Yeah, you're right Skerry. This is maybe my second time drinking since that occurred. I don't know why I torture myself. Objectively I can't come up with a single reason why anyone would want to drink to excess like that. Other than it's harder to stop once you've got a buzz going than to just keep drinking.
A Horrific Nightmare: Segment One
So I had this dream. Incredibly weird and the first bit is definitely rated 18. Okay so segment one. Me and lots of fat men and woman go to this seminar thing for fat peeps. The woman who is speaking is a sort of pure skinny, attractive in a Cruella Deville way type of woman. We all take our seets and then suddenly we're trapped in some way. Dunno if it's poison or restraints come out of our seat or not I have no bloody idea.
Anyway so the woman starts to rant and rave about her new invention. A mixture of insects and sea creature poisons that allow you to shed off the fat from your body. However one cannot just ingest said poisons they need to be administered almost all at once. At this point she like pulls a rope and a woman sitting at the front is immediately drenched in insects and all manner of small creatures (snakes and scorpians too) and they're all biting her and she's screaming and such. Short time afterward some henchman type guys pull the woman out of the mess of creatures and stands her up at the front. The evil woman then grabs her by the head and pulls away like a magician pulling away a curtain and her body, like a suit, kinda comes off.
Now the test subject is this totally hot blonde and the evil woman is holding up this fat body suit which kinda looks like a potato. The Evil Woman cautions that this demo is not complete as she puts the skin suit onto a giant grill. She is handed a machete and she cuts the skin suit in half. We see her guts for like a minute and then this raccoon with vampire like fangs rises out of it and slinks over to the hot blonde and sinks it's teeth into her ankle. The blonde falls down dead and so does the raccoon after depositing it's venom. The evil woman declares that she will rise again stronger and faster than any true human.
She then directs us to these computer screens in front of us and tells us that when the new humanity is born we will rule the world and live by her laws outlined in these manifestos on the computer. So I'm like reading and it's all a bit on the crazy cult-ish side of christianity. I learn that the new humans have this ability that when they focus on you they can see aspects of your personality via flashing symbolic images. I note 'Judas' which means traitor. Anyway I continue reading it until I get to this page entitled "Women and How We Will Eventually Phase Them Out" This makes me rage out and I break through whatever was holding me down shouting and ranting and raving about Gendar Equality of all things but then she pulls the rope and I am covered in a million different creepy crawlies all stinging me with this and that and I think I hear her cry out "Oh look the Giant Stinging Mantis" before I wake up. You know, because that was one hell of a nightmare. But it's only 8 AM so I decide to go back to sleep.
A Horrific Nightmare: Segment Two: It Gets Weirder But Less Horrific
Okay so segment 2. I think I have "Saga of the Raccoon People" which is my working title for these dreams. I think a lot of time has passed and I might have forgotten some fillery bits in between my other dreams. Anyway this secret society of New Humans (who are really like Vampires minus the pale skin, sunlight problems and need to drink blood (okay maybe they aren't like Vampires)) is kind of on the rise a bit. There are chapels in loads of places and the dream begins with a chapel service just beginning lead by the Mother of all Evil herself (the woman from the beginning).
Now this is kind of where it gets odd. I am not in this dream at all (I think I might have died in a filler dream). The main characters are Homer and Marge Simpson and they enter the chapel late kind of like they do in the first episode of The Simpsons when they get to a Christmas Pageant late. Of course no Lisa or Bart or Maggie is there with them. Anyway so they have a really weird ass but yet strangely average ceremony where you also find out that Homer and Marge are new-joiners of the church and have yet to be inducted (turned into one of them) yet.
Anyway after the service they stick around and get to know some of their fellow church-goers being unusually charismatic for Homer and Marge. Homer notices a blonde out of the corner of his eyes and is about to go speak to her before marge pulls him back next to him and declares they better go relieve the babysitter. They exit the Church and walk round a corner into a big black van. Inside is a couple of FBI agents. Homer and Marge are spies. Yes, they are undercover spies in this strange new organisation. The Government doesn't actually know if they're just a cult of freaks or if they're actually turning people into undying freaks.
So yeah, over the next couple of nights they go to more meetings of the New Humans and such and every time Homer makes googely eyes at this blonde but fate always makes one of them have to leave. There undercover operation is going extremely well until the Evil Woman decides it's time for Homer and Marge to join them.
I don't know how they manage this but they manage to fake the whole process. What is supposed to happen at the end of te process, after the raccoon bites them, they die and resurrect three days later so the dream seems to skip straight ahead to them being in coffins and suddenly rising out of it Homer and Marge looking frankly fabulous and a party congregates around them to celebrate their new Status as New Humans but first they all do that focus thing I read about on the computer in the last segment and Homer and Marge are really scared they're going to be called out as Judas but nobody makes the connection and the part goes ahead.
It is at this party that Homer finally gets a chance to speak with the blonde girl. He finds out that she is the niece of the Evil Woman and she has never been bitten by the raccoon. The Evil Woman only ever allows her to undergo the first stage of the process to keep her healthy and young but she has to do it every couple of years (which is of course a bit dramatic). Also that if anything happened to the Evil Woman all of the New Humans would die! Feeling for her plight, and sensing some amount of loneliness within her, Homer decides to kiss her to make her feel better or something but then Marge catches them and drags Homer out of the Chapel by the ear and into a taxi.
Homer tries to explain he was just fishing for information and Marge is like 'can it'. He tells her about the Evil Woman and if they kill her they can stop all this but she's not really listening. When they get home she exits the taxi first and says but one thing before storming into the house "You better finish what you started, Homie".
Homer pays the bewildered Taxi Driver and goes into the garage (this is the house from the show btw) He pulls like a hammer down from a peg and a section of floor falls away to reveal these steps and Homer goes down them into this Giant Armoury. He suits the fuck up in body armour and advanced weaponry before heading out to the Church. Frankly it's a blood bath as these New Humans die easily by mortal methods. He guns them all down in an epic gunfight which ends with him and the Evil Woman out on this massive balcony like an end boss fight. He's pummeling her with all kinds of weapons and bullets but she just won't die. She's all like 'you'll never find my only weakness'.
Then a single sniper shot makes the Evil Woman drop to her knees. Lights flare up showing Marge crouching on a Blimp with a sniper. "Simpson's stick together." and then I wake up. Thus ends the "Saga of the Raccoon People" I have the wierdest dreams ever. I hope I didn't just completely unleash the crazies on you all.
by Strange on February 8th, 2014, 6:50 pm 
