[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

by **Ricky Maze** on September 7th, 2013, 9:05 pm

Themes

First: Wooooohoooo! Interview for a job today and I'm excited! I can't wait, hopefully I'll be working to earn a living finally. I'll have details later after the interview but for now I digress.

Okay so the season theme has yet to be picked. I decided to do a little something fun that would involve the readers, which is the chance to VOTE for a season theme! That's right, I'll have several choices to provide for you and from there it falls to those reading this now to place a vote in and see which song gets a popular vote. The choices are:

The Themes :

The choices are present, the scrap polls are OPEN for the week. Now I must go and prepare for my interview, and hopefully this will spark interest in somebody before I return. If not, then I still have a week to see who votes. Oo the excitement boils! Wish me luck people.

by **Ricky Maze** on September 11th, 2013, 7:31 am

Explanation Time

Ok, so bear with me guys and girls as I've got a stressing reason to ventilate prior after my retirement explanation, which I sincerely apologize as it is long overdo. Ok, first off I have more than anything enjoyed STing for everybody. Its an incredible exerience I regret having to pass up, and I'm soooo so very thankful Gossamer and Paragon gave me a chance. Provided I did little other than grading, it was amazing to do what little I could for the forum, but that's where I started to see the problem. Being able to use only the phone I could only accomplish so much, take on so much without being overloaded before long. It didn't dawn on me how difficult it was until I took on the Coup. Coming clean with recent events I'm about to further explain, you would all too agree that with this occuring my time for retirement was rather necessary.

I requested retirement because with my current issue of having only a phone, I knew I would only grow to be slower and slower on projects, and with the chance that I might actually have a job now existing my time would only be cut shorter so the pressure would grow even further. Thus I decided to put a stop to something I couldn't keep together and do a hiatus, if I can retain internet for a pc and manage to keep it for a long time and hopefully earn favor once more then I'll try again. For now though I will focus on doing what I can through my pc's, since those should be a bit easier to manage with a phone.

Now... for my ventilation and rather confidation to you all. I've been addressed as cool and stuff on here and its fantastic, but I honestly can't say the same in the real world. Probably because its so hard to open up and show that part of me to people here, on site its not so hard because you don't physically have to worry about actual world interaction with others though. So you can only imagine that I've a handful of friends. That's only partial true, out of the many friends I could say I have, only several fingers remain up when I try to count the real ones. Well for a while my family has thought poorly of a considerablr friend, although I've come to terms with the fact having to struggle with feeling like a basket case before them and things related to that is rather shitty and makes me feel like shit myself. Honestly I've not seen much of a reason for them to.be considerably a friend, though I can get past the fact they are a total ass I can never shake the feeling inside. So I think my family is correct on the idea its better to no longer be involved with them, and find better friends though that'll be hard. These past few days I helped them move which explains the rest of the reason why I've been so freakishly busy, along with the fact I might be a dough boy at a pizza place starting today after I get some sleep. I've a lot on my mind obviously so you guys get to read the whole blowout I'm avoiding. Its healthier than the occasional mental break downs I do on late night private walks.

Anyway my main problem I've been focusing on in RL latelg is trying to find not just friends, but a way to express my self in a way others would understand me. Lately I've been wanting to show.other people how it is I see the world, bring a little bit of my creative spark out for others to witness I guess. Other then Instagram I've yet to find a means, I still struggle like I do everyday to achieve something. Except the more I try the less it seems to matter, I've yet to meet anybody that makes it all worth the effort here. Times like this I just sigh and daydream of a much better time, do my usual give up and wait for something else good to come along. I've made it this far though, almost have a job but not there just yet. Hopefully things will go well and I'll finally get started on everything I wanted to do, maybe along the way pick up the people that matter and find that background I belong in. Guess this is well enough for an explanation, more so sob story near its end but its all true. I'm doing everything I can to show people who I am, and so far I'm just barely getting started.

End long ass explanation and hopefully get sleep here, if you read ALL of that then kudos as you're a trooper at reading long boring drama.

