Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Sphinx on November 5th, 2012, 6:03 am

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I have something to say.

I'm trying to get back on my feet here. I haven't posted much, as anyone, in a long while. I don't blame my muse, or whatever, or a lack of thread partners and plots, but my own personal commitment to this site and these people. You all are great, in so many ways, and I quite enjoy socialising with you and threading with you. It's awesome.

I've been on tenterhooks about leaving my ST account for a while because I, at least in my own opinion, think I suck. At being an ST and at being an active member of the community here. I found out today that a PC in one of my quests left the site and I took that as a sure sign that my lack of commitment affected his choice to leave, but I know I shouldn't think that. Mizahar gets turnovers too, quite often, and even though Nijin is now the sole participant of the quest, I'll make it work for her. I owe her that. And I owe my DS and her PC some answers, too, not to mention the people that have been waiting on me for quite some time in my home domain.

I'm not a good ST, and I don't look for reassurances that I am or that I'm not. I don't mind what others will think about me, I'm still going to give this another shot and try to be the ST I expected myself to be when I volunteered for the position.

It's the holiday season. I can't promise a reply to everything every day, but I will promise a grade at least, or a heads up. I've not been good at that, at all, but at rock bottom I can only improve from here.

Guys, don't take this as a pity party or as anything but what I'm trying to make it. An apology. A public apology, not in the secrecy of a Coord thread or the relative privacy of an OOC thread.

I'm sorry, guys, and I love you.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Chevalier on November 5th, 2012, 6:18 am

Well, just as something you can compare to, thus far I've never run a quest (with more than 1 person) where someone didn't drop out and disappear completely from the site. I think it has less to do with moderator activity, and more to do with some folks just not having the drive or dedication (or a bunch of other reasons unrelated to the interaction they were getting) to continue with the game.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Accolade on November 5th, 2012, 6:34 am

I doubt it's because of you Sphinx. I really do. I just recently started two quest and people bailed on both so..yea. ST's get busy, but players understand that.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Naeya on November 5th, 2012, 6:50 am

All I know for sure is that Wind Reach has an incredible pair of STs. I've always admired the way you jump into PC threads and give players that extra bit of mod interaction to bring more life to their stories. It's thoughtful and generous, and, I imagine, much appreciated.

I hope you're able to sort it all out, Sphinx. You do wonderful, wonderful things & Miz is lucky to have you.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Sphinx on November 6th, 2012, 4:32 am

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Awww, thanks guys, really.

Whenever I jump into a PC thread I think I should be using some kind of Moderator Intervention header that says, simply and clearly: "Allow Me To Rain on Your Parade" :P I like handing out injuries, not going to lie. I think there are a lot of dangerous things out there, like falconers allowing birds to latch onto their fists without a sontav, or mutated monsters in the unforgiving, or grumpy birds that deep down inside just want a hug. I have fun throwing stuff at PCs and watching them interact. And I like playing the bad guy.

Soon I have to put on my big girl pants with the Valintar logo on them and give two Endals heck for the murder of a bunch of people, but I like biding my time and letting them think they got away with it. My Valintar pants are new, too, and freshly laundered no less.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Sphinx on December 11th, 2012, 5:37 am

I was going to paste a super long rant here about how crappy I've felt lately but I decided to leave the emo at the door and try and see things as good again. Long emo short: sometimes I really wish I could tell people to leave me alone for a week so I could recuperate from their bullshit.

I've taken to listening to music I used to love while in high school and going through this weird phase of things I shall not mention. Back then I feel like it was easier to deal with being me. I was swallowed up by music, friends, and the classes of those four awesome years of high school. I love music and movement and beats that make my heart beat quicken with excitement. I like being happy and moving around because I bore when things stagnate. So instead of retreating into negative sounds I usually go for, I've listened to Basshunter, Epica, Piano Guys, Adele, Ke$ha, Tokio Hotel and stuff. Particularly Tokio Hotel and Basshunter. For some reason, their songs just get me pumped and make me feel a tiny bit better about myself. I can't complain.

