Words of the Resident LARP Goddess

[Radiant]

I can wholeheartely say, You look absolutely fabulous, Fal!

[Evalin]

Just going to leave this here... ^.^

[Fallon]

You sent me on a Within Temptation splurge and forced me to reminisce. Dammit, you can leave music here more often. o.o'

*shuffles away to continue her splurging*

[Fallon]

Time Out I suppose, this will just be one of 'those' posts. Yes, you know, the one where you constantly feel yourself writhing at your own words, that internal suffocation and pressure from that entire uncleanliness of it all. That same one where you feel yourself leaping onto the self pity wagon when really you don't want to go near the damned thing. But, I digress, I'm skirting around the point when I really need to get to it. I'm a secretive person. Or at least that is the avid belief to my parents. A bottler, a consumer, introvert and hider. I smother problems, I have an iron will not to communicate them and I try to push back as much as possible where possible - I suppose, that's where we can see some similarities between myself and my PC, par the fact she's a lot more adept at dealing with it. Again, digression. There is nothing more than a kick in the teeth when you hear it, the distinct pain, the twist and then the slump into some strange dark haze. For me, it causes thoughts to fracture and then the pieces try to line up together once more - though, this is generally what happens when people dissect me in such a fashion. Irrational, repulsive, it's almost as if the flesh is trying to separate the mind as much as possible - that all familiar tearing. So, what was different on this occasion? I'm a trier. I try hard, or as hard as possible at least, with my course - I may fail at geography and geology, but I sure as well still attempt to give it my best - with life, with living, to make people happy. So when you have them banging on that mental door, knocking, cutting and saying "You're not good enough" or "Why don't you trust us?" or even "Why must you keep everything inside?" demanding, shouting and raising of voices at 8-bloody-AM on a Sunday morning (personal taboo there, I never do anything remotely loud until after 10 AM if I can help it), cutting and forcing themselves up into that grill... is it not acceptable to be scared and frightened that someone is trying to force their way in? To me, home is somewhere were you can be yourself. You don't have to necessarily speak, or share your problems, but, it is a place where you can simply let things relax. A place, where you don't have to speak if you don't want to, and if you don't want to share then so be it. Apparently, that is not the case. I must communicate, I must share my inner most thoughts and reveal them to the world, I must find out what is going on in my own head (which I will get to later), I must ask and accept help when ever it comes from the parents, I must listen because they know best (not saying they don't, but there are some things they really do not know about), I must... you get the idea. Tiring, sore, it's an emotional strain. As for what's going on in my head? Well, now is a good time to brush up on it. Myself and my course, don't exactly get on - I'm not a smart mud crawler, and the gaps in my education in picking classes 3 or 4 years ago that would have helped show that quite clearly. Alas, I'm a chemist at heart. Which leads me nicely onto the next thing nicely on me being 'secretive'. So, two years into university, I despise the course enough that I want to leave it and go somewhere else. So, I tell my folks, have the nod of "Yes, we want you to do what will make you happy, just make sure to do your research first," a fine and dandy prospect, until they start giving you all the mixed signals of "We'd prefer it if you finished your course" or "We don't think that will make you happy," and begin the grand micro manage scheme. So, with the entire sense of being disallowed to do what would make me happy, I backed off. And then got - once more - called secretive. Fffffuuuuu?! I tried to explain to them, in as a polite (and frustrated) manner as possible that I'm an adult now, they don't need to know everything that's going on in my life, and that I'm allowed my own privacy. Their response; "Stop being selfish." I quit. Where's the door? Dear parents, if you ever find this - because I know you are forever trying to find me somewhere on the internet - I know you mean well, I know you want to care and look after you little girl, who's 21 now and now most definitely an adult. But please, kindly, back the fuck off. I need to learn on my own and you're sure as hell not helping out with the way you're behaving. But yes, that's my Sunday morning for you. Tiring strain that I really do not want to deal with. I'll be forgiven if I'm allowed to simply hide away from the world today right? Just... I don't even know what I'm doing wrong? Am I doing something wrong? I know, I'm not perfect. Gods, I know I come across as potentially moody, blunt, and perhaps a bit mean at the best of times. I know I don't take prisoners (often), and that I'm probably not even that good at a lot of things let alone intelligent. I know I'm still young - and thus have all the foolishness to come along with it. But still, what am I doing wrong? It's times like this that I end up clamming up more, a refusal to talk and to communicate. So, kudos on making me rebuke the idea of actually opening up for a change. Sod it, I'm going to bar the door and hide in duvets. It's safe and warm there. -J

