[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

[Verilian]

Wait.. you label your trash? People actually do that? Lol, jk. But yeah, I know what you mean. I am currently waiting on a few return PMs that are starting to annoy me as well. So yeah, what she said! *shakes fist*

[Wrenmae]

I hear you. People run the gauntlet of life and often times most lose their credibility. I vanished for awhile, without any post or say that I did. It was a mistake, I should have made time to let people know what was going on outside the ream of cyberspace and why that stopped me from participating with their characters. I lost friends, reputation shattered, and putting it back together proves an ever increasing possibility.

Apologies are...in my opinion, pointless. Simply acknowledging your mistake is showing the other party that you recognize that what you did was wrong, but the trick is to show them you can improve, do better, BE better. Sometimes people can treat roleplay communities like a weekend jaunt at a sauna. They come to have fun, to roleplay, but if stuff gets stressful they vanish like smoke on the wind. But there are consequences for that mindset, I know I've felt it. Some of the people I've bothered or angered may never look at me the same way again and good luck getting em into threads XD. I have to accept that, as a consequence for a mistake I made and try my damn best to show that I've learned enough not to up and vanish again.

But trust is hard to put back together once it's crushed.

Like putting an ice sculpture back together in the summer...the pieces never seem to fit and the rest get smaller and smaller the longer you wait. I know what stress is like...maybe not to the extent you know, but I've experienced it. I sincerely hope that things take an upturn, that the 'all good things in time' adage is your future.

People come and go, and inevitably some of us turn out to be more disappointing than we wanted to be. Life is lived with 20/20 hindsight and by virtue of memory we are always aware of our worst mistakes, constantly remedying, constantly running against the clock or other perceptions to change them, warp them, shape them.

Sometimes it's like shaping cold steel with your bare hands.

We are a byproduct of our actions...and inevitably we will be what we say we are, or fail on that proving ground.

But I know how it is when someone says they'll commit and then falls by the wayside. I know because I'm responsible for such, and because I've experienced it.

My hope is that eventually there will be no question with your ST staffers, that everyone will be as committed to Mizahar and the story as yourself. You work hard so my hopes are that the work is returned tenfold, that the seeds you plant grow.

Just my two cents, reading what you wrote...a tad long winded :/

Best wishes, Jen...I hope that, as time goes on, things get better.

Cheers.

[Gossamer]

If apologies are so pointless to you Wrenmae, why do you spend so much time making them? Seems a little .... hypocritical to me for you to say that.

[Wrenmae]

Mostly because I recognize fault and it feels awkward to ignore it. If I've ever insulted someone inadvertantly, or done anything really, I apologize because I feel as though not doing so is somehow rude, like I'm not acknowledging my mistakes. I may not be the most skilled at bettering myself afterward, but it's a work in progress. A lot of apologies, as you mentioned in a rant before, can seem insincere. I understand how that seems. Someone who seems to apologize a lot gives the impression they are no stranger to failure and excuses, yes? For me it's a bit like an admission of guilt, of fault, of failure in some aspect. I want to communicate that when I say I'm sorry, I mean it, I am. I don't like being on the wrong side of emotion, dislike...it bothers me, perhaps more than it should.

How does one express they are sorry without saying they are sorry? I'm not sure I know how. Improvement is a long process, or at least not instantaneous, and to just accept that improvement will be reached after conversation without giving mention that it will seems...cold, almost calloused, like the problem or mistake was never recognized in the first place. I dunno if I'm explaining things well enough, maybe just repetitiously blathering. But when I say that I am sorry, chances are for whoever I'm talking to, I did not mean to come off, or seem, or be understood in the way I am.

It all seems very...flighty, more the behavior of a mouse-metaphor than anything else....but even changing that aspect of my personality is a long process and comes with a lot of introspective work on confidence. For now I can only say that I understand how I would seem hypocritical, and that there isn't much I can do to change the past...only the present and the future. It's a work in progress. I think we all are to some extent.

Edit: In retrospect, I believe what I'm trying to say is that apologies alone are not enough. They cannot stand on their own. Apologies are words, but not backed by action they are cardboard cutouts, easily broken and easily knocked down. I try to apologize with an intent to change, but one shouldn't have to believe that until it is seen.

[Gossamer]

. Retirement Is Easy In other words, why do people make it so hard? I'm sorry I don't have all the first of the month stuff up. I will have it shortly or throughout the day. I've got a first class wicked cold going on that's moved into my chest and causing me to hack and cough. This comes with the territory working outside in the frigid cold in the winter. But I wanted to share this particular stream of PMs with you as a lesson that there are far easier ways to retire your PC. Title: Hey Sent: Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:58 am by Jaiyahe Hey, Did you know harry potter was a nigger?! Hagrid said so in the first film!!! "Your a nigger 'arry" "A what!?" "A Nigger! and a thumping good one, id wager!" "Your wrong, i cant be a.. a.. a nigger!" THATS MY CAKE YOU FAT CUNT! Confused, I replied... Re: hey Sent: Sat Dec 31, 2011 1:36 pm by Gossamer And what motivated this pm, I wonder? Are you just an idiot or were you really trying to make a point? He actually responded... neat. I love the quality of our newbies these days. Re: hey Sent: Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:03 am by Jaiyahe im trying to get deleted.. do your job So if you want to step down, simply just throw in a HD ticket and ask to be retired. Its really pretty easy, no insults needed, no dissing completely unrelated plots from books and movies either. You guys should not need me to tell you that. But you've been officially told. PS. See? I respond to all PMs. .

[Nyahna Sasin]

I think I speak for everyone here when I say "wut"

But anyways, it's nice to know that there are nicer ways to retire than being a troll.

[Bolden Denusk]

Make up some nice chamomile tea with honey to drink and an oatmeal with peppermint oil poultice. May I then recommend staring admiringly at:

[Verilian]

Wow, Jen, I would have thought it was obvious that was what he wanted. I mean.. it's like.. okay.. I can't even find a way to swing this around in my usual sarcastic manner. WTF? Lol. Well, at least he is no more.

[Cheshire]

I'm on the same "wow" boat as everyone else. I cannot even imagine how someone would think that would be a good idea. It's just... odd. There are some interesting souls out there though.

[Cachet]

Interesting doesn't even begin to cover it...so it would seem...