That said thanks for reading,
Zach
A.K.A. Storyteller on a road to Self Discovery.

by **Khazius Raine** on September 12th, 2013, 4:34 am

Sometimes you have to be patient because a really good cake can't be rushed.

by **Tallis** on September 13th, 2013, 6:10 am

Hey Zach, sending happy thoughts your way. I have more to say but this is sort of rushed. The first week of school's been killer. I'll talk to you later and I can't wait for you to send your creative energy my way

I'd like to tackle a bunch of Fall Challenges with you!

by **Ricky Maze** on September 13th, 2013, 8:29 am

Response To You Guys

Thank you guys for your response, means a lot to know that people take time to actually read and reply to this thing.

Makes me feel more sane about myself I guess.

Tallis I send good blessings your way as I remember what it was like when school always first started, although I'd imagine college/university to be more hectic.

Hang in there buddy and kick assignments in the ass, things will settle shortly and you'll have a nice routine going soon. I'll add you to my inventory list of Fall challenges then since you brought that bit up, and you can expect a pm from me with details on everything later. For now expect a lot of fun for the season and prepare for a very dramatic loss in Ricky's life later on.

Khaz, so weird because in my novel I've a character named Keaz which sounds similar, I appreciate your words of wisdom you brought up. Even as a stranger they held strong meaning I could understand and deeply consider, now I've several things to point out in response to your post. Yes I did share it in the Commom Room because it was a sort of explanation as to why I failed to announce my retirement from STing, then of course came the whole situation with the sob story to follow really. Anyway I knew what I was getting into, and I took the possibility of any posters with confidence as prior to whatever would follow. Now I digress from my point, lol, which I tend to do when I ramble on about other rambles. The issue I have is more so putting people before me really, I try to help others and please them instead of mainly worrying about what I want most of the time. In this case I can be easily used or manipulated sometimes when I feel strongly loyal to someone, and my situation with fewer good friends grows more complexive with the detail. I hardly get to hang out with the real friends I have because they live too far, or simply have far more active lives than I do as of now. Which leaves me with next to no one to spend time with and in some cases bring bouts of loneliness. So I look to find other friends I may have and seek to make more if at all possible. As for the recent thought good friends though it looks like everything will turn out differently, as they clearly aren't good for me no matter how hard I wish it. I've done what I can to prove myself a good friend, and sadly they just haven't done the same in return.

As for improving ones self that is a method that would work, and something I will definitely try it sometime to see if I can better my flaws and/or improve on my merits in the process. Being rushed being one I have to work on right away, because you're metaphor with a good cake was a reminder to how I have to remind myself even, that no matter how eager I feel I still have plenty of time ahead of me. I dunno why but I always feel constraint, like I'm on a time limit of a sort, and that the things I want and aspire for must be sought after as quickly as possible. Probably because I've noticed how easy it is to let time pass you by when you aren't careful too. So yeah the time feeling is an issue I probably should start with really.

Now my situation with the phone. It's the same as it is with internet, if I could afford a laptop henceforth I would be using one as I wrote this response. That's what this job as a dough boy would help accomplish, which by the way is still a game of patience as I'm hoping the hiring manager will get an opening by next week. I'm eager to have this job more so to start a grand career, which will involve more than just making great pizza I assure you!

Guess that ends my rant of the night, thanks for your posts guys and keep up the Good Write!

Zach

by **Ricky Maze** on September 20th, 2013, 11:09 pm

Lately

Okay with things settled down I feel more better to write freely what ever comes to mind now, I've a few things I've been wanting to share anyway so no time like the present.

Lately I can't help but think seriously about things, anything in general I just seriously ponder about it for no apparent reason. I've always had that type of approach before but took to a less serious approach to things, and more so tried to just enjoy how everything goes with a smile. After recent events its only natural to fall back into this pattern, I have the habit of doing so with other things after all. I've considered more so what I would think better of out of people, and realized that many poorly reflect those thoughts in the end. Well most that live down here anyway, as for elsewhere I've no clue how people are. I hardly get out of town much less the state. There's just a lot more to consider now I've reached that point in life, I feel like I know what I want to do but can't make up my mind. Really.

