[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy roleplay forum. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Ricky Maze on February 14th, 2016, 3:16 am

So I don't know whether or not the good is yet to come or I've more to grim things to deal with in the near future, just when things are finally looking up I am once again blindsided by something I could never have expect... Several days ago I received a call around seven in the morning, it was my grandmother on my father's side who had called and spoke with my mother and sister first, and no later afterwards I awoke to the urgent calls of my sister for the phone. My grandmother was crying when I finally received it, and when she told me the news I found myself in for the biggest shock of my life. She told me that my father was dead, that he'd died of what could have only been a heart attack or stroke.

At first I'd been nothing but shocked, but now I... just feel sad most of the time. I suppose its only natural since I'd just learned of it, that I have to face the reality that my dad's suddenly gone. It'd hit me just like the news of my cousin's loss, only this time I've a lot to handle. I'm to board a train in the morning to return home, to attend the funeral as well as handle everything he left behind. I don't know what to expect anymore honestly, I hoped this year would be a better one. So next week in what little free time I have, I'll be doing a little here and there on my character's CS. I'll need what few distractions I can have, seeing as how I'll be managing quite a bit after tomorrow. I disliked sharing personal shit like this before because I was afraid of how I might appear, seeming like I want attention or just be pity partying myself.

Lately of course with things being as hectic as they've been, I care not for what others may think nowadays. Right now I'm to the point where I've little to say, save the fact I'll be making a couple of appearances. Internet is something we'll be getting probably next month, I hope to chat with everyone again soon.
Journal - Plotnotes - Announcement!
Scrapbook - Shop (Closed)- Vlogs
Image
Credit goes to Fallon for allowing me to temper with her codings! :)
User avatar
Ricky Maze
"Bottom's up!"
 
Posts: 2397
Words: 2035002
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2011, 9:02 pm
Location: Nyka -> Wildlands -> Syliras
Race: Human, Mixed
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 7
Trailblazer (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1) One Million Words! (1)
Extreme Scrapbooker (1) 2014 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)
2012 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Pulren Marsh on February 14th, 2016, 8:28 am

Sorry for your loss, Rick. I lost my Dad a long time ago and it still hurts. Keep your head up and we look forward to your return.
Image


Image
User avatar
Pulren Marsh
Your favorite Uncle
 
Posts: 775
Words: 504240
Joined roleplay: March 22nd, 2014, 3:33 am
Location: Syka
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Mizahar Grader (1) Overlored (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Ball on February 14th, 2016, 3:26 pm

Oh damn. I think I read this last night but I couldn't be sure entirely. >.> Man go do what you need to do. Don't worry about us here. Just be with your family. Come back when and if you can.

Sorry for your loss. =(
Avatar CreditsMy lovely Avatar was drawn and created by the most awesome Nivel

Graders Please Note :
As Ball is getting closer and closer to maxing out Pyken as a skill, I would like to request that in places where Ball is not doing enough to constitute Pyken XP if Pyken technique lores could be issued instead.

Examples of proper XP level for Pyken would be: Ball developing or refining his technique by adding new thing against an actual moving target, not a dummy.

The use of basic skills alone are not enough to accomplish XP at Ball's current level of Pyken.

Thank you.

I will be handling all Ball related posts on Mondays @ 1800 my time *
User avatar
Ball
Ser Ball -- Pycon Knight of Syliras
 
Posts: 1325
Words: 460545
Joined roleplay: January 31st, 2012, 4:52 pm
Location: Syliras
Race: Pycon
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 5
Featured Contributor (1) Mizahar Grader (1)
Chat Mod (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Ricky Maze on February 17th, 2016, 5:20 am

So I decided to make a video about the previous weekend, overall I left out the grueling details of what may come in the future. Shits bound to happen more or less, now that I'm back home; just know that personally the words expressed in this are humble and true.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhPsMb8p0q0
Journal - Plotnotes - Announcement!
Scrapbook - Shop (Closed)- Vlogs
Image
Credit goes to Fallon for allowing me to temper with her codings! :)
User avatar
Ricky Maze
"Bottom's up!"
 
