[Seven's Scrapbook] Writer's Block

[Kendall Saarinen]

Here is my take on it (sorry if it gets a little "wah wah, my life". I'm not trying to make it that way, haha). It's going to get a bit personal but hey, few (as my aunt says) "come to Jesus" stories aren't. Faith for me was pretty stable until my parents got divorced. My dad agreed to raise my brother and me Jewish when I was born and all was fine and dandy. Once my parents got divorced and my dad remarried a super "OMG JESUS" kind of lady I was forced to start going to church which made me resent the whole practice of Christianity a bit. This is in no way me saying I dislike Christians. Not at all. Thinking about it from a five year old's perspective, it makes a bit of sense though. My whole life I grew up going to synagogue, celebrating Jewish holidays, and following Jewish customs and then this lady shows up and suddenly I am forced to go and completely accept Christianity? What made it worse was that the church where my dad and his wife took my brother and me did not have the nicest things to say about Jewish people. My dad's wife pretty much shoved Catholicism (not just Christianity) down my throat even though I told her I had no interest in her religion, I was content with my own. To this, she told me I pretty much had no idea what I was talking about because I only knew Judaism and I did not know enough about Catholicism to make an informed choice. Needless to say, I rebelled and embarrassed them at church one too many times and was no longer forced to continue going. Throughout my parent's divorce and later on, through their custody battle of my brother and me I often wondered why God would put me through something as terrible as I was going through. I am not a super religious person but I do remember praying that God would take me back to my mom because I disliked being with my dad so much. Once my dad got custody of me, I know my mother and I lost a lot of faith. My dad's wife is seriously the woman from hell. I'm not exaggerating. The forced Catholicism was just the tip of the iceberg with her. She constantly told me I was not good at anything and when I grew up I would never have a job, I would never get into college, I'd never have friends, and I'd never have relationships because I was "lazy, rude, and manipulative". She told everyone this, even my brother. She made people stop being friends with me and even got a good majority of my dad's family to think I was lazy, rude, and manipulative. My cousin who had been like a sister and best friend to me growing up started to look down on me because my dad's wife told her to. I could go on and on about her but that is not what this is about. The whole time I had to live with her all I could think of was "what did I do to deserve this?". No one would help me make things better or get out of that house. People talk about angels and workers of God who help people out of horrible situations but no one was coming to help or save me. I begged people to help me but no one wanted to get involved because they were scared my dad would sue them. My mom told me that for a while, she stopped believing in God. She could not believe there would be a higher being who would allow something as horrible as this to happen. The thought came to me that maybe there was not a God but I think I was too scared not to believe in fear that if I was wrong, things would get worse. I'm still not very religious. The crap that happened with my dad and his wife only weakened it I think. I think that in the end it did strengthen my mom's faith though. The horrible things that happened drove her to go to synagogue more because it made her feel safe. I can see why. Jewish people are very welcoming and warm. We want people to feel like they can find home and solace in us. I believe this is because as a religion, we have been through a lot and the only constant we had was each other. Jews wandered the desert for forty years in search of a homeland and even now that we have one, people keep trying to snatch it from us. While not all jewish people are warm and snuggly, a lot are and I know that is why my mom held tight to her religion when things got bad. I was not the same though. I kept trying to find this unbelievably strong connection to my religion like my mom and her mom did. They both cry when we go to religious services because they are so moved and when I go I seriously feel nothing. I am proud to be Jewish of course. I just do not have a passion about it. It might just be because I am young but I have not felt passion for religion since my dad's wife forced her's on me. That's pretty much it for my side of the story. Sorry it is was a little sobby, I promise I didn't cry writing it (I'm actually in class right now, haha). I've been home since September and while I am happy to be home, I really don't see myself going to synagogue every Friday night (or Saturday morning) because of it. I hope this helped. That way I'll feel better about rambling on, haha.

