Closed Confessions

[Ricky Maze]

To be able to finally relieve himself of all the pent up stress he had finally started to buckle from had been more than a mere relief on the fisherman's shoulders, there had been a much greater sense of ease that started to grow the more he had shared his story with Matthew. What made the situation feel all the more better was that the escort actually did seem like he wanted to understand, to grasp at the things he had been told and wrap his mind around them one at a time, so that it would help Ricky feel better about the ordeals he'd been through. To be honest now that Ricky finally felt himself able to fully reflect on everything, he found himself in disbelief to an extent because of how crazy it all sounded. Were it somebody else he probably would've thought it crazy really, but since he stood in the spotlight of the story, the idea of disbelief felt harder to come to terms with.

Still he pretended none of it bothered him so there had to be disbelief somewhere, or maybe it was only denial for the sake of wanting something ordinary to happen for once. Well he had certainly gotten what he wanted recently, and now that it happened he wasn't sure how to handle it. Any time he'd ever come close to a moment where things started to quiet down, to turn into a state of 'normalcy' he wanted there had to be something, really just about any major event just randomly spurned to eliminate all sense of it. Now that the winter had passed and things finally looked normal once again, look what decides to bother him now! An ill gotten keepsake he should probably just throw away, for what good would it do to just go digging about in your old man's journal? Especially when he's dead and knew that death was coming.

"Naw, neither he nor I were good at drawin'. He could play de lute descent enough but d'ats about it." Admittedly Ricky wished he could say the same, yet even after his purchase of an instrument while in Syliras he hadn't taken the time to sit down and practice any. Finally with the resulting question based upon the inner desire to find an outside friend, Ricky nodded softly with a loose grin before he answered Mathew in turn. "Aye... Oi hadn't really t'ought about how everyt'in else 'as been botherin' me, t'ought it was only just de journal up until now." Yet it felt good to share with Mathew everything he did, there had been enough details left out to keep the long story short, but far from vague in terms of what he'd been mentally dealing with.

"Oi suppose it's because Oi haven't really dealt wit' all dis personally, didn't stop an' t'ink about all o' it because it felt easier not t'." He reasoned as that seemed like the logically proper solution he followed, now of course he looked completely at ease as he leaned on the arm of the chair. He wondered more or less about the journal in general and what he should do with it, while part of him started to at last dwell on the events of his story that founded his past. "Oi remember bein' told d'at 'ordinary isn’t fer men who wear a uniform' while Oi served as a Wave Guard, an' at first Oi t'ought if Oi wanted t' catch a break Oi had t' resign. Now t'ough after winter's ugliness Oi'm not so sure it was de job d'at was de problem, now Oi... dunno what de problem is really."

Was there any such thing as an ordinary life? Did normalcy even exist for everyone else or was it just an idea he desperately held onto? "Why is it other's can live t'eir lives without worry o' shyke happenin', yet Oi 'ave t' hold me breath 'cause every five ticks somethin' goes wrong? How in Mizahar is d'at even fair?" He questioned Mathew as he wondered what the man might have for an answer, seeing as how Ricky himself felt at a loss with his own reasoning.

[Matthew]

The image of the drawing passed through his mind again, mentally archived away but resurfacing for just a tick. He had often thought about learning how to draw but it seemed like there were very few books on the subject. It was either something he would have to naturally figure out on his own, perhaps with quite a bit of practice, or he would simply have to have someone teach him some techniques. He would get around to it one day. It was one of those things that he only thought about whenever he saw a drawing or painting that he liked, but would then get distracted by some other topic that he wanted to learn. Those other topics always seemed to take higher priority. He had never really had a hobby, he realized. It was a very interesting observation.

His thoughts were interrupted suddenly, the taste of smoke rising in the back of his throat, mixed with the brief taste of salt yet again. Was that Ricky's aura? No, it was something else. Was it the book? He peered down at it, pausing on a random page as he refocused the target of his magic. The book didn't have a mundane aura like most other inanimate objects did. It was more complex, more colorful. It appeared the journal was much more complex than he had originally assumed. How or why, he did not know. It was not his place to pry into something as private as the journal. Matthew pulled his mental focus away from the aura of the book, returning it to Ricky's own aura. His eyes continued to scan the pages as he moved through them, finding most of it to be absolute nonsense.