Posts: 2397
Words: 2035002
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2011, 9:02 pm
Location: Nyka -> Wildlands -> Syliras
Race: Human, Mixed
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 7
Trailblazer (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1) One Million Words! (1)
Extreme Scrapbooker (1) 2014 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)
2012 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Ricky Maze on March 4th, 2016, 8:35 pm

At last its finally done. I got home about a week ago after contending with enough family drama, the kind that clarifies reason for leaving to begin with, and had it set to date that I'd get this done. Internet is hooked up and I will be officially resuming posting, plotting, and carrying on about anything and everything. The usual, unusual, boring, amusing, and yes even pointless rambles shall stream along in here, and I'll no doubt be back on top of character progression in due time. Right now though I've full intention to reconnect with friends, so if anybody wishes to they can pm me for a skype or AIM, or even facebook if you're wanting to go the extra mile. I don't care what you choose, the only thing that makes me happy is being able to chat and have friends here, as well as make new ones that come and go. I missed you all and can't wait to chat again soon, I do believe things are finally going to start looking up by the end of this month. ;)
Journal - Plotnotes - Announcement!
Scrapbook - Shop (Closed)- Vlogs
Image
Credit goes to Fallon for allowing me to temper with her codings! :)
User avatar
Ricky Maze
"Bottom's up!"
 
Posts: 2397
Words: 2035002
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2011, 9:02 pm
Location: Nyka -> Wildlands -> Syliras
Race: Human, Mixed
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 7
Trailblazer (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1) One Million Words! (1)
Extreme Scrapbooker (1) 2014 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)
2012 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Ricky Maze on May 25th, 2016, 4:12 am

I suppose this is rather something several have expected by now, I honestly admitted a few weeks ago that such would be the case, but I never got around to making it official because of the bullshit I was putting myself through at the time. Recently I managed to regain the means to write on here again and just as soon as I started to do so, suddenly the bravado of inspiration I started to show suddenly dissipated like ash to the wind. What had happened you may ask? What exactly did you go through this time, or rather what did your put yourself through since you like to mentally torment yourself so? Well the fact of the matter is I allowed my lazy habit to get the best of me, but that was only where it began before the shit really the fan and my mentality took a nose dive.

Yes I will admit that I wasn't doing much of anything healthy for my sanity the rest of spring, and it stands to reason that the past events I've gone through are a fitting example as to why I resorted to this state of mind. It was the same constant lifestyle I had in high school when I had no internet or actual social life, and it was what got me through the years as I coped with the fact I hated the reality I lived in. It was why I decided to leave home behind mostly, among other various reasons of course but mainly the bigger one. The change was good until things got difficult shortly after we arrived, and ever since then the transition into what's suppose to be a new life has been nothing short of arduous to manage ever since I got here. I've been homeless for a couple months, literally camped out in the rain and wind for almost a month with no where to go, lost my childhood cousin because of the gravity of his depression got the better of him two days before christmas, found myself wanting a relationship with another who refuses to date anybody because of their own personal agenda, wanting to spend time with friends who quite often are appearing to give me the run around even after I snap and tell them how I feel, and of course lost my own father to an aneurysm just a few months ago. Sound like a lot to go through? Kinda does to me when it finally starts to sink in, which I guess actually happened because I've done nothing but cope with the reality I'm facing by doing nothing but sit around and play xbox.

Ungodly hours dedicated to online gaming because I wanted distraction, to cope with everything that's happened in my own way while I brood over what I've been through. I literally thank the powers that be that I've been on anxiety medication, because if I weren't at the time all this sunk in my level of depression would've plummeted even deeper. First I lost all motivation for everything, I didn't want to do anything as I could only want for distraction. Things I love and thoroughly enjoyed just didn't have the same feel as they did before, and the next thing I knew I was lost in a grim world where I nearly hated everything, wanted to quit my job and everything in general, and just sit around and do nothing but brood on my feelings every single day.

Yeah I know that kind of shit isn't the healthiest and given its only been, what, three quarters towards four months since my dad died; you'd think or believe a reaction such as this was natural and bound to come. For me I didn't expect it to but I knew better not to believe it wouldn't, because I'm a person with one of the biggest faults you can quickly learn. Simply put I'll put on a front and hide the fact I'm troubled, always have and always will to boot. Ask me how I'm feeling and sure enough you'd get that "fake" smile, the one where you convince others your okay, and go with the two easiest words that cover what you're really feeling. "I'm fine," is definitely the key terminology I've used so much over the past year, that in all honesty its actually coming down to the point that I'm disappointing myself in saying it. Yet I do it anyways because I prefer to leave my problems as my own, and almost nobody will ever be able to share in them unless they know for sure I'm putting up a front. But now I'm straying from the point of the subject here.

