[Kova's Well] No Apparition [Kendall]

by **Hadrian** on March 7th, 2011, 4:47 am

Hadrian considered all this, then shrugged again. He had not been particularly popular in Zeltiva, at least among the other students. Many were jealous of the ease with which he seemed to take to things, though they apparently chose to ignore how he spent the majority of his time in study. Many others were just put off by his lack of social skills. He could be polite and kind, but he was rarely comfortable around other people unless he knew them quite well or they were discussing some purely academic topic.

"I recall your beauty, but not your personality. I had seen you but never met you. I doubt there was a dearth in interest, but merely that I was... not someone you would have befriended. I studied magic and other cultures. I would have had to try to be more strange than I already was..." His smile was self-deprecating. "And I suppose you didn't like pale and gawky young men."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on March 8th, 2011, 3:18 am

It saddened Kendall to see how Hadrian put himself down. He may have been doing it to make a joke or to get the attention off of himself but it struck a chord with Kendall. He could not understand why Hadrian was to down on himself. Clearly it would not do anything to make matters better, not that they were bad in the first place. Kendall might not have been the most confident male but he recalled the feelings of confidence from back when he was female. At times it did not matter if he looked terrible or answered a question foolishly. It was the pride, or at least the pretense of it that made him keep his head up. He could understand the feelings of subconsciously putting himself down or even doing it to make it into a joke. He could not help but wonder why Hadrian did it though. He was intelligent and even if he did not want to admit it, he was not as bad looking as he seemed to think he was.

Kendall thought back to the days at the university. He had seen Hadrian from time to time studying. He had not thought much of him back then. Kay'lan was his first priority at the time and most of his thoughts were on him or on his studies. He did recall being curious about Hadrian though. A man who was so quiet and studious had to be a bit interesting, at least he had thought that. He smiled slightly at Hadrian, a little more feminine than he would have liked. ”Sometimes strange is better. I lived twenty years of my life being straight as a line normal, too scared to try and act out a bit. Although I do not like my situation, it feels good not to worry about being normal all the time.” Normalcy was long gone by now in Kendall’s life. It had been an interesting few seasons though. He could not lie about that. ”You truly never know what people will like or be like though. Maybe I found intelligence more attractive than looks. Not all pretty girls are just in it for the gorgeous men and not all girls find the same types of men attractive. The Inarta are pale and yet they all seem to get together just fine. I know it is a silly example but it is true, in a way at least.” Kendall bit his lip as he thought about what Hadrian had said. ”It is all in the past though. It’s silly to try and change it. The future seems more worthy of our efforts. It has more possibilities.”

by **Hadrian** on March 9th, 2011, 12:17 am

"Well, I will take your word on all that," he said, dismissing the past as well. "The future is ultimately more interesting, and if you decide you do want to follow the dictates of your flesh, you will have an advantage over all men in knowing intimately how women think." His grin was still a little awkward, but that was Hadrian and it would take time to reconcile his memory of the pretty Zeltivan girl from the past and her current, and very different, form.

A thought struck him then, and he looked speculatively at his new... friend, was it? He was not used to having friends, but perhaps acquaintances was a better word for Kendall and Cathan. He wasn't sure he had friends. Even Vizyous followed him to Syliras because of a blood-bond, not a bond of friendship despite what they had been through together in Alvadas.

"I... don't want to get your hopes up, but... have you considered learning to magically alter your flesh? Most people call it Morphing anymore... I can do a bit of it, and I could teach you the basics. If you became a master, you could eventually mold your body back into the one into which you were born. I imagine it would take years and years to get to that level of mastery, but..." He shrugged, eyes intent on Kendall's as if to gauge his response. He found those mis-matched eyes oddly beautiful, and that made him a trifle uncomfortable, though truth be told, he was always a bit uncomfortable with people.

Though normally he was the one to win any staring contest, he looked away.

"I mean, well, I could teach you if you wanted. It seems that most of it is picked up from observation of forms, models, and practice."

Rather than continue speaking, because he was decidedly uncomfortable now, he looked down at his hands with his eyes and his Auristic vision, which took no effort to engage anymore, and only tired him after long, intense use. Fluxing djed into his hands, he remembered what Vizyous' Symenestra hands looked like, what they had felt like, and even the smell of the man, the sounds he made, focusing on the memory, the djed, and his hands as they gradually elongated, grew paler yet stronger, and his fingernails hardened and grew into claws.

It took him a little while to manage it, then look them over to be sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Only then, after a quality check, did he spread them for Kendall's viewing... pleasure? It was only then that he remembered that such a display might disgust him.

