The Song Of The Wind I

by **Kelski** on December 1st, 2018, 3:44 am

Timestamp: 72nd of Fall 518 A.V.

Kelski looked at the note curiously when she came up for air from her workshop. She’d been at it all night again, refusing to keep normal hours that would have aided her sleep pattern a great deal. But inspiration struck when inspiration struck, and she worked through a vein of it when she tapped it happily building up stock or finishing commissions. If she didn’t make it to bed, she missed sprawling alongside Kynier but sometimes he didn’t make it home either. Their work kept them busy, and she understood that.

Bathing quickly, she changed into a nightshirt with a yawn and then noticed the note left on her pillow. It wasn’t what caught her attention first though. The key had. The Kelvic tilted her head curiously, and approached, reaching out to pick up the key, running her long black-nailed fingers across its silvery length.

Secret :

What?

She opened the note and read it. Then she lifted her head and stared straight ahead waiting… she didn’t have long to wait. Crushing pain descended. She couldn’t catch her breath, then dropped her eyes to the note again, re-read it, and cried out to reflect the emotional pain mirrored inside her head.

He was gone. He had left.

She knew things had been hard. She knew they’d fought about magic. But they’d been very very good with other things. They had so much in common. They were Nightstalkers. Dreamers. They were people who planned forward. Kelski loved him. She loved him like she loved gemstones and flight. He was as heady as the wind to her.

And now he was gone? Just like that?

Kelski knew she’d been stubborn. The Sea Eagle also knew she’d refrained from telling him certain things. The act wasn’t coming from a place of subterfuge or deceit. It was simply that she’d wanted her own life too, without someone telling her what to do, how to act, or when to act. They were reasonable things any human deserved.

Why didn’t a Kelvic deserve them too? She wanted a life that wasn’t full of her having to ask permissions. Kynier claimed to be protective, to have her best interests at heart, but he’d been harsh in his treatment of her in regards to magic and that had driven a wedge between them. It was especially true when Kelski had fought him on it. And so Kelski had started refraining from sharing everything with him, despite his reassurances that she could. The memory of the Aer’wyn’s journal was never far from her mind. And the switch she’d pulled on it in anticipation of him reacting as he had – burning her own notes instead of Are’wyn’s work - was calculating and deceitful, but how had he found out? Or had he? The Kelvic swallowed hard. Was this what she deserved?

But leaving? Just like that? No goodbye other than a note? Kelski swore, a whirlwind of feelings crossing her mind... not sure which one to settle on. It was as if a storm exploded into her being the moment she read the note.

She drew in a deep ragged breath and filled her gaze with djed. Transmuting the magical energy into sight, she looked about the room trying to find his signature energy to see if he left anything or if she could read his true emotions when he left. Did someone coerce him into it? Was this his true feelings? It made no sense. She scanned the bed, his pillow, the room, and even threw open his wardrobe to look in it and see if there was any lingering aura. There wasn't.

by **Kelski** on January 4th, 2019, 5:28 pm

She didn’t know why he said the things he said in the note though. It wasn’t true. Hot wet tears splashed down her cheeks and she reached up with her free hand and touched her cheeks, surprised at the fact she was crying. Why did he always say she deserved something other than what he gave her? Why couldn’t he give her what she deserved? Was a face to face talk so hard? She wrinkled up the letter and hurled it away from her. Then she went and fetched it, read it again, as if the words would change with the abuse of the note, and seeing that they hadn’t… she stuffed it into her pocket.

She rose and paced the room, checking his wardrobe, the chest, and his desk. Nothing of his was left. All his things were gone. The room felt hollow, empty, and devoid of joy to the Kelvic, who hissed her distress and trilled like a hatchling, alternatively… her mind awhirl.

