[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Bolden Denusk on November 4th, 2011, 9:07 pm

even in blood, you manage to be adorable! What's your secret?
*noms her cuteness* <3
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Seven Xu on November 6th, 2011, 1:07 pm

I'm just gonna leave these here...

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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Kendall Saarinen on November 8th, 2011, 3:22 am

Hello Sunrise... Things Move On...
One of my most therapeutic scrapbook sessions

Ginsberg,

how am I supposed to
 write what you have already 
wrote?
How will I see
 everything anew,
and fresh,
will they come to me?
Or will I have to dig
 under the graves of dead 
plants,
dead water
to see a reflection,

a simile,
a verse?
-Brian Martinez

Image

I feel that very often I feel the want, maybe even the need to try and come close to the wonder others have written. For example, the poem "The Calm of Calamity" by Christopher James Ruff. It is my favorite poem in the word and I want nothing more than to be able to write something as beautiful. I know I am only seventeen (Well, I'll be eighteen in nine days. Holy crap that's soon…) and I know I still have a lot more learning to do. I know I'm still new with my writing fingers and my mind still is running on partial power. I want to run with the big dogs of writing. I want to create things as beautiful as them but I can't, and that's perfectly okay. I know I am a good writer. I'm going to toot my horn here and say I am really good for someone my age. There is no harm in trying to aim to write like those who are in their twenties, thirties, forties, and so on. Goals are what keep us getting better. I think I need to learn that at times, it is okay to write like someone my age. It's okay to make mistakes and misspell words. There is no harm in misusing words (as long as I find out what they mean and they aren't something horrendous) or trying new writing styles. I am me. Seventeen, eighteen, one hundred and seven, I'll still be me and I'll still have Sarah's style. It will always be flawed. No one is perfect (not even Stephanie Myers, *gasp* I know!) but we can try to be.

Everything I read, see, and hear inspires me. I once thought of a whole story just from one second long part in the movie Tron: Legacy. My imagination has always been somewhat out of control. I used to narrate my life in my head. I've always been somewhat overly emotional. I cried when I was younger because I was not in Kingdom Hearts. I was legitamently depressed about that. I wanted to be a Keyblade wielder sooooo badly when I was younger (I still do).

One of the best experiences I ever had with writing was in my senior year of high school, Creative Writing with Mr. Rabut. I am not exaggerating when I say that man was the most inspirational person I have ever met. He seemed to just radiate with muse and creativity. My entire life I felt painfully average but when I met him I felt like there was something about me that was genuine and really great. I remember the first time I saw him. I was either in sophomore or junior year (I think sophomore) and we all had to go around to different classrooms to see which classes we wanted to take in the upcoming year. I knew I wouldn't have time for any classes since choir took up so much time but I went anyways (I'm not that cool, it was required that we went). I decided to go to the creative writing classroom and there he was. He looked more like a football coach than a creative writing teacher. From the moment he started talking I knew I needed to be in his class. Everything he said seemed like the class would be fun, not work. Then in senior year, I finally had time to take his class.

It was the last hour of the day for only one semester. I don't even think the class was an hour long. It was amazing though. Believe me when I say I was never bored in that class. We wrote poems, plays, short stories, everything. I met one of my closest and best friends (also named Sarah) in the class. I fixed a friendship that had been ruined in that class and made so many new ones. No one really likes attending classes but this one class. This one less than an hour of my day made me drag myself into school everyday, even if I was sick. I only missed one day and that was because I had a choir competition to go to. I'd stick out an entire day of being sick just so I could go to his class.

I asked him to write my letter of recommendation for college and I still remember what he said to me. "I know we have only just met but I feel a connection." He wrote me the most beautiful letter of recommendation I have ever seen (not that I've seen too many). It brought my mom to tears. I promise I'm not bragging. I'm just trying to express how great this man was with writing. Everything he said seemed to be poetry, but not in a way that it was overbearing or annoying. It was just natural.