Praise jeebus for music. And for saskatoons.
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Phoenix on December 11th, 2012, 6:04 am

I don't know how, Anna, but I completely missed your post on being a terrible ST. I had no idea it existed, as I was probably already caught up in the sweep of NaNo and ACTUALLY being a terrible ST.

But first things first: I'm sorry that you haven't been feeling good and it's great that you have an escape. We all need one, and I'm glad you found yours.

Second: You are not a terrible ST.

And I'm not just saying that. Honestly, wouldn't I be the first person to tell you so? I think Storytelling is a beast unto itself that no one is really prepared for until they jump right in, and then it even seems like the best thing on the entire planet for the first week or so. Sometimes that ST-Honeymoon period lasts for a month or more, but in my experience everyone has hit the bump that just rattled you.

When I first joined Wind Reach, I was an AS. I was still pretty new to the site (I applied at Jen's nudging after my 60 days) and the only PC I had active was Aidara. Wind Reach was the only thing I knew and so that's where I went... and never left. But! That doesn't mean that it's not hard. It was terribly hard. All of sudden I had to grade and I was expected to know all these skills and then know if everyone was doing them correctly AND THEN I had to come up with lores?! Hell no. And all that meant that I couldn't post with Addy as much.

Me, being unable to properly balance things most of the time, just completely stopped posting for my PC and focused on Phoenix. I developed and graded and helped out and answered questions and just lurked on my ST account all the time because I felt like I needed to be there to help. Why? Because I was an ST! I was supposed to be there!

Well, I got bored of that and started posting for Addy in my free time... and then the grades started to pile up while I tried to catch up on my threads, PC's were coming and going or complaining at how long everything takes (like they ALWAYS do) and the guilt started to roll on in.

What I am trying to say, Anna, is that I've been there, and these inadequate feelings are because we actually care about what we're doing. Sure, it's volunteered and it's not like we're getting paid or anything (can you imagine if we did?!) but that doesn't mean you still can't put your best effort forward.

Everyone has their ups and downs ST wise, I think, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or quit over. The most important thing about being an ST is having fun. If you're still having fun, then you're doing it right. If you're no longer having any fun, then perhaps you should sit down and think.

I've taken PC's actions personally before. In fact, since I am DS and now RS, when I see players come or go, or see other cities more active than mine I assume it's my fault. I didn't help grade, I didn't run enough quests, my current quests sucked, my locations aren't fun enough, there aren't ENOUGH locations... on and on and on and I can make myself feel positively shitty. To some extent, it does depends on what we do whether or not a PC comes or goes. But if that one PC did leave because you weren't inspired by the quest (and I'm not saying that's what happened), that's not 100% your fault. They should have talked to you, or said something at all. If they didn't then perhaps it wasn't you and that Mizahar was just a phase.

Either way, like you said, you feel like you're on rock bottom and there is no way but up. And I'm here to help in any way you want. I'm rather hands-off when it comes to lording over other ST's but if you want, we can come up with goals or something for you to have done every week if that's what you need to help yourself feel accomplished.

But either way, Anna, I think you're an awesome ST and writer. I've loved all your PC's and I love reading your writing and I stop what I'm doing and read all the posts that you put up when I see them. Like the others said above, it's unique that you actually jump into posts and mix them up a little. I don't think ANYONE else does that on a regular basis. I don't do that. So instead of focusing on what you did wrong now that you're starting afresh, start looking at what you're doing right :)

Much much love,

-Jules
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Accolade on December 22nd, 2012, 8:17 am

Here...

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Don't say I've never given you anything. :D
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Sphinx Scrapbook: Release the Pigeons!

Postby Sphinx on December 23rd, 2012, 9:40 am

Awwwwwwwww! Most adorablest owl I've ever seen!!!
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