"Obviously this is in the wrong direction aesthetically," he said, vacillating, "but I think the utility is obvious, no?"

by **Kendall Saarinen** on March 10th, 2011, 2:47 am

It was a strange thought. Kendall had flirted with a woman once since his accident but that was only to save his life. Nadala had been a strange woman. She can threatened his life and he still was disgusted about how he flirted his way out of her feline grasp. He was not sure if she would be the last woman he would flirt with. He could not deny the small attraction he had for her at the time.

Hadrian's words surprised Kendall. There was a way to get back to normal? It seemed almost too good to be true. He could not help but feel a spark of excitement. "That… That is amazing. I cannot even believe that. I had thought I would have to find the person who has my body to get back to normal but I suppose morphing would be a good second option." The thought of being back to normal seemed to tug at his mind. He would be able to look in the mirror and see who he truly was. He would see his long brown hair and feminine face again. He could once again wear the long, flowy dresses that he had loved. Hadrian's words echoed in his mind though. "I... don't want to get your hopes up…" There was a chance it could not work. "I think I would like to learn. I am a little scared though." He was a little scared of the thoughts of changing himself. He was not completely used to this new body but he could live with it. He had been learning the flow and harmony of being who he was now. He knew that with morphing he could turn back but the thought still irked him. The way he was changed was forceful and it still haunted him.

Kendall bit his lip and looked down. He wanted to take the chance but something in him kept him from accepting Hadrian's offer. He kept thinking back to that night. As Hadrian's hand started to change Kendall's eyes watched it with silent wonder. He was not sure what he was feeling. In a way he was amazed and in a way it scared him. He wanted to look away but he could not offend his new friend. "Think about it openly. This can help." Kendall nodded as he looked at Hadrian's now clawed hand. "It is very interesting. I want to learn, I am just a little hesitant. I mean, I am still getting used to this body and I would be changing it. I've heard people get stuck in their morphs occasionally. Is that true?" The thoughts of being normal again and the fear of change were waging a war in his mind.

"Yeah, I'll try it." It was a bit of a surprise to Kendall that he even agreed. If there was a chance he could get back to normal he would have to give it a chance though.

by **Hadrian** on March 10th, 2011, 5:15 am

Hadrian was quiet while Kendall vacillated, but it seemed that the Symenestra claws did the trick. He smiled a little awkwardly. There was a streak in him that was happy to help another person despite how strange he seemed to be in the eyes of others, but it took a body-swapping to get a girl as pretty as Kendall had been to hug him. Strange, that. Perhaps the gods had a sense of humor as Hadrian suspected. He scratched his head delicately with one of his morphed claws, then smiled and let his hands quickly revert to his own, mundane hands before Kendall's eyes. When they were back to normal, they were still fair, but not nearly so pale as a Syemenestra's. His fingers were long and tapering. Agile. Dextrous.

They reached out to brush blond hair out of mismatched eyes, but he could remember the long brown hair and the way her eyes had been, though he couldn't recall them ever looking at him.

"It's good to have options," he said quietly. Looking thoughtfully at Kendall, he grew pensive, then attempted what he was going to teach. Though staring at Kendall, he was remembering the original Kendall, and his chlorine blue eyes began to turn green until they would be quite familiar to Kendall. But that could have been the light. Then his hair began to lighten, its weight and texture changing, and grow... It grew, spilling slowly down past his shoulders.

He bit his lip and Fluxed djed into his skin, into the bones of his face, bending himself until he should look like that memory, imprinting it upon his flesh, though it was imperfect. Still, it was the closest thing to seeing his old self in the mirror that Kendall was likely to have seen in a while.

Testing his meager abilities a bit farther despite the sudden ache between his eyebrows, he poured djed into his throat, remembering her voice. He did, after all, have a good memory.

Where a regular mimic might have spoken merely at a higher pitch, the timbre of his voice changed too. It wasn't Kendall's old voice, but it was recognizably closer to than than to his own when he said: "Options. And I'm not even very good at this."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on March 10th, 2011, 3:15 pm

As Hadrian’s fingers bushed against Kendall’s cheek he looked at him. He was not sure what to do except look into those beautiful blue eyes. He was glad Hadrian’s hands had reverted back to normal. He much preferred his hands in their fair human state. Although he had tried to put up a front that he was okay with Hadrian’s hands taking on a different form he was happy to see them go back to normal. Something else was changing in Hadrian though. His eyes were taking on a green color as the blue seemed to wash away. Many changes took place at one time. His hair was growing longer and wavy. Kendall looked at him quizzically. He was starting to look familiar, a little too familiar. It was Kendall, only it wasn’t. Granted, the morph was not perfect. He had to hand it to Hadrian though. He was doing quite well for not seeing Kendall’s real self in the Gods knew how long. Maybe that change was exact. The mental image of what he used to look like was already starting to fade from his mind a bit. In its place, a feminine looking blonde man with mismatched eyes was taking its place.