I've never had a good relationship with my father, at least one I have a lot of memories of. When my parents divorced when I was six my dad pretty much stopped being my dad in a way. He found himself a wife that would be his mouth and his brain and he sort of just became nothing. I always needed a fatherly figure who would tell me they were proud of me and they thought I was great. I sort of found that in Mr. Rabut (although I know if he was reading this, he would want to be a more uncle-like figure, haha). He wasn't like my dad. He was so kind and gave out praise so freely. I didn't have to work my butt off and compete with others to be good enough for a congrats. I gave my best and that was more than enough. I remember thinking all the time how badly I wished he was my father. I didn't need someone to fawn over me. I never needed that. I just needed someone who could look at my work, even in it's most rough form and find beauty in it, instead of mistakes. That was what Mr. Rabut did.

My mom met him once at parent teacher conferences. She didn't even want to go and I told her she needed to go just to meet one person, Mr. Rabut. She went and she understood first hand exactly what I've been talking about here. To understand this next part, you need to know I look exactly like my mom, but younger. When my mom sat down at Mr. Rabut's table at conferences he looked right at her, I even think he took her hands in his, and he asked if he knew her. My mom said he probably knew her daughter and he asked if it was Sarah (me). My mom is much better at telling this story than me since she was there and I wasn't but he said some really great things. I've already bragged a bit about myself through this so I really don't need to anymore but I will say, he said he had finally found a student that really understood what he was trying to teach. My mom came back and she was so happy she went.

The whole class was divided down the middle with the more serious writers and the sillier writers (Quite literally. We sat on different sides of the room.). We all wrote and did our assignments. Some of us just put more effort into it. Mr. Rabut never liked either side better. He liked the more serious writers for their hard work and well written words just as much as he liked the sillier writers for their whimsical writings and jokes. Of course, there were grades. As wonderful as it was, we were still in school. There was zero judgement in Rabut's room though. You want to write a poem about a cat sitting on a mat? Good for you! You write the next american classic? Fantastic! No one was the best, no one was the worst. We were all just… writers. There were no jocks, nerds, populars, losers, or any other clique. From the moment you stepped into the sharing circle, everyone within the circle just was. I never really saw myself as a writer until I was in Creative Writing. I wrote a lot but it took on so much more meaning and life after I started the class. It was like jumping into a pool filled to the brim with creativity and never needing to surface for air. I wish I could go back and be in the class again.

I could go on forever about that class but I think I'll save the rest for a later date. I've reminisced enough. I suppose I wrote it so people would know my real roots for writing. Where I really found my passion. I'm still a cub. I'm still learning to walk through the world of writing but when I fall and feel I cannot get back up I think back to Mr. Rabut and I know I'll never give up. I'll be a writer forever thanks to him. I know he'll never read this but on the off chance he does, thank you for everything. I always needed someone to believe in me as wholeheartedly as you did. I never felt like anyone heard me until you did.

Thank you for reading. This became more personal than I thought it would.
Last edited by Kendall Saarinen on November 8th, 2011, 9:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs.
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue."
-Ryan Ross

.
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Kendall Saarinen
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Caelum on November 8th, 2011, 4:02 am

I'm writing this on my phone in the car (passenger of course) so please forgive both the errors and the brevity.

Sarah, people like to say they don't need validation or praise. Saying this makes them feel stronger or less needy. This is okay. It's normal. I have done it myself a few times. But in reality a dearth of validation is in itself invalidating and a lack of praise and expressed appreciation is demoralizing. Sometimes when people say they dont need these things what they are trying to say is that they don't need it in excess but hey a little bit would make a world of difference.

For people like us who have passions and talents in things that aren't easily understood and thus not always valued by many, it is often even more important to receive positive support from those who do. Too many of us can fall into the concern of coming across too seeking or dippy or uncool or who knows what when it comes to telling our compatriotshere in forum when we like what they do or did there or find them to be inspiring or impressive or their work moving and interesting. Etc. Etc. It is if we are afraid our public approval is going to somehow reflect badly on us.

I don't even know how it could. Praising another's work and efforts empowers rather than diminishes. If that person is unpopular or struggling, it is even more of a good thing. If they are the opposite then they probably don't hear it enough. Praise and support is good and there are days in MizWorld where I wonder when it stopped being cool. There are other days when my fellow players make me unspeakablyproud to be one of them.

I've rambled enough. The point is that I think you have a special talent and if you continue progressing at the amazing rate you already have and choose to take the route you are going to be a name creative writing students aspire to one day.