At Ricky's final question, Matthew hesitated a moment, trying to figure out the best way to answer it. One answer automatically sprung to mind but was the hardest to properly voice. It was also a lot to share all at once, but Ricky had shared quite a healthy amount himself. After a few more ticks of consideration, Matthew closed the journal and offered it back to Ricky before speaking.

"Are you familiar with the Goddess Tanroa?" The Harlot leaned back to return to his neat little position on the floor, eyes fixed on Ricky's. "Is that mark on the back of your right hand a mark that was given to you by a God or Goddess?" Matthew had seen many marks in his lifetime. He hadn't ever seen that particular one, but he knew enough about them that it struck him as something of a blessed mark. If he was wrong and it was a tattoo, he wouldn't be surprised. He wouldn't continue on with his train of thought, though. However, if he was correct...

"I've been marked by her. It is hard to see unless the light catches my eyes right, but there is a dark ring of blue around my iris. That is her mark. It allows me, with quite a few restrictions in place, to step back in time." He was aware of how crazy it all sounded, but felt someone else with a mark would somehow understand. "However, even with a gift given by the one who controls and watches over every aspect of time... I still cannot change time. What is done is done. It is written, forever. Even if things have happened in the past that are unfair, it doesn't matter. It will never be changed. The only thing that is possible to change is the future, using our actions in the present." He paused for another few ticks, giving all of his words a bit of time to sink in before he continued on.

"I believe that you shouldn't allow yourself to remain in the past. You shouldn't be bothered by it. You should focus on the here and now. Wondering why things have happened, why they happened to you... wondering all of this does not matter. Yes, you can learn from the past, but you cannot change it. Why linger? Does any of it truly matter any longer, or does the present and the future matter more?"

[Ricky Maze]

Alarmingly it somehow actually did make Ricky feel better to have managed to share all of his inner turbulence, the dormant state of a quiet storm wouldn't be disturbed so easily now that everything had been let loose into the open. Had there been another crisis he had to endure, then surely there wouldn't have been any means of containing himself then, if there had been any previous indications of this then... well his argument with Gale certainly felt damaging enough already. Yet Ricky did notice that Mathew held a curious interest in the journal, he appeared to look at the book a few times with several different reactions. One seemed to pause for a moment with a bit of consideration, then it appeared he were somehow intrigued by it only ticks later. Had the fisherman honestly overlook something here? Did he miss the part of the moment where Mathew found reason to be curious? Either way it didn't seem he would pry any further, therefore the harlot proceeded to answer the very question Ricky somehow felt impossible.

At first he didn't see the connection between Tanroa and his situation being fair, but then by any right did life ever seem fair to everyone else anyways? No the simple fact was that Mathew had a point he wanted to highlight, and while he explained it through a different means the outcome remained the same. While the lesson had already been something Ricky should've remembered long ago, his own foolishness in the sense of brooding clouded that reminder. Even so it did serve well for Matthew to actually be that reminder, and point him back in the direction Ricky himself once thought himself on. The present. Admittedly the fisherman spent quite a bit of time worrying about the future, and usually when some unstoppable crisis happened now, he would then find himself dwelling on it once the whole thing had passed. Switching between those two however never really helped him remember the lesson though, and so with it fresh on his mind he considered Matthew's own words very deeply.

"Aye..." He nodded as he looked down at his right hand to see the mark. Priskil did give him this mark for a reason after all, and yet here he was feeling dismal about his own being. "Ye're roight. De past isn't what Oi should be focused on, even if it 'as been a royal shyke fest lately. Oi'd do well t' keep me eyes front if Oi ever want t' keep me spirits up, more or less figure out what it is Oi really want exactly." He looked back to Matthew after he'd stared down his Gnosis mark long enough, the blue ring in the harlot's eyes caught by just a moment within the light. "Time watchin' t'en? Must be an astoundin' power. Even wit' what little ye can do, its still an extraordinary amount t' compare wit'." He complimented with a slight grin, his right hand turned over to where his palm faced the ceiling. "Priskil is de Goddess d'at gifted me, she befriended me and found Oi had... unwaverin' courage so t' speak. Honestly it'd just been a bad nightmare Oi had gone t'rough, but somehow it still proved enough t' earn 'er favor." He looked back down to the hand once more, the mark respondent to his whim as he tapped into its font of power.