[Bolden Denusk]

Aaaw hon *hugs n noms*
Faith is never an easy subject but a friend of mine gave me an awesome quote when I asked about her religion, "Faith is very personal, so it's between me and God alone."
When something like a tradition or religion brings you comfort, peace and solace, it's a wonderful thing. You have such a kind heart and fun, open mind that your scraps are great to read. There are no magic words to make negative situations or feelings just 'go away,' but sometimes just knowing someone's listening is a small comfort. You're never truly alone hon.

[Seven Xu]

Cheshie you're so much of adorable.

Thank you for sharing your story. A family breaking up is never easy, and to have your faith put into question on top of it would be icing on the crap cake. You're stronger for it!

[Laszlo]

The only time where faith has ever really been important for me as something to rely on, instead of something that's just at the back of my mind, is when dealing with death and loss. When someone is gone, they're gone, and that is REALLY hard to register when you've known them for so long and you just expected that they'd always be there.

Being more atheist and scientific NOW, I understand that death is just that you simply stop, everything that is you ceases, dies, and is gone forever. And as a scientist, I can make peace with that, that your body decays and that's the end of everything you ever were (aside from the way you affected the world [which is really important but not the point of this blurb]).

As a human being with this sense that we call spirituality--which scientifically, again, is just a cocktail of hormones manufactured to make you respond a certain way as an evolutionary advantage to encourage community and bonding--I can't abide that something is so final, so irreversible, and now only exists in my memories. Emotions are not logical, and the cold scientific truth of death comes as no consolation. You want everything to be okay, you want to believe that the person isn't really gone.

It makes you feel... SO much better to believe that the person who died still lives on in another way you can't perceive (heaven, hopefully!) and that you don't have to be sad, that they're happy now. And getting together with friends and family to pray gives you such a sense of overwhelming relief that it actually makes the pain like a thousand time easier to bear than if you tried getting over it alone.

Even if I believe in what I perceive as the "truth" now, I still understand what comfort faith brings.

So that's what religion can give you, a sense that there is something greater, that there is a plan to everything, that you aren't alone, and that a god will be there for you to listen and accept you no matter what you've done or who you are. I doubt Seven will be able to find that sense of community, but he can still talk to his god like he's there, to buckle down and surrender, and just admit that he can't do this anymore on his own. It may comfort him to believe that someone is watching out for him and wanting him to follow a certain moral path.

[Seven Xu]

That's certainly a logical take at it, and one Seven would be able to relate to. Thank you, Laszlo!

This is why I'm home from work early today. *hides in bed*

Aye, I did change the name of my scrapbook and it is as lame as you think it is. I post with Seven in it more, anyway.

[Seven Xu]

When you can't write, scribble in photoshop

[Seven Xu]

Things that bug me

*throws coherency out the window*

Mizahar is a writer's RPG. Writer's. RPG.

I've encountered many within the past month or two with delusions that Mizahar is an MMO, where the goal is to grind as much experience as possible, whine when you don't get 5/5 in some boring and halfassed training thread, and blather on in chat for hours about how uber leet hax your PC's reimancy or whatever-the-hell-magic you're flaunting in the streets is.

It's about the journey, people. Make something interesting of your character. Oh, but for the love of God please fret over being a bloody special snowflake. Sure, every snowflake is unique, but when they all pile up it's one bland sheet of white we're all looking at.

[Ronan]

Having just been in chat - I totally agree. People are intent on grinding xp - but for what? It's totally the wrong way to approach Miza...

[Bolden Denusk]

*Applauds* Damn well said!

[Seven Xu]

Brrrr.

Winter Thread Goals

> Become fluent in Symenos
> Religious shenanigans; devotion is an act!
> Obtain 2 remaining common Astral Coordinates
> Summoning fun time with Ms Timandre

Winter Skill Goals

> Rhetoric [Expert] 4pts to go
> Persuasion [Competent] 18pts to go
> Shielding [Competent] 11pts to go
> Astronomy [Competent] 22pts to go
> Summoning [Novice] 1pt to go

PAY ATTENTION TO LYSANDER