When Hadrian opened his mouth to speak a chill ran down Kendall’s spine. It was his voice, although with a small hint of Hadrian’s own. It was not a simple trick of the voice. That could not be so close. Hadrian had worked his magic all the way down to his voice. It was chilling seeing himself standing in front of him after so long. It was not exact but it was strikingly close. He couldn’t find his voice. He didn’t want to speak in front of Hadrian. He felt like a total stranger looking at himself. He did not want to speak in this new voice of his when he was looking at who he was supposed to be. Hadrian would be waiting for an answer though. He tried to find the words to say but nothing seemed to form into a coherent sentence. ”It’s good. Eerily good in fact.” He spoke with an awkward smile. ”You did a great job. Thank you. It is good to see myself again.”

Kendall looked over Hadrian with lost eyes. He was sure he would need a lot of practice to be able to do what Hadrian had done. ”Don’t worry. You did very well in my opinion. Well, you did better than I could at least.” He shrugged with a small smile. He didn’t like to see Hadrian talk down of himself but he could not do much more than say positive words. Self-esteem was best left to the self, no others. Never in all the years of seeing Hadrian studying alone at the University did he think the quiet man was so harsh on himself. He had always been under the impression he was a bit proud due to the fact he did not keep the company of others. Living with his brothers should have proven to Kendall undoubtedly that even the unskilled could be cocky. Hadrian seemed quite intelligent though. It was a shame that self confidence was wasted on slackers like his brother and not given to those who really had a reason to be proud.

by **Hadrian** on March 12th, 2011, 7:45 am

He should have thought that such a display might do more harm than good to Kendall's emotional equilibrium. But when he got to the point where he couldn't remember the details any better and his energy was waning from attempting such fine work with little actual skill, he let go and let his flesh and bone and hair and eyes quickly slip back to normal. Perhaps one day he would fashion a new self, one stronger and more attractive to women. Or perhaps he would remain in his vaguely awkward body, letting it push people away so he could focus on his work.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I just... wanted you to see the possibilities. The options." He was repeating himself. "So you might not be quite happy now, but you have things you can work toward... Morphing yourself back to yourself, finding whoever did this to you and switching back to your proper body. Or perhaps you will find yourself at home as you are now... Perhaps the gods have a reason for all of this."

He hated when people used that, but at the same time he could not deny it. The gods did take a part in the lives of men and women, and they were wise, saw more than mere mortals, and so it was difficult to say that certain things should not have happened. Setbacks could be just the adversity someone needed to accomplish more than they would have on their own. But he kept the rest of his philosophy to himself.

"Would you like me to leave you to your thoughts?" he asked.

by **Kendall Saarinen** on March 12th, 2011, 10:29 pm

Kendall's almost mirror image began to fade and within moments his view of who he truly was inside was replaced by Hadrian. Kendall's feelings were split as he looked at Hadrian. In a way he wanted him to stay in his morphed form showing him an almost perfect copy of himself. On the other hand, he much prefered how Hadrian looked normally, not to mention the fact it was strange to see a man who you were formerly flirting with morph into yourself. "You don't have to appolgize. I'm glad you showed me. It gives me a bit of hope even if it is not guarunteed." In reality, Kendall was just happy to have been given the chance to meet Hadrian. He had pushed Kendall's limits to the point of tears but someone had to.

The topic of Gods was an interesting one. Kendall had caught the attention of one of them. Ivak was not one of the better liked Gods but Kendall was glad the fiery God had turned his attention onto him. There was a moment where Kendall wondered about his situation. Had Ivak intervined and somewhat caused his accident to recruit him into his Azenth? Had He forseen Kendall's downfall? Kendall tried to push the thought from his mind. Ivak wouldn't do that. What was so special about him that Ivak would put him through so much pain just to mark him? If it was the work of the Gods it must have been a different diety. Maybe Lhex, he was the God of fate after all. Possibly Leth, he was the God of change. The thought of Gods just made Kendall's mind feel like it was spinning. He did not feel as though there was some bigger plan for him in this male form. It could have just been a simple game played by the Gods. If that was the case, they were truly into cruel games.

