidara]

Its been a while I guess I scrapbooked myself out for a bit there, since I have had no desire whatsoever to update this thing in a while. I also didn't want to fill it with bitching either, so that could also be part of my silence. For the most part, things have shifted quite dramatically these past few months, so much so that sometimes I believe that whoever is controlling the puppet strings is bipolar. One hand holds all of this awesome while the other is busy just holding my own head above water and trying to push all the drama away. I do have to say that I am happier now than I have been in a long, long, long time. I walk around singing and whistling, things I haven't done in... god, I can't even remember how long it's been. I used to sing all the time, where ever I was. In the car, in the shower, in the grocery store, even in the middle of a class once. But then... I stopped singing in the shower, I no longer hummed while doing little things. I stopped singing anywhere but in the car, where no one else could hear me unless I had the windows down and someone was unfortunate enough to have stopped next to me at a red light. I guess for any of this to make sense you have to realize that I am a completely hyper, fidgety person. I really have to be doing something, moving on some way at all times or I will go crazy. Or, more accurately, I will get really frustrated. Yes, it frustrates me to have to stop talking or be quiet, it frustrates me to have to sit still for inordinate amounts of time. My four hour english class this summer was hell because of that. Other things still suck for other reasons but I've been working really hard to not let these things bring me down. They are not worth it nor do they deserve any amount of my energy or time wasted on them, even if it's anger or a pity party. I'm over it, I can move on. Yay. As a result of this re-found "Me", I've come back out of my shell. Other "Me" is quiet and withdrawn, really only talking to a few people and preferring to keep to myself. It's nothing personal, and it's something I do without thinking. The moment I realize that I've reverted back into this turtle-like state, I do my best to step back out into the light, but it's not quite the same. Having my confidence back is good and bad at the same time. Good, if you like me because well... I never shut up, I have hardly any shame and I really enjoy making people laugh (even if it's because I'm awkward, or even if it's just me laughing). It's bad if you don't like me because then I'm annoying as all hell. This brings me to the point of why I even started writing this scrap. Ron made some videos at work. Then I made a video response to him. And then he and I talked about it and we both realized our secret desires to have had some kind of video blog all these years that the neither of us really had the balls or inspiration to do. So, we just kept making videos. I made them to talk to people in their scraps because I found it very amusing, while Ron kept making hilarious videos at work. I sang for Monte, and got requests for more. (Weirdos.) So I made more. I found them amusing as hell to make and those people I made them for seemed to enjoy them as well. Those videos are the perfect example of what I was talking about above; I don't have any shame, I know I'm awkward, but it doesn't matter. I had fun, you had fun. We all had fun and I'm happy. 'Cept then I get this really nice comment from someone who is going to remain anonymous no matter how much you ask me who it is, mostly because I don't know who it is. I'm guessing this person didn't like me because they told me that I was "annoying as fuck" and they would enjoy seeing me "get over myself" and stop "spamming everyone with videos". Not gonna lie, at first I was hurt and embarrassed and ashamed. All the self doubt that lingers right behind my newfound confidence started knocking at all the little cracks in the walls and threatening to break the door down if I didn't cooperate and open it to let them in. How could I be so stupid and put myself out there like that? Deep down I knew that it was a bad idea and that I was going to get comments like that eventually, but at the time I thought it was worth it because I was making my friends laugh, or at least smile... And then I remembered that I did it because I was making my friends laugh, or at least smile. Those doubts vanished, the hurt vanished and I magically didn't care anymore. Wow, is this really what confidence is like? I should have tried this years ago. Progress is a beautiful thing, even if you're the only one to notice it.

[Alori Sai]

Grrr! That pisses me off, whoever said that can just go petch themselves and I mean it! Jules, you are awesome beyond awesome and I always enjoy your videos and I think it takes a brave and wild person to make those because I sure couldn't heh. Just keep rocking on girl, it sounds like jealousy to me.

[Montaine]

Oh, jealousy, certainly. You know how much I like you, so I doubt I need to go all gushy and ego-boosting to you, so instead I'm going to theorise a little. You and I are very different people, and yet also very alike. You're buzzy and active and delightfully hyper, whereas I am lazy and generally immobile, but the thing is, we're both content to be that. We get upset when we act otherwise because our natural states are perkiness for you and an almost deathlike serenity for me.

But the thing is, you know those quiet, lonely, nerdy kids in school, the ones who never interacted with the popular kids and hated them? Seems to me like that was jealousy, people who weren't content to be as they were, dull people who wanted to be perky. These people are generally dickheads. They're the people complain and whinge about the popular kids because they never got to be one. They're the people who see someone happy in themselves, sharing and doing things they're too afraid to do, like putting themselves out there, and use anonymity, the precise antithesis said putting oneself out there, to attack it.

Ultimately, what I'm saying when it comes down to it, the person who insulted you really wanted to be you, but was too cowardly to do anything constructive about it. Glad you're feeling better about yourself. I never had any doubts about how awesome you are.

[Phoenix]

Reminiscence I'm proud I didn't have to look up the spelling of that word. So it has been an interesting week. Despite my happy-flappy scrap above *points* I have been super stressed and all that good stuff lately. Super excited to go home and see family in Rhode Island, though. It was a complete surprise, though I didn't think it would be by the time I got home. The only person that was supposed to know was my sister and she can't keep her mouth shut for ANYTHING. By some miracle, though, she managed it. So I surprised all my family and friends. Then, I came down with the Zombie Plague. Head congestion, cough, chest congestion, body aches, fever and this overwhelming urge to eat people. Y'know, the usual. Part of the surprise was to go to New Hampshire with my friends and surprise the ones who didn't yet know I was here by randomly showing up and then awesome ensues. But... yeah... people don't like inviting the plague along. So instead, I told them all un-dramatically by text that I was indeed home and wouldn't be joining them. They're there until Sunday night So now I just sit here alone, in my bed, with way too much on my mind. Too much has been happening and poor little Jules brain is 'bout to 'splode. Unfortunately I am fidgety and unable to really focus on anything, even TV, so this has been painful. Painful. That's about all of an update that I can manage, so long story short, a list of things Jules needs right now. Hugs Pictures of cute things Lost thing(s) Returned More hugs Videos of you making me laugh and/or lamenting my sickness with me Entertaining Stuff.

[Laszlo]