I'll be expecting an autographed copy. Please and thank you.

Dont stop doing what you do. You're doin' it right.

Pax,
K.
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Bolden Denusk on November 8th, 2011, 8:19 pm

Dammit I was gonna write you an awesome encouragement themed post, but Katie was so eloquent, there's nothing I could add that wouldn't be redundant. Just-- go You! Keep being the amazing person we continue to know and love! <3 *noms*
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Bolden Denusk on November 11th, 2011, 4:43 pm

I had such a 'Karen' day yesterday! :p

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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Kendall Saarinen on November 12th, 2011, 6:21 pm

My Life...

I had to share... I totally don't have a secret crush on Zac Efron... >_>
"I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs.
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue."
-Ryan Ross

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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Kendall Saarinen on November 17th, 2011, 2:00 am

It's Autumnatic!
Extremely Random Warning…
Image

I want to write for… OMG midnight. I'm eighteen. Anyways… I want to write for my characters but my juices are not flowing so I'm going to post in here instead. A lot of things have been running through my mind lately. Getting older, new seasons, new people, college,… yes and James McAvoy. He is always on my mind though. One of my big fears of getting older is the lack of censorship. I know that is odd to say I want censorship but I am still young and in truth, adult-like things such as nudity still freak me out a little. I have been worrying a lot that not that I am "the age" no one is going to try to shield me from that kind of stuff. Yes, I know I am eighteen now and should probably loosen up a bit (but not too much!) but I still get a bit worried.

My eighteenth birthday was something of a magical day to me when I was younger. It was going to be the day all of my dreams came true and rainbows would shine out of my butt. Now that it's here I'm all "eh… just another day". In a way, it is a little sad. It's lost all of the "OMG, I'm free" factor since the reason I was looking forward to it was so I could get out of my dad's house. Still, now I can get piercings without parental permission which is very cool. I'm trying to psych myself up to finally get my lip and bellybutton pierced. I am scared to death of needles though. It has not stopped me from asking people to shove metal into my face before though (I have five piercings). It just needs to be one of those days where I am like "That's it. Today is the day. Let's do this.". That is how it went down with my first piercings. I just woke up one morning and was like "It's time…". My mom then raced me to the mall because she had been trying to convince me my entire life to get my ears pierced (my ears were not pierced until I was a sophomore in high school). I ended up making it all the way to Claire's where I was getting my ears pierced and then ran away crying when we were waiting for me to get to sit down and get stabbed. My mom found me in the bathroom crying and listening to Enter Shikari. In the end my ears got pierced but it was a HUGE escapade.

While we are on the topic of my piercings, let me drop in some advice. NEVER let your doctor pierce your ears. My doctor did my second set and completely messed the up. One looks perfect and the other is all petching slanted. Was it cleaner? Yes. Did the holes get infected like my first ones from Claire's did ? No. In the end, I half wish I had gotten them done again at Claire's. At least they could get the hole straight. Truthfully though, if you are getting a piercing, don't go to the doctor, don't got to some free piercing place at the mall, go to a legit piercing/tattoo parlor. I don't know why I am harping on about this. It's late and I am going off on tangents…

Anyways, onto more relevant things. Autumn is my favorite season. The leaves are changing, it's getting chilly, and of course, it is my birthday! Every season comes with it's perfect ballads. One that is really hitting me right now is "Half Acre" by Hem. It is actually about the state of Michigan (where I live). It really grasps the beautiful nature of the state. When people think of Michigan they think of cars and Detriot but the small towns and northern forests of my home are unbelievably amazing. "Half Acre" completely captures the natural essence of Michigan. It is that feeling that makes you want to bundle up in a coat and scarf and just dash off into the woods. Bottom line, autumn in Michigan is amazing and this song only adds to the beauty.

Another thing about "Half Acre" is the words speak so truly to me. As someone who has been sort of pushed along from house to house and city to city, the second verse really gets me.

"Think of every town you've lived in
Every room you lay your head
And what is it that you remember

Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you"


I am the sort of person who does not like to dwell on the past too much. At least my own. This is something that has baffled and even worried my mother for years. I don't know why I dislike thinking back to younger times in my life or watch home movies. I mean it is not as though I just spawned out of nowhere one day and was seventeen years old. I think it is just a way to cope. Thing have been bad (along with good of course) and at times it is just easier to move on and act as though my younger memories never happened. This song does help me to think back though. It seems to smooth over things and pull the best memories to the top.