Within the space above his hand a light became born, its shape small as the globe illuminated faintly illuminated the area. With its presence he somehow felt even more braver than before, as if his intentions that brought him here were paid off with accomplishments. Surely the mark didn't grant that much in power, more or less it had been a mixture of feelings between it and Ricky's own heart. Even so he still felt strongly attached to the fixture, and the luminosity that hovered there somehow managed to brighten his mood even more. "Priskil serves as a beacon o' hope but t' me Oi t'ink she's more... T' me she's become de very embodiment o' hope, and wit'out 'er Oi surely wouldn't be as happy as Oi am now. Oi've got a family, and a house as well, so why should Oi not be happy where Oi am?" The lights glow dimmed until it faded out before him, his grin lessened as he leaned a little forward once again. His eyes were directly on Mathew now, curious to know what answer the man may have in the next important question. "By my standards Oi've only wanted t' be normal, yet now d'at Oi t'ink about it Oi cannot say. So what about yew Matthew? What d' you find or describe as 'normal' in d'is world?" He quizzed as he wondered what the harlot would come up with, considering any given insight on that would do as an answer, Ricky figured it would certainly help transcend the ideals he held before.

[Matthew]

His Gnosis, an astounding power? Matthew took a moment to consider this, finding the statement somewhat odd at first. It only took a tick of self-reflection to realize that it certainly was something that most everyone would consider astounding. Why had he never thought of it in such a way? Perhaps it was because how it had just one day become a part of him. One moment it had not existed and then the next it had, engraved deep within the Harlot and instantly granting him understanding of new powers he instinctively knew he then possessed. It had just been so very natural. Even now, the hint of Tanroa's presence in the very back of his mind seemed as normal to him as simply breathing. As Ricky displayed his own mark and began to explain a little bit about how he had come to possess it, Matthew found himself wondering if the fisherman had come to understand his Gnosis in the way that Matthew had. Did he simply come to suddenly know how to make the little ball of light appear?

Interestingly enough, Matthew found that the little glowing orb affected him in some way. It caused something deep inside of him to stir and harden, though not in an unpleasant way. He wasn't sure what it was. It was an emotion he thought he had felt before, but like all of the others he had felt, Matthew had no idea what it was.

“Those certainly sound like things that most people would associate with happiness. Are you truly happy with these things or are you just saying you should be happy with these things? The way you worded your statement made me wonder. Is there something else you desire from this life? Something else that is needed to complete whatever your happiness may be?” Matthew's eyes lingered on the glowing orb of radiance until it dimmed and vanished, lifting his eyes to be met with the steady stare of the client who was confiding in him.

What did Matthew think 'normal' was? What an interesting question. The Harlot considered for a moment before slowly answering, words soft and properly pronounced, blue eyes unwavering in their own intelligent gaze. “To be normal is to conform to the accepted standard of a society, whatever that may be. This isn't a bad thing. Usually it is a wise thing to be normal, as it allows one to more seamlessly fit in with the ones who surround him. I believe it is also common for people to naturally want to fit in with those around them. To be socially accepted. It is usually how people find friends or lovers.” Ricky might notice the words were rather clinical, as if it was a subject Matthew had studied and written a report about. Such an assumption would almost be correct. Matthew had certainly studied it before.

“Some people do not care about fitting in while other people actively attempt to be different from those around him. While I am not normal, I find it is easy to outwardly conform to the idea of what normal is. I believe that is one of the skills needed to be successful in my current profession.” His head tilted to the side ever-so-slightly, curious as to what Ricky would do with the information he had requested from him.