"Yes, for a minute if you don't mind." Kendall was still trying to take everything in. The talk of Gods and magic was interesting and quite informitive but it also a little unnerving. "Ivak, protect me." He hoped his prayer would help to even out his growing panic. He was greatful for the flames around his wrist. They kept his emotions in check. Without it he was sure he would be a complete and total mess. Really all he wanted to know was why he had been forced to live like this. Why him and not some other girl walking down the street? He worried about his body. It was somewhere out there being worn like a glove by some Animator's apprentice. What could he being doing to his body? This body craved alcohol, and a lot of it. If the past tenant treated his body so badly who knew what he was doing to Kendalls? "This is all just very... different. It's a lot to take in. It would be nice to learn a bit of morphing and auristics. I do not want to take up to much of your time or your energies to teach me though." He was sure a change like Hadrian had done would have taken a good amount of Djed.

by **Hadrian** on March 12th, 2011, 10:57 pm

Hadrian nodded, glad that he hadn't done Kendall any harm with his attempts to help. Sometimes, Caelum had always told him -- usually after a lot to drink -- the cure was worse than the disease. His face still felt a little funny, tingling and too stretchy, but he knew from experience that it would all return to normal. Something peeked out from under Kendall's sleeve, but he couldn't quite see it. On the Auristic spectrum, it looked like a power glyph, but not one he could recognize. Perhaps something linked to his pyromancy, for there was certainly a sort of heat emanating from it. Cathan had talked about Kendall's ability to create fire, after all.

He nodded again when Kendall indicated he needed some time to himself.

"Well, I don't know when you are planning to leave Syliras, but I will teach you as much about Morphing and Auristics as I can before you go. I'll just..." He glanced away, indicating. "I'll just be over there. You can come talk to me if you feel like it, or if you go away... whatever. I'll see you when I see you then. You can ask Cathan where to find me."

With that, he moved away, not so far that Kendall couldn't see him, but far enough away. He sat on a rock, resting his elbows on his knees and sort of stared at the well, though his thoughts seemed troubled and turned inward. Hadrian was moody as the sea, and perhaps that was why his powers of reimancy had fallen under the realm of Laviku and Makutsi rather than Ivak.

He glanced up at one point to find Kendall looking at him and he smiled rather like the new boy in class when someone actually paid attention to him that didn't involve food in his face or unkind words in his ear.

by **Kendall Saarinen** on March 13th, 2011, 9:07 am

Kendall gave Hadrian a small smile and murmured a thanks as he walked away. He watched as Hadrian walked to a stone a bit of the way from Kova's Well. He felt a bit exposed now standing there alone. He walked to the edge of Kova's Well and looked down into the waters. "Now it's just you and me Kova." Kendall's eyes looked over to Hadrian to see if he was looking over at him and then he pulled up his sleeve showing his fiery mark to the well. "I wish I knew what was happening. Everything feels like it is rushing around me." He felt comfortable talking to Kova's Well. He hoped some how though his one sided conversation he would feel closer to Ivak. Ivak and Nysel were the two gods that Kendall revered the most. Kendall's connection to the Fire God was quite present and obvious if he simply lifted up his sleeve. His interest in Nysel was more internal though. Although during his waking life Kendall was a male in his dreams he could be who ever he wanted. Granted, he dreamed he was a male quite often. On lucky occasions he was himself in his dreams. Nysel had given that to him and for that Kendall could not help but feel thankful. Even in his daydreams he could be himself a bit. Still, life always would come crashing back. No matter the dream or how beautiful it was it always had to end.

"If I am going to move on maybe I need to let somethings go." Kendall looked into the water with empty eyes. He did not want to let go of Zeltiva. It was safe and it was home. There might have not been a home for him to be part of but the city was a part of him. "Maybe I don't need to let go of Zeltiva, just... my family." It seemed simple enough. They had made him feel like he did not matter and left him on the streets just because he looked different. Ivak had taken him in that day though. Maybe home would be with others who were marked. He thought about Hadrian's words. Possibly home was right in front of him. Cathan had stuck with him this far and the trip through the Wildlands had brought them a bit closer. Things would not be like they were but maybe he would find comfort in what he had. If the Gods were playing with him at least they threw Cathan into the mix. Perhaps they were more benevolent than he thought.

"Thank you for listening Kova." He ran his fingers over the stones that made the walls of the well. Kendall's eyes wandered over to Hadrian sitting alone. He couldn't help but smile a bit. He had not expected this visit to Kova's Well to be so interesting but he was glad he met Hadrian. Kendall felt the man was a bit hard to get through to but he knew a bit about scholarly minds. When he was back in Zeltiva he would often lose himself in his writing. His poems and stories would grip his mind and make it so they were all he could think about. Hadrian's mind was obviously a bit different. He was not a full time writing student like Kendall had been. There had to be some sort of connection though. Both were dedicated to their arts even if their arts differed a bit. He walked to Hadrian's side and quietly spoke up. "Okay, I've cleared out my mind, at least a little." He gave Hadrian a small smile and looked back to the well. "Kova is a good listener." Kendall was not sure how much he believed Kova was really listening to his words. It was a calming thought to think of though. "Thank you again for your offer to teach me. It means a lot that you want to help."