Kelski thought Kynier was a good man with a good heart, but it was something he’d never offered her despite his words. His heart had always been his own. Love was about sharing, gifting, opening one’s life to another…. and he had held so many secrets so far from her reach. He had said the words without the actions. The Kelvic sank down on the edge of her bed, arms wrapping tightly around herself, and squeezed. She sat like that forever, rocking back and forth, letting the pain wash through her.

The Sea Eagle asked herself so many things, running scenarios through her mind as to what she could have done differently. She hadn’t been enough… not for him. The words he wrote out on the parchment were things she didn’t believe. There was no deserving more. The clues in his writing shouted to her. He’d wanted more. More what? Being her mate wasn’t enough. She read those words over and over again, feeling smaller each time she read them.

The last part she read, about the secret, she only skimmed. She’d not go investigate. She’d not see what he made. Kynier had never given her a single gift during their entire relationship, even when he’d claimed being happy. She wouldn’t let him give her one now, whatever it was. And the irony of the whole thing was all she ever wanted was him. Just him. She didn’t need material things. And reading this note she realized that even when she thought he’d had him, she hadn’t. He’d wanted more. She hadn’t been enough. Gods it hurt. The pain wracked her… worse than any physical beating she’d ever taken.

The Kelvic was devastated.

She got up, djed still burning in her eyes, and went downstairs and slipped out onto the street. There was no sign of him. There was no aura, no signature of his amethyst emotions trailing off in a direction that would give her a hint of where he had gone. She looked. She looked until her eyes turned red and the blood vessels in the whites of her eyes strained against the use of djed. But she could see nothing, even with her amazing eagle sight.

Nothing.

There was nothing left to do than to go back upstairs. And so she went, quietly, trying not to wake any of the denizens of The Midnight Gem until she entered that room again - the room that used to be theirs - and looked around at its emptiness.

She sat and let herself cry for a long time, the pain washing over her in waves. She felt like every part of her inside was breaking. She hadn’t been enough. She hadn’t done enough. He wanted more. He’d wanted more than her. His writing manifested as his voice in her head. "I wanted more." Her own arms snaked around herself, holding her torso, as if keeping her insides from spilling out, comforting her, because there was no one else to do it. Ebon was out. Little Rhaus was giving a music lesson to Lia. And Ember was puttering in the kitchen. She didn’t want the girl to see her weakness and pain anyhow.

She had no mate. She had no love. She had no warm arms to hold her at night. She hadn’t been enough. She hadn’t done enough. He wanted more. It was like an evil siren song in her head someone was singing over and over. He thought she wanted more. She had. She’d wanted him… all of him. The words he’d written rolled over and over in her mind, cutting like razors, shredding any bit of confidence she’d managed to gain since she’d gained her freedom. He had nothing to give her, not even himself. The Kelvic kept crying. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to stop. And even when The Gem connected through the link hard, locking its love around her, it wasn’t enough to stop the pain inside. The Architextrix mage gently pushed it away, feeling undeserving of it, apologetic but firm. Kelski felt so small, so unable to be loved.

The Sea Eagle didn’t notice when she’d fell sideways, still crying, collapsing on the bed, curling up around herself. She reached for Kynier’s pillow since it was coated with his scent, and even that couldn’t comfort her.

She awoke bells later, a soft cold foot pawing at her. Kelski opened her tear crusted eyes and blinked to focus on the Brat leaning over her. Snowflake perched on her bed beside her, dog-like, tail lashing in pleasure at having found her. The Kelvic lifted up her head, her hair a mess of knots and rubbed her face.

“Snowflake…. What are you doing here?” The Brat squeaked, and pawed at her neck, which held a message cylinder. Kelski reached out, gently puled the note from the collar, and read its contents. It was an invite, from Gilthas… to join him for the day.

Kelski stared at the note, not feeling like it. Not wanting it. But there was a tone to it, a feeling, and she nodded finally. Climbing out of the bed, she went to bathe, dress, and meet the mage. He wouldn’t know her tears or understand her pain, but at least maybe there she could pretend things were okay.

by **Kelski** on January 4th, 2019, 5:29 pm

“You look like Brat Shit… worse, Brat Shit that has been laying in the street trod upon in the steaming miserable Sunberthian Sun.” Gilthas said, the minute he laid eyes on her.