[Ricky Maze]

By the way Matthew put it somehow it made Ricky seem to need more, to want something that appeared to be missing in order to make his life happier; maybe even better. Then again with the way the fisherman felt nowadays, especially with his greater amount of late brooding, it did feel as though the one thing he wanted to have would be that one thing. Normalcy. It had been within his hopes that everything would come to pass and he wouldn't have to worry about what went on around him, at least not in terms of chaotic events beyond his control. To him normal things were building a future you wanted to exist, to work hard everyday without worry of what might ruin your effort, to even figure out how to afford your next meal if not plan the next important event you wanted to put together. Admittedly he wasn't much of a planner nor did he usually wonder what future he would be building, generally he just focused on the care of the family he wanted to provide for back home.

But with the definition of 'normal' that Matthew gave Ricky looked intently at the figure for a chime, the very meaning he explained by far only the logical explanation anyone could follow. Yet even so it still did provide some sort of insight to the fisherman, enough to consider what his own ideals were with that of the words Matthew chose in his expression. To conform to the accepted standard of society, a wise thing to do nonetheless but natural. People either wanted to fit in or stand out, mostly because it appeared to be that of an idea. In Zeltiva there were many things that could be considered "the norm" such as the politics and the cities routines, yet the things that didn't conform to such standards were the few crisis's, which the city endured one right after another slowly but surely. He sighed after a tick and then finally proceeded to answer Matthew, the earlier question that had been put aside now addressed, since Ricky appeared to have the best answer he could hope for.

"Guess it's about as good an answer Oi'll ever 'ave." He reasoned as he brushed his legs with his palms, his eyes glanced over to the candle nearby to see how much it'd burned. They'd been at this for a while now, no doubt their bell would be up soon. "Honestly Oi was... am still wantin' one t'ing. Oi want t' believe d'at not bein' caught up in everyt'in Oi've been in makes me different, fer de longest time all Oi've ever really wanted was some fantasy Oi always held onto. Bein' a normal man wit' no significant worries ot'er t'en trivial day t' day matters, wit' a normal life filled wit' days spent raisin' a family an' drinkin' wit' friends. Alas..." He held up both hands with a wry smile, the missing pinky and Gnosis mark evidence to serve as the contrary. "Nearly at every turn Oi'm in de middle o' somet'in outstandin' an' beyond normal, half de time it's against me will an' de ot'er half Oi just can't help it Oi guess. So where Oi want t' find a sense o' normalcy, Oi've no real idea where t' start lookin'."

After he dropped both hands onto his lap once more he leaned forward, another smug grin brought up to put Matthew to the test. Surely if this man relied on logic more than anything, then perhaps he could come up with a better solution for Ricky to follow instead. "Tell Matthew before our discussion ends, what would you 'ave me do? What should Oi believe if Oi can't uphold my own?" His eyes held a glint of hope that there existed a plausible solution to follow, something that could at least motivate Ricky further. There had to be a right direction to go from all of this, there had to be clarification in all his uncertainty.

[Matthew]

“I apologize if this answer is not what you are looking for. I do think that the concept of normal may differ from person to person, as well as from society to society. It is something that is difficult to accurately adhere to no matter where one goes.” He patiently waited for the next question, wondering if any of this was providing assistance to the inner turmoils of his client. He certainly hoped he was providing a worthwhile service, but it was hard to tell. This particular service was a very unique one that he did not have a large amount of experience with.

Ricky's dialect this time around was the hardest to understand, mostly because it contained multiple instances of words that his accent affected the most. Matthew devoted all of his attention to the words leaking from Ricky's lips, blue eyes focused intensely as he absorbed the sentences from the air.

What would Matthew have him do?

Silence would linger for almost a chime as Matthew considered what was the most difficult question yet. It was something he had never thought about, not even once. Calling upon his logic revealed an immediate answer, though the Harlot felt that particular answer would be of little use to the fisherman. What other answers were there to give? What other options were available? What other eyes could he attempt to look through?

