What is it that motivates you
I have for a while now lost the spark, the inspiration for writing if you will. I find myself all the time dreaming, imagining, wishing for my characters to be more and to do more, yet when it comes time to put pen to paper I find myself completely unable to say anything at all. I always thought that it was just because I didn't have the words, or that I simply could not get into touch with my inner writer. The words just never flowed when I finally got home from work and COULD do everything I had imagined during the day. I made excuses for this, and lots of them. I made excuses in my real life as well, because you see I am not just this way in Mizahar. In fact I have a confession to make... Mizaha, I am a Dreamer.
What do I mean by that? Well I have found that I enjoy not the writing part, but the act of imagining, dreaming and creating within my own head. I LOVE to watch my characters grow and change in my mind, see what they could become, what the COULD do... what I don't like is putting in the work to make it happen. It sounds horrible I know, but it is the truth. I have lied to myself, made excuses over and over again about why I have not done this or that. I've done it in real life as well, and I can tell you that it almost cost me everything. I am a Dreamer, but I desperately want to be a doer.
This entire scrap was brought into being by something that happened to me tonight. I had an argument with my significant other over something really small and stupid, like we all do. She of course said the most cutting things that bit me to the bone, and stripped me bare, and I would retaliate, ect ect. However, I noticed something when we finally fell silent for a time. I realized I didn't even know why we were arguing. We were so mad at each other over absolutely nothing to the point that we had lost any real reason to argue, but we kept going and going and going... and then I realized it wasn't her that kept going, it was me. That started me thinking about WHY I kept it going, why I kept pushing and pushing the issue when it was all but settled, and then with a shock I came to the conclusion that something she said struck me as completely true. It was so true that I lost myself, twisted everything else I heard as a way to deny what she said, yet when I really thought about it she was right. What was it she said to me? I talk, but never do.
Like I said I am a dreamer. I like to imagine, to create and plot in my head, but I never put to paper what I imagine. I stop short of actually achieving my goals, and suddenly I flit off to a new idea and a new dream. Well as I gained these new epiphanies, I started to talk to my significant other sincerely, and she said to me something that made me get up to write. She said, "I don't think that you are lazy, or that you can't do it. I think that you lack the motivation."
I lack motivation? What exactly did that mean? But then, I started to think about my characters and I wondered, why EXACTLY did I create them? What is my motive for writing for them? What is my goal for them? WHY AM I WRITING FOR THEM AT ALL? I can dream up any character, imagine any story in my head in an instant. I have a very good imagination, and I love to use it. But why do I bother to write ANYTHING if all I do is dream? A dream can entertain you, can make you happy or sad, can tell you stories or take you back in time or to the future. You can be ANYTHING in your dreams, but what is the point of writing any of it down at all? Is it for others to see? Is it for you to revisit later? What? What is your motivation for writing for your character? I wonder what mine is, so I will right now answer the following questions about my character Evalin and find out what motivates me to write for her. I am answering all of these as I go, and none of them were done before hand. I wonder how it will turn out?
1) Where did the idea for your character come from?
This one is simple. Evalin was born from a show known as Negima. If you know of the anime there is a character known as Evangeline who is an evil vampire witch. She cruel and powerful, intelligent, and yet somehow despite her age she still comes off as human. She was the very first inspiration for Evalin, and I love how she can be evil and yet you STILL somehow want to feel for her.
2) What makes your character different from her inspiration?
Probably the most obvious reason is that she is not a vampire, and the not so obvious one is that Evalin truly is cruel. She is not beyond cold blooded murder, even that of a child, in order to get her way. She is two timing, back stabbing, and completely untrustworthy. She will most likely kill everyone who calls her a friend, because she has long sense lost her sense of humanity.
The biggest difference though? Eva should not be felt for. She should be hated, despised, and feared. No one should like her, everyone should want her dead because that is what she wants. She feeds off of hatred and anger, and would rather face a man's vengeance than accept his kindness.
3) Why did you create your character in the first place?
Honestly? I created her to play with a friend. She was made to be someone that linked us in Mizahar, and always gave us something to look back to in our friendship. She was also made to embody everything I wanted in a character. Cruel, manipulative and powerful. I wanted a mature character, since before her I always made bubbly air heads. I wanted a character with a drive, a purpose and a goal in life. Someone who could be self motivating, and always moving forward. That is why I gave her her back story, why I tore her life apart, why I made her a tragic villain who you can at once feel sorry for, and hate completely. Evalin was evil, and I wanted to play evil like it should be played. Not honorably, not safely, and not in a way that could be forgiven.