Kelski only nodded, no will left to cry and after the hike to Gilthas’ workshop, less energy for it. “It’s been a rough day.” She said softly, not wanting to get into it with the mage. She should have known that he wouldn’t let it go.

“Explain… Kelski. I brought you here for a specific reason, but you are really in no shape for it.” He admitted, running a hand frustrated through his hair. He watched her warily, like a man staring at a ghost and not sure what to do about it.

Kelski dug her hand into her pocket, pulled forth the note, and handed it to Gilthas. He frowned, took it, then smoothed it out from its wadded up state, and began to read. She watched him as he did, noting that he read it twice, thought about it, and then carefully folded it back up. He turned, walked over to a lamp that was burning bright by his desk, and lit the note on fire. Then he tossed it into the hearth, letting the flames there dissolve it.

“He left that, took his things, and he is gone. I love him Gilthas, so much, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. I don’t know whats wrong with me.” She said softly, beginning to shake again, fresh tears spilling out of her eyes.

The mage moved forward and took her hand. He shook his head, and in a voice pitched to reassure, said “You are so smart, so driven… how could he not love you? You remind me so much of Zakara. I wish I could make you understand that someday someone will pick you, Kelski. This man just wasn’t the one. You deserve someone who will give you a hundred percent back for the one hundred percent you give them, not fifty or ten or whatever this guy was giving you Kelski. One day you will find someone who will choose you and continue to choose you every day. And that’s when you will be thankful everything happened as it did.” He said softly, still drawing her to him and backwards. He sat down on the couch he had before the hearth, scooting back up into the corner, then drew her down, with her back against his chest, acting as a back rest for her. He wrapped his hand around her waist, holding him to her and then lifted a hand up to her forehead. “Do you trust me, Kelski? I would help you with this….” The Kelvic made a soft sound of pain.

“I just want to stop the hurt… how come it feels like this?” She said, fresh tears falling.

Gilthas made a noise of pain in the back of his throat as well. He gently cupped her forehead from behind and brought his hand down over her face, closing her eyes. “Sleep Kelski….” He urged. “You are exhausted. And I can help you…. but only if you sleep.” His voice was compelling and she wanted to trust him. But she knew she was too trusting. She’d been too trusting of Kynier, and in the end he’d walked away. She’d never have walked away from him, not like that, not with a note. She trembled against Gilthas, shuddering, but he made a soothing noise and stroked her stomach. His soft voice once more urging her to sleep.

And then, extraordinarily, she did. Leaning up against his warmth, she let herself give into the emotional exhaustion and slipped into Nysel’s realm.

by **Kelski** on January 4th, 2019, 5:33 pm

Gilthas was there, waiting, and he stepped sideways with her still hand in hand. Kelski wasn’t sure what happened. One minute she was in the black oblivion of unconscious exhausted slumber, and the next moment she was floating in a sea of …. words could not describe where they were.

“You need a teacher, Kelski. For all that you are brave and strong, you need guidance. And for someone to be able to teach you without distraction, you’ll need this… a form of healing. But you’ll need to choose it for yourself. I am not the selfish bastard I once was. I won’t do it without your complete understanding and acceptance.” He said, gesturing all around them.

It was like hovering in the night sky. A thousand stars filled the sky, only the gleam of the stars weren’t from Zintila’s light. Instead, the gleaming was from silver cords that passed everywhere. “This is the Chavena.” Gilthas said softly, gesturing around him… his form ghostly, transparent, and slightly effervescent. There is the realm of the Gods and there is the realm of Mortals. And between them are the Chavena. It is where your chavi exist. Each of us has one… a silver cord of memory that stretches from the moment we come into existence through every lifetime after, laying down our memories, our feelings, our hopes. This one is yours….” He said, reaching out and stroking the nearest Chavi.