[Fallon]

Scribbling I may have forgotten how much I liked drawing. So, I drew Fallon... which in some weird respects makes is sort of self portrait, but I digress. I drew Fallon how my imagination views her, not the actual base flesh or model used - after all, you can get exactly what you want when you draw. Anyway, I have done a loose sort of timeline thing as to how it went with the pencil, inked and then digital versions done in respect. I also have the tools I used and an approximate time frame that it all fell into. About: This was more for a concept and idea creating for Fallon. I often found myself struggling when trying to imagine her with her hair tied back and in a 'working' mode. So, in order to ease that one off, I created this picture and let the juices flow. There was a lot of staring at the mirror, pulling about hair and finding the look that worked. Gods I sound vain there. Tools: A sketchbook - Though, in honesty it may as well have been printing paper. 0.7 mm HB mechanical pencil (clicky clicky of doom). UniPin Fine Line, Water and Fade Proof Pigment Ink - 0.1, 0.2,0.5 and 0.8 mm Eraser/Rubber GIMP - because I don't have PS Elements 4 anymore. Camera phone - because I don't have a scanner either. Good music - I was listening to Olafur Arnalds - For Now I am Winter whilst doing this. Pencil Version : In the raw, ready to go. I quite literally stood up, went *snap* and then put it up here because people on chat wanted to see it. I did manage to take a more 'straight' version of it later on, but it's in the process of being cleaned up and de-speckled for easy viewing. Inked Version : Inking. I love inking. It's fiddly but so relaxing. You need to always remember which pens to use where though. Personally I ink things in this order: Eyes - 0.1mm Hair - 0.2mm Face - 0.2mm Clothing - 0.2mm Skin - 0.2mm Clothing/Skin edge defining - 0.5mm Hair/Skin edge defining - 0.2mm Main Outline - 0.8mm Digital : Omnom GIMP. So, it got cleaned out, heavily despeckled, neutralized and had that strange grey tone removed as seen on the inking. I then added in the base shades to give it depth and a bit more 'feel', a final clean up then, voila~. So that's it. Uh. Enjoy? -J

[Radiant]

Woah, Fally, now that is a concrete proof right there on why your artist medal is very, very, well deserved!

P.S: I'm assuming, but uhm... Is Fallon in 'wilding' mode in the art?

[Fallon]

I'm not sure... odd as that sounds. It sort of just came out that way. Possibly it's a sort of 'wilding' mode. Or at least right on the cusp of changing over from one mindset to another. She does have that "LOL! You're dead when I get my hands round your neck" look. It's either that or she's just had enough of whoever she's talking to and has fallen into a state of analytic boredom.

I don't know. I think I'll let everyone else decide what 'mindset' she's in.

[Fallon]

Proving Randomness So, Zandelia and I do this a lot. We have an over all end goal (whether or not we actually get there is another question altogether) and then have a list of likely reactions. But upon the times where we're not sure on the way we're gonna do things we roll instead. Like so in one of our latest threads that we're batting about. So, as a gist, Fallon is being a bit of a joker/prankster in this one, but it's determining what sort of niche of amusement she'll be falling into; (18:04:57) Fallon: Anyway, Right. How fallon will behave in thread, Childish 1-2, naughty 3-4 or 'naughty' 5-6. (18:05:17) ChatBot: Fallon rolls 1d6 and gets 6. (18:05:20) Fallon: ... (18:05:23) Fallon: (18:05:43) Zandelia just coughed coffee on phone. Wipes phone (18:06:02) Fallon changes thread type to 'chill' (18:06:10) Zandelia: I never learn not to drink (18:06:57) Fallon: The die has spoken! Also, for the common writer/readers/observers, you may or may not have noticed that occasionally some miraculous thread types - see, ice cream parlor, planning, chill and ribbon. I can assure you, their general believed meanings are often quite the opposite. Sort of. Moral of the story, things generally never go as planned between us.

[Markus Andres]

So the Dane and Englishwoman had another go at Civ5 the other day...

It ended rather abruptly when a cheaty AI decided to win a diplomatic victory. The proud Ethiopian empire (Kvist) was constantly at war with the neighbouring states, including the one who won a diplomatic victory.

The Proud and the Puny empire did engage in a proxy war of religion. Missionaries and great prophets converting and reconverting the citizens of the French Empire between the glorious religion of 'Destroy Fallon' and the nefarious and weak 'Bite Kvist' religion.

It was a strange war.

- So once more, the game ended inconclusive and neither of us secured victory. (Though we all can agree that I really won.)

[Markus Andres]

Here we go again...