Overall its been a hell of a journey up here and recently this whole brooding cloud finally seems to be lifting, in fact it wasn't until last night I actually managed to write anything in the time I've stopped doing anything in general. For once I grew sick and tired of sitting around and doing nothing, and rather than just brushing it off and merely sitting around I started doing something. A little chore here and good intention there, mix in random acts of actually wanting to do this, walk the dog once or twice, all of these were slowly building up to what I could hope would be a breakthrough I needed. Am I on the verge getting through this brickwall I hit? Have I finally come to my senses and finally remembered how to enjoy the good things in life again? Honestly I don't even know, still don't even feel sure I'm able to keep up with myself anymore. Half the time I still feel like just buckling down and quitting everything, just to sit and deal with my own private thoughts, while the other half I'm finally spending time trying to find something I legitimately wanna do to make myself feel good again. So in a sense last night was only a baby step forward in the effort to regain what lost passion I had for the thing I loved most, and it was spent on the one novel I've been working on and putting off ever since I graduated high school back in 2011.

Yeah its been that long since I started working on this novel, and its about time I focus more on it so it doesn't just linger around as another piece of self resentment. Gods already know I've spent enough time loathing myself over the past couple of months, so that leaves me with the fact that I've to tie up loose ends elsewhere and see to it I end things on good notes rather than vanishing without a word. I realize I was vastly deep in plans on here but with everything that's happened, I have to finally say that now is the time I finally hang my hat and say I'm done lingering here. The people that I've met and the stories I've planned, put to action, and even read across this site have been nothing short of amazing. The amount of time and dedication to this site spent on both my part and others involved have created plenty of memories both favorable and unfavorable at times. I've laughed, I've cried, I've enjoyed, and I've even missed so many people that have come and gone here. In a way I feel like I'm just another player whose finally following the rest ahead of me, when in truth I'm finally just resorting my priorities to redefine what's left of my outlook on life for the better.

I've always expressed the fact I've wanted to make friends, and to this day that still stands because I love meeting and interacting with people. So you can imagine how dreadful it was when I came to realize that I came to the conclusion to leave, even though I had intended to do so once already a couple years back. This time however I feel its a more serious and personal matter, and that I may in fact not be returning to write with anybody else here at all. To those I had just began to develop long term plans with, I deeply apologizing that I fell short of following through them. In a way I'll somehow always carry a sense of regret about that, because of the fact I failed to keep to these wonderful ideas I was so deeply interested in. While I may not be around to write or post anymore I do wish to at least keep in touch with many of you, and so you can always find me via email or aim or even facebook for that matter. My time here has reached its last chime of course and now I must draw this post to a close, and to all of you I thank you for the amazing stories and wonderful emotional support you've given me, no amount of words I could ever write will relay the sincere gratitude I feel towards such humble thoughts.

Love always,
Ricky AKA Zach
Journal - Plotnotes - Announcement!
Scrapbook - Shop (Closed)- Vlogs
Image
Credit goes to Fallon for allowing me to temper with her codings! :)
User avatar
Ricky Maze
"Bottom's up!"
 
Posts: 2397
Words: 2035002
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2011, 9:02 pm
Location: Nyka -> Wildlands -> Syliras
Race: Human, Mixed
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 7
Trailblazer (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1) One Million Words! (1)
Extreme Scrapbooker (1) 2014 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)
2012 Mizahar NaNo Winner (1)

[Ricky] The Sincere Oddities of A Writer

Postby Sayana on May 25th, 2016, 5:52 am

Be kind and loving to yourself Ricky. Even if this year felt like a stumbling block, you still have many more to come. You went through a huge pile of things, and if you felt burned out by it all and just wanting to do something lazy, it's probably not so surprising that you were physically and emotionally exhausted from it. And if you're getting started on baby steps now, maybe you're feeling more ready to start moving again.

I know I didn't get a chance to write with you, but I've loved seeing your presence on Miz. Often I see Miz as a stepping stone for what many of us want to do - to write our own novels. So honestly, I don't think anyone is going to discourage you from that path and I think we'd much rather cheer you on. Best of luck with your novel and getting things moving again with your life. And please don't have any regrets about leaving plots hanging here, we'll manage ;)
---

**Available via PM (generally) but looking to tie up loose ends. (Feb 15)

0/2 Solos ----- 1/2 Modded Quests ----- 3/5 PC Threads ----- 1/1 GST Thread (to grade)
User avatar
Sayana
Shadow Queen
 
Posts: 1940
Words: 1542923
Joined roleplay: September 22nd, 2014, 12:38 am
Location: Ravok
Race: Eypharian
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 8
Featured Character (1) Featured Contributor (1)
Peer Reviewer (1) Overlored (1)
One Thousand Posts! (1) One Million Words! (1)
Syliras Seasonal Challenge (1) Alvadas Seasonal Challenge (1)

Previous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: snegirommd and 1 guest