It ran parallel to a second one, slightly entangled in it for a while. Kelski immediately and instinctively knew that was Gilthas’ cord. Another tangled with hers further back and abruptly set off at an angle away from hers. Kyniers. She saw it as clearly as if someone had labeled the strands with their names.

“Can you see the future here?” She asked, glancing at the ghostly form next to her.

“No, only what has happened. But I am Nysel Marked. I can alter what has happened… in your mind. In your memories. Come….” He seemed to redouble his grip on her and they seemed to slip into the chavi, immersing with it.

Only it wasn’t her Chavi… it was Kynier's. Gilthas took her back, several days into his past, and they watched as Kynier patiently instructed a Svefra Kelski was familiar with in magic. He gave her no restrictions, only sat and explained things to the woman carefully, helping her, engaging, and not at all stern. There were a few warnings, but nothing like Kelski had received. Gilthas started to take her further back into Kynier’s recent past, but Kelski locked heels.

Rage filled her.

She could see clearly that it wasn't coercion. Kelski could see through Gilthas' actions that Kynier did what he did on his own and not because someone made him or because he was protecting her. He'd simply moved on. He'd probably found a woman he could control, mold, guide, that wasn't nearly as headstrong as the Kelvic woman was. She'd simply been replaced. He had students now. He had more of a purpose than just being her mate. It left a bitter taste in her mouth. But she looked anyhow, the investigation needed for her to be able to stop hurting... to be able to process what had happened. And it didn't take magic to see clearly what had happened. It just took logic.

“No.. I don’t need to see any more. I see the difference. I see how he treated her and how it was different than he treated me. She’s human. I’m Kelvic. I was not enough. I already know this. Seeing more won’t clarify this, but will only bring more pain.” She added.

Gilthas turned away, sliding her back into her Chavi and together they traveled back through her memories. They moved back even further, to a time Kelski was still a slave.

“The beauty of being a Dreamwalker is that I can change your reality. I won’t change his. He doesn’t deserve it. There’s no need. He walked away. He’ll remember everything. But in this… this… I can do you a favor. And for you, I will.” He said, reaching down and plucking at the memory of Kelski meeting Kynier. She stood by him silently as the mage worked… no not a mage in this… but a powerful Dreamwalker.

He teased the memory from Kelski’s chavi… not stealing it exactly, but dulling it. Kelski watched as he blurred Kynier’s features, stole the memory of his name, and took all the excitement out of the meeting for the Kelvic. Gilthas manipulated the memory until it was nothing more than a vague recollection. Kelski felt a vital piece of her past slip away, but with it so did a chunk of the pain. She opened her mouth to breath deeply, but there was no air where they were.

“How?” She managed to gasp, uncertain and surprised.

by **Kelski** on January 4th, 2019, 5:34 pm

“I can dull his features, pull out the emotional connection on your end, make you remember only a vague someone you were involved with once, a while ago and it won’t bother you. You won’t remember. But better still, there will be no hole in your heart, no gap in your memory because he will still be there, but just not important. Us Dreamwalkers are rat bastards because we can make history what we want it to be. Give me ten chimes here, Kelski, and it will be as if he were never anything in your life. I can remove the pain and leave you open to love again, somewhere else, someone else, and if I do this you promise me you won’t settle. You will wait for someone who wants to give you everything… themselves… the moon, the sun, the stars. Someone who won’t love you part time and craft the relationship you deserve.” He said softly, wishing in ages past, someone could have done this for Zakara.

The Kelvic froze, even in her ethereal form. She didn’t let herself overthink it. She didn’t let herself cling to someone who refused to love her; someone who refused to let her be enough.

“Yes.” She said softly.