I'm still waiting for that job opportunity, hoping to be a "dough boy" as I would call myself. Its the start of a career I definitely want to get into, but not just the one thing I want to do. I wanna learn how to make music, and improve my drawing and crafting abilities, to become a dancer, and finish the novel series project I started over two years ago! I want to do photography, crafting, practically all I can do. Its all fun so why not, why settle for one thing like cooking when they all sound so appealing? Sure its hardwork to try and do everything, but for someone who's passionate enough it can be done. Even if I feel like I'm on an urgent time clock that's ticking, I have plenty of time ahead of me to aim for all these. Though that hardly helps my creative eagerness now.

I feel fine for now though actually, I understand I'm in a place with limited means but I'm doing well. Things can always get better but that's hardly the point, I'm in a place where I'm better than some I know. For all I know things could've gone further downhill for me than I'd' have defered, where as now everything is just as it is. I've started to consider it and found myself thankful for things like Mizahar, for being a place where not only creativity may ventilate and form into whatever takes place, but for its people and how amazing they are at just doing what we all love to do. Writing here when I first joined I was rather shoddy with hardly any outlook to developing any character, however once I found the way to come back there was a change. That change affected my outlook as well as my writing skill, both have improved and continue to do so even now. That's what makes this a wonderful community in my case, a forum that's had a fantastic effect on my perspective and all the more.

Contemplative today, yet I've much to proceed with. Another post is due in the near future with some ideas or thoughts I may pick up in the meantime...

Zach

by **Ricky Maze** on October 3rd, 2013, 2:07 am

Year Two

So a year ago I finally got a cell phone that was affordable and have been gifted with phone cards for the ungodly amount of time I've spent on the forum. One year and several days since then I finally gave in to the pressure of wanting to use it for Mizahar, and I'm still here with that same phone with many great changes coming.

What's it been like for the whole year? Well it was a trial and error at the start but sure enough I started rolling posts like I was still using a pc, thus my ability to write with an small electronic pocket pad has significantly improved. Really though I have improved with my writing skill and learned some new ways to write while on here, and I've made wonderful friends that I've seen come and go on the forum. Am I still going to stick around after all this time? I certainly hope so, albeit when I can manage it in free time once things change.

In a couple of weeks I'll finally be moving in with my best friend and her roommates, and this would be my first time ever to move out the household onto my own. So in a way I'm leaving the nest for a new learning experience, and seeing how far I can stretch my wings before I take off and fly. I'm still waiting for an opening to occur but odds are I'll have a job in no time, and I'll likely be using a laptop with internet often since my best friend owns one. Things are looking great and I'm really really excited, odds are I'll be going through a lot of changes and filling this scrapbook with stories of drama and boring issues I face in real life. I'm gonna be sharing more for you guys, I know there are some out there who actually enjoy reading this a little (I hope).

So I decided to change the title of this scrapbook to better reflect what I'll write, for one because I am an sincere odd person and I enjoy it. I've been re-evaluating some things about me lately and found I no longer knew who I was, which decidedly wasn't good for me because when I saw myself that way I felt the need for something different to occur. I'm learning, growing, changing to better reflect who I want to be, and showing everyone else who I really am because that person; that's who I want to be.

Thus I conclude my scrapbook post with this, this is Zach McIntire and as far as you know this are my sincere oddities.

by **Ricky Maze** on October 15th, 2013, 9:46 am

A New Page

So I don't know if I mentioned this in my last post but things are changing about me, personal things really that will better reflect what I would like others to see. I know who I want to be because I was once there, but somehow lost it along the way for reasons I have no clue why. I guess it's more so based on the fact that change happens, shit happens and it changes you in ways you could never predict. I spend a lot of time wondering how I can make it easy for others to understand how I see things, how I look at the world and see that even the smallest of things can have a significance in this world. I enjoy art because it allows me to bring something that has some sort of meaning, or show others that something I see has some sort of meaning. Sort of like a voice I guess. Art is just one of the ways I could express myself, show people who I am better than anything. In highschool I was chosen as the "dares to be different" with a friend, because senior's do all the class voting and stuff, and the reason why I was chosen this was because everyone saw me as an individual. They knew me as somebody that stood out differently from others, I literally didn't fit into any group as I was practically a social loner.

