[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

by **Kreig Messer** on March 18th, 2015, 4:20 am

I don't really know what to say Goss....The best I can do I guess is to wish you luck and hope through this difficult time and offer lots of prayer. Stay strong, yeah?

by **Timothy Mered** on March 18th, 2015, 4:38 pm

It feels insufficient to say I am sorry for you and your mother and wish you all the best, but I am afraid that's all I can do. For what it's worth. You're a strong personality Jen, but that doesn't mean times can't be extremely harsh and difficult for you. We are all with you in spirit.

by **Marion Kay** on March 19th, 2015, 3:21 am

Goss, you are one of the strongest individuals I know, and to see you and your family having to endure this is absolutely heartbreaking. Know that you'll all be in prayers all over the world from the community you've carved. Remember to look for the light in these dark places; play with puppies, watch kitten videos. Small joys can seem insignificant when you're faced with the whole awful picture, but they can make a world of difference. I hope your mother finds the respite she needs, and you as well.

by **Katelyn Marks** on March 23rd, 2015, 2:33 pm

You and your family have my thoughts and well-wishes. The Mizahar community is standing behind you during this hard time, and I only hope our words can convey the love we are all sending your way. I just wish I had seen this earlier so I could send my support sooner.

by **Gossamer** on March 26th, 2015, 3:46 am

Update & Sharing

First off.... I want to say thank you all for the well-wishes. I was kind of struck dumb by how many people posted in my scrap and sent me very personal pms. Thank you. I haven't even began to respond. It's all a bit overwhelming.

I wanted to post a bit of an update. A lot has happened in a very short amount of time. It's scary how when someone gets sick you hurry up and wait. That's essentially what we are doing.

So... my mother had a ton of tests, as you can imagine. She has a ton more scheduled. When last I posted, we had a suspected diagnosis of Melanoma. We didn't have confirmation, but the docs were pretty sure that's what it was. It is, and a hellishly aggressive form. And since then she's had several full body scans. There's basically bad news on top of bad news. These sorts of things never get better news it seems. The shoulder isn't going to kill her but the mass in her chest is. You can't irradiate tissue that lies close to the heart or lungs because it kills those organs. You just let them grow. And its not Braf Melanoma so they can't treat it at all. She has to travel three hours for her radiation treatment. It's a mess rolled into a disaster.

And I'm not dealing well. I'll be here and gone off and on for the next few months, though I am slowly learning I can't drive to her house every day and still make it to work and function. Its exhausting babysitting someone who's in denial about their health. She has told all her friends and family (besides myself and my brother) that she fell and broke a shoulder. She doesn't want anyone to know. And yet she makes appointments willy nilly and tells her physicians that her kids will drive her.

I'm going absolutely fucking broke taking days off work and buying gas. She's got two appointments on friday at 1030 and 130. Shes got another on monday 2 hrs away at 930am... she agreed happily to both saying her kids would drive her no worries. My brother is almost out of vacation too. It's insane. Our works, surprisingly, are being very understanding, but they've stopped substituting anyone on my shift and are making my coworkers cover my slack and they are dying under the strain.

Its frustrating. I'm trying not to start to resent it, and I'm trying to take some time for myself.

I also, before she got sick, signed up for a month of art immersion in our local community college. I'm learning to do stained glass. And let me tell you, I've really tried to make the classes and so far its working. When you are dealing with someone that gets this sick this fast, you need an outlet. Here's my first attempt. The instructor wants you to do small simple patterns... boring things. I talked her into letting me do easy shapes... but a more complex pattern.

the pattern :

This is the pattern. It was simple mountains, but I altered it for water and changed a bit of the sky. I picked glass to go with my new kitchen color scheme.

cut glass :

Here's all the glass cut before I've started leading. Stained glass is really... amazing. So this is how I'm staying sane for the moment.

Jen

by **Nivel** on March 26th, 2015, 6:05 am

hearing this breaks my heart, I hope you can stay strong through this.

on another note:
Your stain glass windows are wonderful, that's a skill I would like to look into learning.

by **Ball** on March 26th, 2015, 12:17 pm

Still sending on prayers and good vibey energies to ya Jen. This is tough for ya but we understand and wish you the best of luck with it all.

That Stain Glass looked beautiful

by **Caelum** on March 26th, 2015, 12:30 pm

Good morning! I love your stained glass design and now I want to do a class too.

There is a program called Road to Recovery which provides free transportation for cancer patients to and from their medical appointments. It is not everywhere, but there may be a program in your mother’s area. In this link there is a search engine for local programs as well as an 800 number to call for more specific questions etc. There are certain eligibility requirements which I do not know if your mother would meet, but even if she does not meet them now she may in the future. It’s a completely legit program that is sponsored by the American Cancer Society and I highly recommend it myself.

Additionally, it’s worth googling some local support groups and volunteer organizations regarding cancer patients, their families, and hospice care should that come into play. Very often there are local groups who provide volunteer transportation services for this sort of thing that aren’t necessarily affiliated with larger organizations such as ACS. It’s widely understood with cancer patients and their families that trustworthy and reliable transportation to and from the numerous appointments is a real issue and can greatly affect the life quality of everyone involved.

It may also be worthwhile to look into local programs from free medical appointment transportation for the elderly, though I do not know your mother's age and whether she would be eligible for that. I am less familiar with those but I know that they exist in various forms in larger cities. My grandfather has taken advantage of one of them in Pittsburg.

I hope this of some help and let me know if there’s anything that we can do to lend a hand long distance.

by **Telor Riptide** on March 26th, 2015, 1:36 pm

I know I haven't talked to you personally, Goss, but my own father went through a terrible bout of cancer himself. He had surgery and has since recovered, thank the heavens, but I remember the absolute terror and helplessness I felt. I remember the struggle to help him and still help myself.

Therefore, I'd like to say that I have some ghost of an understanding, whether or not that is really true. If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to let me know. I would be more than happy to be able to help, in whatever way I can. If you'd like to PM me for my skype or email address, you are welcome to it. And that goes for anyone. I'm always here if you need to talk.

by **Rosela** on March 26th, 2015, 2:59 pm

+100% to what Katie suggested, and even if your mom doesn't qualify for their help, it's worth still talking to them since they may be able to point you in the direction of other local help centers or charities. You and your family are in all our thoughts, and I'm very glad you have a creative outlet to keep your spirits up.