Michigan and Memories, that is what this song is to me.


Another song that has really gotten me lately is "Girl in the War" by Josh Ritter. Once again, it is a song that has meaningful lyrics. It is about a man who is mourning a girl he loves who has gone to war. While I have never been in a war (obviously), nor do I know anyone who has been, I relate to the song. More on a metaphorical level of course. The song is about hope and how when things are hard and there is nothing we can do, all we really can do is hope. My favorite part of the song is the second verse.

"Paul said to Peter you got to rock yourself a little harder. Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire. But I got a girl in the war. Paul, the only thing I know to do Is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through."

To me at least, this is not a man who is giving up. This is a man who is trying with every part of his being to believe his love is still alive and well. When I was younger I had my times where I just turned up the music and hoped I would make it through. Sometimes it wasn't music, but books, or even my greatest escape, X-Men.

Never, ever, ever give up.


There are more song I want to talk about but I'll save it for later. There is one more thing I want to talk about and this is already getting lengthy. The next part is super nerdy so if that stuff bores you, skip it. I don't mind.

ImageI recently got the new X-Men video game which is why my posts have been even slower than usual. That game has made all of my dreams come true. I play as a mutant who has energy projection powers. I have given him power-ups so his power is like Pyro's though (making his energy like fireballs instead of energy balls). At first I was so derby and could not get anything but now, and I don't mean to toot my own horn, my guy is completely badass. His name is Adrian but in my head I totally am trying to think of some awesome superhero names for him. Although, he is in the Brotherhood of Mutants so technically he is a villain. I don't really think of the Brotherhood as "bad guys" though. They have a more radical view point but they aren't wrong. They are led by a holocaust survivor who saw how horrible people can be and wants to make sure the same thing does not happen to his kind again, only this time it is the mutants. I am trying my hardest not to fangirl over Magneto right now. God knows I love him to death.

ImageAnyway, Charles is dead in the game so I have no interest in being part of the X-Men. I do not want to be under the command of Cyclops. He is a tool. I know… he is one of the word favorites and he is super important but he is a tool and I'm not taking orders from him. Not now, not ever. The only thing that made me want to be part of the X-Men was Iceman. He is my second favorite mutant (right behind Sabretooth). The Brotherhood has Magneto, Pyro, Quicksilver, and Sabretooth so yeah… Hells to the yes I am going with them. Bobby can just admire me from afar.

So anyways, I finished this post in the morning of my birthday since I fell asleep last night while trying to finish it. I am hoping that this is the birthday my mutant powers awaken. I had a bit of a fever last night so I'm hoping I might get fire powers like Pyro. Of course, I am usually pretty cold, at least my skin is. My mom calls me a vampire. Maybe I'll get ice powers like Iceman.

Anyways, if I don't post this, it'll never get posted so I'm going to stop here. Thanks for reading!!!

~Sarah
"I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs.
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue."
-Ryan Ross

.
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Kendall Saarinen
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Kendall Saarinen on November 17th, 2011, 9:11 pm

I gave in. I bought Skyrim. Hopefully I will not disappear from life. Between Skyrim, X-Men Destiny, Doctor Who, and that TV show, Shameless with James McAvoy that i found on Netflix, and Mizahar I'm pretty sure I will never leave my house again. I'm going to keep up with my posts. I know I have been slow lately. I am going to try to catch up with weekend though. Granted, I am going to play Skyrim for a bit (a very long bit) but after, I shall try to chug through some posts!

On a different note, I think I am going to keep using this background for my scrapbook. I really like it. It is very autumny.
"I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs.
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue."
-Ryan Ross

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Kendall Saarinen
Like John Allerdyce but hotter
 
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[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

Postby Kaiielle on November 24th, 2011, 12:00 pm

Waaaaat? Guurl, I just saw yo "Going Cubbing" thread and now I feel like I'm copying you with Kaii getting the same job. But whaterr, we can do job threads together!

And I love yo random scrappie posts. Dey coo.

/endghettogurltalk
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