4) When you created your character, what was her ultimate goal? (If there is not ultimate goal skip to number 9)
ICly her ultimate goal was to kill Lhex due to a strange series of events in her past that lead her to blame him for all that had occurred to her.
5) Since creation, what steps have you taken to achieve your characters ultimate goal?
Honestly? I got a cool staff that I could drawn summoning circles with in an instant, with the intent of making it an integral part into her fighting style. I have gained +20 points in reimancy, I have gained a Familiar to help guide her. Beyond that I have done nothing. When I think about it I have done very very little as far as putting her on the path to her goal.
6) What has your character done since her creation?
Evalin has... met a lot of people, got her portrait painted, killed her dad, kissed a crazy Iggy... and a lot of really random stuff. She has been all over the place, to many cities, but honestly I could not tell you why she is traveling.
7) Has anything your character done been beneficial to her ultimate goal?
Well the staff, getting the diverse and gaining reimancy XP yes, everything else well no she hasn't.
8a) Can you ICly explain each of your character's actions based on her motivations toward her ultimate goal? This includes why your character traveled to a certain city, why she interacted with different people, why she did particular things during her journey.
Um... No. Honestly I have no idea WHY she travels so much. Why didn't she stay in Ravok anyway? I know why she went to Zeltiva and Sahova, to gain knowledge, but why everywhere else? Hm...
8b) Base on question 8a, does your character have a clear path to her future?
No she doesn't. I'm not even sure where her future is heading.
9) What do you ultimately want from your PC? What do you expect out of her?
I want a good villain, one that is hated and feared and loathed. I want a character that is etched into the fabric of Mizahar as one of the worst things to ever happen to this world, and I want her to die a very tragic death, hopefully after fulfilling her ultimate goal.
I want a character that other PC's in game whisper about, fear and avoid. Someone that gives people shivers just by looking at them. I want an evil little girl who hates, but does not know why she hates. I want her to be a powerful mage who commands the elements and acts in ways that baffle and amaze all around her. I want her to call forth such sorrow in the world that all eyes turn to her in dismay, and ultimately all hands move to crush.
I want her to be the ultimate super villain of Mizahar.
10) After considering all of the above questions, what do you believe you have to do to achieve your character's ultimate goal and your own expectations of them.
Well she needs to be more powerful. She needs to gain mastery over the elements, and then she needs to learn to be more manipulative. Before all of that though she needs funds. She needs Mizas to start her evil operations and all of her plans. She has to gather followers, and bend them to her will to follow her without question. She needs to stand out to Mizahar to become the ultimate evil. She needs to show her true colors. Lie, cheat, betray, slaughter. She has to do something that will set herself against the world, and she has to gain the power to slay a god. So in order of importance if I really want what I want from her I need:
1. Funds. Enough to gather enough resources to achieve all she wishes.
2. Followers that will obey her without questions
3. Power to slay even the Gods and Goddesses
4. Commit an evil so great that all of Mizahar wish her dead.
11) (Bonus question) Why do you write for your character?
I write for her to change the world of mizahar. I write for her to give this world a real villain that can be truly hated and feared. I want to give people someone they can openly despise, yet love to hate. I write for her because I want to make the ultimate evil.
Phew! Thats done with. Now reading back over this I gain a bit better understanding of my motivations for Evalin. I dream and dream, yet I have yet to really DO anything about it. I will be putting this in plot notes shortly so that I can always look back at this. So far I have written with no real direction. I dream and want and wish, but I have no real plan how to get there. In fact I was never really sure what I wanted or WHY Evalin did what she did. I write like a dreamer, flitting from one idea to the next with no rhyme or reason. No patter, no real story at all. I'm following plots instead of creating a story. Ive found it now though. I found the story I want to write. The Rise of Evalin, She who would kill Fate himself. Chapter one: Gathering Funds.
So what motivates me to write for Evalin? I want to be the ultimate big bad in this world. That is what I want to achieve with her. How I get there I have no real idea, but with these questions I now understand some of the things I need. So then, what motivates you? |
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Mischievous, naughty, and deadly...
Till death do us part? Not today!