He noticed that Ricky had made a point to keep track of the time. That had been very kind of him. “Is there really anything you can do? Your goal of being able to live a normal life is an admirable one, but is it something that is possible with the way the world is? The deities walk among us and mark us as their own. People weave magic, using such abilities to defy the laws of both logic and nature.” Matthew gave a slow rolling shrug of his broad shoulders, eyes steady and unblinking. “If you wish not to worry, to have a family and drink with friends... then go do that. Push aside the worries. Start your family or focus on being with your family. Go drink with your friends. While your life may not be entirely made of these moments, be sure not to miss these moments when they do come, all because you are concerned with everything else. Does that make sense, Ricky? Does that help at all?”

[Ricky Maze]

While he found himself low on time Matthew appeared incline to apologize for the answer he provided, probably aware that what Ricky expected had been something a little more... well a little more really. Though what he got pretty much summarized the aspects of his question logically, it hadn't appeared to fully satisfy Ricky with the yearning for truth. On the contrary however it did at least appease him quite well, and that for now was all that the fisherman could've asked for really. "No need t' apologize, believe it or not ya helped me out quite a lot." He regarded as he took to heart the added note, seeing as how different people as well as places had their own sort of "norm" in the end. At the time to leave Ricky found his question posed with a curious response, a quiet moment that held its peace as Matthew seemed to think.

At this point his question posed an open interpretation into the escort's thoughts, from what he could tell there appeared to be a bit of contemplation in his expression. Perhaps the choice of words? Or did the question pose riddle enough to bring consideration? Finally it seemed that there came something to express, and when Ricky listened to what Matthew had to share, he took the words deep within as they settled into his mind. Moments. Moments was what made up the important part of his life, and they were indeed easy to miss if he didn't watch for them. Putting aside the worries seemed the best way to handle this, and perhaps putting to rest the biggest worry he had would help his views. He worried about a lot of things now that he thought about it; his wife, his son, his friends, his home, and of course the possibilities that existed before him. Yet when he realized the biggest worry was whether or not he differed from the rest, that he wasn't in fact normal compared his peers, he realized just how bad it had started to consume him.

"It does. A lot in fact." He finally admitted as he started to loosen up some, a sigh followed as he felt a bit of weight release off his shoulders. He knew now what the problem was, the real problem, and how he needed to address it before it made things worse. With that set in mind he could now focus on sorting out the things in his head, and in turn move forward with his life like he intended to do since his return home. "Thanks Matthew. Ye've helped me a lot t'day, maybe sometime later we can speak again. Preferably somewhere else besides 'ere, it can git pretty expensive just t' sit down an' have a chat." He mused as he looked sincerely over his shoulder towards Matthew. "It really meant a lot y'know, hearin' what y' said just now. It's helpin' me realize what Oi need t' look for, an' what Oi need t' do now more t'an ever." He admitted as he gave a humble nod. "Guess Oi'll see ya around." And with that he finally opened the door with his head a little higher, his stance a bit taller as he exited the room to leave the premises.

oocWent ahead and made this the closer for me, feel free to get your own closing post in before I submit this. A very fun thread for sure! I enjoyed it to the very end.

""

[Ball]

And the grades come rolling in.

 

Overall Comments

Wow this was an amazingly well written thread! Both of you, just... Wow. Ricky, I do apologize I couldn't give you more XP, this was a social thread and as you being maxed on both I really do wish I could've provided you more XP, but lores were plentiful.

Matthew: Please read your tab and let me know.

 

Ricky Maze

Experience Points.

Brawling	+1
Interrogation	+1

Lores.

• A Touchy Subject: Escort Service
• A Touchy Subject: Madam Lilienne, Owner
• Matthew: An Escort at a Touchy Subject
• Matthew: Also born in Zeltiva
• Matthew: Named after Mathew's Bay
• Matthew: Marked by Tanroa
• Brawling Technique: An Angled Stance Reduces the Impact Zone for an Opponent
• Priskil: Embodiment of Hope

Loot: Please remember to remove the -16GM for a Bell of Matthew's Services

On another note: Please be sure to note on your CS if you were active or not this past season.

 

Matthew

If you come back and would like this grade, please update your character sheet so it lists that you have been inactive since Spring 515. Then PM when ready to receive your grade.

Thank you.

Template Credit: Edric Wingard