Anyways I wasn't fully myself at the time and I spent a long time thinking on how I could've done things differently, yet that sense of individualism I welcomed until I lost it. Not even sure how, like I said change comes and unexpected things happen. Point being, as I've digressed again, now I intend to find that sense of individuality. Right now I'm living with my friends instead of my parents, and I'm one final step closer to having a job to work for. I clearly see my goals ahead of me and I'm slowly working to achieve them now, within a year or two I may finally be able to reach those goals and find what I've been looking for along the way. I dunno what lies ahead of me but I'm confident in facing each obstacle now, and I'm doing everything I can to learn what I can and living on my own. Things aren't easy but I'm content with the challenge and hold a positive outlook on the whole experience, regrets are something I'll no longer hold on to as I've things to work for and earn now.

This ends my sincere ramble on another sleepless night with insomnia.

Cheers.

Zach

by **Ricky Maze** on November 26th, 2013, 5:37 am

A Step Forward Makes Two Steps Back

So its been a while since I posted here again and I know I've been meaning to tell everyone how everythings going with the new job, but I've just been so busy lately it slipped out of my mind. Anyway now of course I'm gonna bitch because I need to vent this out, this being something I hate to admit or do because what it requires me to do.

Okay so with season change that means I should be meeting all my deadlines and such, and making sure the entire CS is up to check for the new season. Well keeping up with both major things while working with a constant job schedule with rambunctious hours makes the challenge tedious if not tiring. In my case the need has built up due to being a little lazy of course, but also with the fact I'm keeping track with an old pc without internet and a touchscreen for posting. Here recently I've been trying to recalculate all of Ricky's XP points only to find that he's missing some from somewhere, only because it's likely not recorded on file when I believe I've noted it down. Come to find out there's missing points of data in other sections of info I recorded as well, so I'm faced with the issue of going further back to relocate what else is missing.

THAT's where I'm finding myself flustered because if it isn't one thing it's another, and with the way things look I'll definitely be far off track compared to original intention. That's not what bugs me as bad, but the fact I have to figure out SOME damn way to record all this with just a phone or anothers computer; that's what REALLY bugs me. I've struggled with myself over it time and time again, because it makes me want to quit honestly. Just give up and quit for a while, even if Ricky's reached an outstanding point in his story. Yet because of his story and the people involved with him, I don't WANT to give up because I love both of them. His story is what compels me to stay because it fascinates me to watch as it unfolds, even more is the people that get involved because they too are amazed and they too get to see their character achieve even the smallest of great things. This is why I'm tormented with the whole XP and Lore Stats, and why I'm so damn behind on everything other than a busy work schedule.

Anyway I'm sticking around if anybody is getting worried, didn't want to give the idea I was quitting out there.

Just felt the need to ventilate a pressing issue before sleeping, and letting everyone know that I'm gonna be a little more slower until the CS thing is all done. Then I'll finally wrap up this season, which will be done after season change, and get rolling with Winter.

Oddly Sincere,
Zach

by **Ricky Maze** on December 11th, 2013, 1:15 am

Farewell For Now

Hey again Miza and scrapbook. This is without a doubt the last time I'll be writing in this, as I've come to a decision that its time to leave. I cannot fully explain why or as to what my reasons are for leaving, but I know I'm gonna miss a lot of people on the forum whilst I'm gone. Dunno if I'll come back, depends on what changes occurs really, but I'll always be checking in from time to time to see what's going on.

Looking back to the beginning of this I've come a long way, this scrapbook makes a fine example of the growing up I did. I've learned a lot with writing on here and my performance has only improved evermore, and with a great story to forever remember with Ricky I'm sure glad to have spent the time I did here. Almost all of you will be missed dearly, I know there was a few bad eggs in the bunch

, but all in all everyone here made a great impression for me and I'll keep the experience and memories deep within.

Guess this is the end of my final post. I've nothing left to say now, except thank all of you and farewell. For now. This is my Sincere Oddities at its end.

Zach