Gilthas swung into action. From the point they met to the point he wrote the letter and left it for Kelski to find, he walked every inch of Kelski’s Chavi… almost a years worth… and teased apart memories, altering them, dulling them, making them vague and roughly nothing more than a nameless faceless acquaintance who mattered little to her and who in the end had no time for her. And she moved with him, watching him alter her life, her history, her whole existence as the pain slipped away until there was no heart to shatter because it was still her own, not given, not torn into nothing.

She should have been sad, but instead she was relieved. And that relief tasted a bit bitter. And when he was done, and there was nothing of importance in the letter, and as he stepped sideways pulling her out of the Chavi - Gilthas stole Kelski's knowledge of the Dreamwalk. Kelski awoke in Gilthas’ arms, quiet, calm... utterly soothed. She turned to him, blinking, and scrambled to her feet apologetic. “I must have drifted off.” She explained.

The mage only smiled, shrugged, and said… “I didn’t mind. I felt like you … needed it.” He said carefully. Yawning, she stretched, nodded, and realized suddenly she felt fantastic. Somehow that also felt wrong, but she didn’t question it.

Gilthas rose, moved about the room, his form in much better shape than it had been when she’d first met him. He was filled out again, not emaciated, and ruggedly handsome as all Eth seemed to be. There was a twinkle in his eye as well.

He pulled something off a shelf and handed it to her. It was a robe made of gossamer silk that almost floated where it lay folded in her arms. She glanced down at it, then up at him, and her face filled with questions. “What is this?”

by **Kelski** on January 4th, 2019, 5:43 pm

He laughed. “It’s your initiation robe. My bathing chamber is through that arch. Go take a bath.. I have things ready for you in there. Meditate in the bath, visualize everything unclean falling off you, washing away, from inside and outside… dress in that robe, and lets initiate you into Reimancy… shall we? Meet me in my Master’s Circle.” He said, gesturing off to the left through another archway.

“Its past time we made you a proper mage. You have that lumbering building following you around like a puppy, and you know smatterings of auristics and morphing. But this…. this is the real thing. It’s been a long time – long past due – that I’ve had a proper student. And you deserve a real teacher, Kelski. Someone who’s willing to invest in your future, for the sake of the magic.” He said gently. “Djed calls to djed. It wants to survive and reproduce like anything else living. Mine says its time for a student or two. I pick you.. if you’ll have me.” He said with a gentle smile.

She grinned then, the excitement of doing something new… something that she’d always wanted to do … and nodded. Clutching the robe to her, she hurried off in the direction of the bathing chamber. She would not keep her chosen Master waiting.

He wanted her.

He chose her from everyone he could have picked...

For some unknown reason, that sent warmth, reassurance, and deep deep pleasure coursing through her. It was as if she’d never been chosen before… like she hadn’t been enough. She didn’t understand the feeling, but she was more than willing to be enough here, to be picked and needed. It watered something wilted and dried to a husk in her soul.

Continued in: The Song Of The Wind II

by **Kelski** on February 12th, 2019, 11:00 pm

G R A D E S

Kelski

Auristics +2, Investigation +3, Logic +2, Arcanology +1

Kynier: Left With A Simple Note, Gilthas: Summons Her Sending Snowflake, Gilthas: A Dreamwalker, Dreamwalking: What Nysel’s Gnosis is, Kynier: Left Of His Own Free Will, Kynier: Took On Students He Treated Far Better Than He’d Treated Her, Kynier: Wanted More, Dreamwalking: Does Not Show The Future, Just The Past As If You Are Living It, Dreamwalkers: Can Change Your Past, Kelski: Willingly Forgot The Sharp Acute Details Of Kynier, Gilthas: Took The Memory Of The Dreamwalk That Removed Kynier From Her Mind, Gilthas: Agreed To Be Her Mentor, Kelski: Agreed To Be His Student, Arcanology: Djed Calls To Djed

Acquisition: Gossamer Initiation Robe

Solo The Song Of The Wind I